


Mysmes High School Band AU

by annaoneannatwo



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, High School, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-11-06 21:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 55,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaoneannatwo/pseuds/annaoneannatwo
Summary: After moving to another city and starting on a new job at her uncle's record store, MC's life change when she meets a mysterious blue-haired boy who wants her to enjoy the band at her school. The experience will make her learn a lot about her band mates and about herself.





	1. Prologue

You sigh, anticipating all the work you gonna have putting these records in order and removing the dust. All of this may sound dreadful or boring, but you honestly like being here by yourself. No, not by yourself, you have Aretha Franklin, Bernadete Peters, Freddie Mercury and so many more amazing people’s company. All of them have so much to tell you and you definitely have all the time to listen.

Working at your uncle’s records store started as a summer job, you didn’t want to spend the school break with your father, so you used this as an excuse. Yes, you needed the job to buy… tickets for a BTS concert, yes, that’s what you told your father. You just didn’t tell him that the concert happened and you didn’t go.

Not that you don’t like your father, but he’s been acting weird the past few years. He’s becoming overprotective and surly. He says it’s because you’re young, innocent and tend to try seeing the best in everyone. But you know, and he probably does too, that he’s like this because you’re starting to resemble your mother too much. He let her go, he couldn’t risk letting you go too.

And he’s not, you tell yourself, this is about enjoying freedom. People tend to think freedom has to do with wide landscapes in the mountains or in the beach, but sometimes, freedom has to do with being behind a old store’s balcony that smell like mold and listening to dusty vinyl records or CDs.  That’s what freedom means to you.

You always liked music, and music runs in this family’s veins. Your mother used to be a singer at a jazz band, maybe she still is? You don’t see her for… 3, 4  years? You’re not mad at her, she’s finally enjoying her freedom after that long and stressful process of divorce. Your uncle, owner of this store, was a one hit wonder in the 80s, one of many that popped up with some cheesy rock ballad that, once it enters your mind, doesn’t leave and you keep humming the song until it pisses yourself off.

And then there’s you, the only child of this frustrated jazz singer and a lawyer, the girl who joined the musical theatre club in her new school and watched as it was closed due to some budget cut. You miss that club, some people, and all those songs. Showtunes are amazing! They are so powerful and vibrant! Patti Lupone, Liza Minelli, Barbra Streisand… so many different talents representing a whole genre! A Chorus Line, Rent, Chicago… yeah, Chicago is dope!

You were listening to “Mr. Cellophane” and singing along when this tall guy with blue hair and sunglasses walked in. You didn’t notice him, as you had your back to the door, singing, replacing “mister” for “miss” in the lyrics and just… living the song, while you piled those records in a higher shelf.

Then you heard this clearing throat sound and turned to see the blue haired guy, smiling at you, with his hands on his pockets. Shit!

“H-Hi!” you stuttered, jumping from the stool and giving little taps on your pants, trying to get rid of the dust in your hands. “Can I help you?”

“Yes. I’m looking for a record.”

“Well, we have plenty of them!” he chuckled, oh, his smile is… dreamy…

“Yes, I should be more specific. I’m looking for Patti Smith?”

“Horses?”

“Close. Radio Ethiopia.”

“You’re in luck! Last copy!” you told as you reached for the record in the shelf next to the door, behind him. “And this is one of those albums my uncle puts a symbolic price on, so pay as much as you want or can pay.” Judging from his clothes and glasses, how much he could pay wouldn’t be a problem…

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, my uncle says you can’t put a price on true art, so…”

“So if I want to take this for free?”

“You can, but it would be pretty douchy.” Shit! Your uncle already scolded you for talking back to customers like this. Stupid!

“I agree.” And there’s that smile again. Shit! What is this sudden heat in your cheeks? “So I hope this is enough for true art?” you widen your eyes, this is… more than enough, it’s… too much, actually.

“Oh, uhm… you don’t need to…”

“I can pay as much as I want or can pay, right? I can and I want to pay this.” His tone is playful, but you can notice he’s a little annoyed, shouldn’t have called him a douchy…

“Well, okay…” you take the money reluctantly. “Anything else?”

“Do you have Cher?”

“Pre or post-actress carrer?”

“Post.”

“Second shelf in your right, third row. No, fourth row, actually.” You reorganized Cher in the summer.

He flipped through the records, and you headed back to the balcony, taking a chance to admire his features. How old could he be? 19, maybe 20? He looked like those wealth kids who decide to abandon his family business to go into a self-discovering journey to some place with rivers and waterfalls.

“I’ll take these two too. I guess your uncle doesn’t consider these true art.”

“He likes Cher as in Sonny & Cher.” He nods, looking really interested in this total random fact about your uncle.

“Are you from here? I never saw you around.” Oh, talking about being random…

“I moved in a couple of months. You?” you… don’t really like talking about yourself.

“Born and raised here. But I’m leaving for college next month.” Okay, no self-discovering journey, then.

“Cool. What will you study?”

“Fotography.” Yes, that suits this little character you just made up for him in your mind. “You?”

“I’m…not going to college.” Not now, and probably never. Your father can’t afford this. “ I mean, I need to survive high school first.”

“Sophomore?”

“Freshman.”

“Well, I’ll be a freshman too pretty soon.” Cocky bastard. “Where do you go to?”

“Daykey High School” his smile widens. So… beautiful…

“Have you ever heard about Jihyun Kim?”

“No…?” some of his friends?

“Oh, people usually know him as V.” oh… yeah, it rings a bell.

“He used to play bass on that band, what’s the name? Uhm… Mysterious…”

“Mystic Messenger.”

“Yeah! Fucking weird name!” you scoff and he chuckles.

“Well, V named it.”

“V was probably high on something.” You notice he gets a little surprised at your response.

“You bet.” He takes his glasses off, and you feel this shiver rolling down your spine, his eyes are… mesmerizing… you could look at his eyes forever…but forever  doesn’t last long as this blonde girl storms inside the store.

“Honey, did you forget to meet me at the dress store?”

“Sorry, honey. I just found this record store and thought I could find something. Look at this, Patti Smith! And I was almost for free!” LIAR!

“Ugh, sweetie, you need to stop reliving the dead.”

“Patti Smith is alive.” You say, immediately regretting for letting her notice you were paying attention to their conversation.

“Yeah… whatever. Can we go? The dust here is closing my throat, we don’t need another problem like that, do we?”

Oh, you actually know her, she’s a senior at your school! Yes, you remember seeing her during the senior meet freshman gathering on your first day. She’s… even more beautiful dressed this casually and with her hair free of the ponytail she usually has. Oh, and she sings in that weird band, Mystic Messenger or whatever. Or she used to… didn’t she leave because she’s being hired as a backing vocal for Taylor Swift? That’s the rumor on why she left… so what is she doing here?

“Okay, my sun. Let’s grab a lunch and I’ll take you home so you can get your meds.” _My sun?_ You can’t hold back a scoff, looking at the money, then you raise your head and find both of them looking at you. Shit!

“Yeah, the mold… is making my throat close too.” You cough, and it’s actually pretty convincing… isn’t it? Judging from her face, it’s not.

“Come ooonnn!” she whines.

“Yes, get the car started, my flower. I’ll be there in a minute.” She walks away, stomping. Maybe she knows being called a flower it’s kinda ridiculous?

“Well, it was nice to meet you. Oh, and I agree with your uncle, you can’t put a price on true art, so I was wondering if you would lend your voice for free?”  What?

You look puzzled as he takes a crumpled paper out of his wallet and hands to you. Oh, you recognize it! It’s a poster, it was hanging everywhere in the hallways. Yes, that band is looking for a new lead singer. What is he saying? Oh… he listened to you singing! Shit! You held back all of your embarrassment, but now you couldn’t hide it anymore…

“They’re holding auditions until Friday.” What? Does he really think you will audition for this? Why would you even do that?

“V, I swear to God if you don’t come right now…” the girl shows up again. Wait… V? Oh… FUCK!

“Just think about it. You have an amazing voice, you can really show your talent there. Oh, and if you want to get high sometimes, I heard their former bass player throws great parties.” He winks at you, you would be blushing if you weren’t completely dead.

You closed the door at night and went home, the crumpled paper in your jacket pocket. That’s what happens when you try to flirt, right? First, the guy already has a girlfriend. Second, you called him a pot-head in his face. So… stupid!

But you can’t stop thinking about what he said… he said your voice was amazing… no! He said it was true art! Like Patti Smith! TRUE ART! Well… to be honest, you know you sing well, otherwise you wouldn’t have been accepted in the musical theater club, which was closed a little after you joined… no, but it wasn’t your fault… they cut the program so the soccer team could have a bus for the state championship or… you don’t really remember the excuse the principal gave.

Truth is, you miss singing, you miss the stage. You’re generally very introvert, but when you’re up on a stage… you feel like you could drink from the audience’s attention all over you. Yes… you enjoy that rush! And you could do anything to feel it again.

And, though you could never admit this clearly, showing up at some V’s party didn’t seem like a bad idea…

But first, you need to face an audition!


	2. Chapter 1

“Well, that was disappointing…”

“You’re being too polite. That was awful.”

“I knew holding auditions would be stupid. You made me waste the whole week on this.”

“One week that you couldn’t skip class to jerk off to whatever weird shit you’re into, Saeran…”

“Shut up before I’ll break this pretty face of yours, Zen.”

“Ah, come on guys, let’s not fight right now, we have bigger problems right now?”

“Yoosung is right, nobody met our expectations, we still don’t have a vocalist and the festival is in less than a month…”

“Can’t we really ask Rika to come back? “

“I talked to V about this. She’s still recovering.”

“From what? From her diva tantrum?”

“Saeran, don’t even start, please…”

“No, fuck that! Is she still sensitive because she realized she’s not that perfect and she doesn’t have her boyfriend to cover up for her anymore? Come on, I can’t be the only one thinking about this! Saeyoung, some help here?”

“Oh, I don’t have a vote here, I’m just the DJ, or at least that’s what she said…”

“I’ll take that as a help. See? That girl has a major diva complex!”

“Saeran, don’t talk about my cousin like that, please.”

Okay, you’re pretty sure by now you shouldn’t be listening to this conversation. What were you even thinking? Coming here was a stupid idea, entering by the wrong door was a stupid idea, even considering this audition was stupid! Mental note: never let yourself be hypnotized by a pair of dreamy eyes! That is how you mother got pregnant, right? You giggle, your mom is pretty funny when she’s not running away to follow her frustrated dreams from her teenage days…

“Guys? I found one more!” you’re taken aback by this redhead guy pointing to you behind the curtains. Shit! “Aren’t you a little late?” he asks playfully.

“I… got lost.” You say, trying to avoid his gaze. “Anyway, I’m going now…” you try to turn your back on him, but he grabs your hand and leads you to the stage. “W-wait, I… I don’t…”

“Don’t be shy! Hey, guys, look what I found!” he points at you in a exaggerated way. Did he really just call you a “what”?

You find six pairs of eyes staring at you. Five guys and one girl look at you curiously, as if you were some kind of alien or something.

“What’s your name?” the brunette one asks without any expression in his face or voice.

“Hum… MC.”

“Okay, hum MC, what are you going to sing?” the brunette puts his pen on a paper waiting for your answer. He’s… scary, he looks like a teacher.

“I… I, okay, this was a misunderstanding. I was… I was trying to find the magician club.” Is there a magician club? Shit! Why can’t you even lie properly right now?

“The magician club has meetings on Wednesdays.” The blond one states and smiles sweetly, oh… maybe this one is nicer.

“Don’t act like the magician club is cool, Yoosung.” The silver haired one scoffs, gaining a glare from the blond one. “Are you lost, sweetie? Maybe I can help you…” oh, wait! This one you actually know, he was in the musical theater club too, what was his name again?

“Ugh, there he goes again…” this other redhead groans and mutters, giving quick annoyed glances to you. Oh… so this one next to you and that one are twins, okay.

“Yes, Zen. Let’s focus. What are you going to sing?” the girl finally says something, she looks more patient than the brunette one, but she is also pretty intimidating, and her haircut is cool!

“I… am not going to sing. This was a mistake. I should get going…”

“Are you scared? Don’t be! We won’t bite… well, maybe I will, but that can wait…” the redhead with glasses wiggles his eyebrows looking at you. “Haha, I’m just joking! You should see your face right now…”

“I’m not scared and I’m going! Sorry for taking your time, this was a misunderstanding.”

“You’re already here, why don’t you sing?” the brunette says, looking at you, you can see a little annoyance on his features.

“I… I can’t sing. I don’t know how.”

“Yes, you do! I know you! You were on the musical theater club! I remember you, quiet weird girl sitting in the back just doing backing vocal… do you remember me?” how could you forget Zen and his brutal honesty?

“I do…”

“So you can sing!” the blond one says and everybody stares at you again… that was stupid! That was so fucking stupid of you!

“I can, but I… I… look, this was stupid, okay?”

“Yeah, no shit!” the redhead without glasses scoffs.

“Excuse me?” you ask, did he interrupt you to make fun of you?

“You were hiding, listening to our conversation, then pretends you’re all innocent and shy when we catch you and keep lying to us even when we already know you’re lying! Come on, this is very stupid.”

“I agree with Saeran. This already took too much of our time.” The brunette one says, everybody look at him surprised and nod. Oh, you get it, he’s the leader, and the redhead there is pissing you off!

“So, if you’re not going to sing because you’re a scared little girl, just go away already!”

“I’m not scared! And you’re really rude, dude! Go get laid and release all this puberty stress!” oh no, you didn’t! Everybody looks at… what’s his name? Saeran, right? But you look to the other twin still by your side.

“I tell him the same every day, can you believe?” he says to you, smiling.

“SHUT UP!” oh… he’s… red, he’s blushing. You broke the little punk wannabe! Okay… this satisfied you more that you would care to admit.

“Then, if you’re not scared, will you sing or do we have to waste more time?” the brunette is the only one who didn’t show any reaction to your little argue with Saeran.

“Why do you keep talking about time? Do you have somewhere to go?” you ask. Jesus! You won one, you can’t be risking yourself like this.

“We’re still waiting for you to sing.” See? You knew you wouldn’t win twice on this.

“Fair enough. I’ll make you forget the place you had to be.” You just hear some uhhhs from Zen and the nice redhead, and the brunette smirks at you:

“Let’s see what you got.” Is that a challenge? Interesting…

“I should… get out of here. This is about to catch fire.” The redhead jumps out of the stage.

“Hi. My name is MC and I’ll be singing ‘I’m the Greatest Star’ from the musical Funny Girl.”

“This isn’t a musical theater audition…” the brunette is still smirking.

“Nobody said what kind of music I should sing. Does anyone here oppose to me singing this one?”  everybody nodded negatively, you noticed the girl looked a little excited, did she like the song or was she happy to see the band’s leader losing his control over them?

“Very well, so I won’t oppose either. Let’s hear it! Do you need any support? Yoosung can play the piano or Saeyoung can give you a base.”

“I’ll sing acapella.” Since you already made tons of stupid decisions, why not add one more?

“Do as you please. Saeyoung, the lights.” So the nice redhead’s name is Saeyoung, and he promptly lights up the stage, you feel a shiver as you can’t see any of their faces right now…

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart!” that’s Zen’s voice, you notice how excited he is.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath… and your voice come out.

_“I got 36 expressions, sweet as pie to tough as leather, and that’s six expressions more than all those… Baltimore’s put together… Instead of just kicking me, why don’t they give me a lift? It must be a plot! Cause they’re scared that I got… such a gift? Well, I’ll nift!”_

The thing about this song is that she has a lot of variations disguised as this little humor gimmicks, so… yeah, it wasn’t the greatest choice to an audition for a band, but hey! You’re having fun! Yes, this is fun, this is… natural, somehow. And the fact you can’t see their faces make you feel like it’s just you against the lights in the whole world.

Zen is smirking, as if he knew about this hidden treasure before all of them. Yeah, he just refuted the fact you couldn’t sing because he knew, he can trace talent even if it’s hidden behind a secondary role on a musical theater play. And as soon as you stepped in that stage, he knew exactly who they were about to deal with… well, at least musically, he had no idea that quiet girl could be that…spirituous. Confronting Jumin like that was bold, and he likes bold girls…

Yoosung is hypnotized. You look and sing like an angel, it’s so different from Rika, but the sweetness and this expressiveness are the same. Also, you look a little intimidating at first, but he’s pretty sure you’re very sweet and nice, he noticed this at the moment you smiled at him and the little fact about the magician club. Also, nobody that sings like that can be less than adorable, yes, h barely knows you, he already adores you.

If this was a cartoon, Jaehee’s eyes would have dollar signs in it. You sing well, you have a cute face… maybe they can sell tickets or get some gigs with you and finally make some profit out of this… hobby. Also, she loves Funny Girl, what an interesting choice… you’re… interesting. She’s curious about you, and she rarely gets curious…

Saeyoung is smiling, he was rooting for you the minute he found you backstage. He can’t explain, he just… liked you, he wanted to know what you were up to. Was that whole scene part of your number? You’re such a drama queen, he loves it! Yes, he’s already thinking about the costumes he can put on you, you will look so cool and cute… also, you made his brother blush, you’re already his favorite person in the world. Even if you don’t join the band, he wants to hang out with you…

Saeran was mad. You were so sassy, he doesn’t like sassy girls, he was rooting for you to sing really bad, but… what the fuck? You are actually great!? Ugh… just remembering the way you defied him make his blood boil. Stupid little talented  bitch… and you’re cute too? UGHHHH, you’re trouble, aren’t you? You’re making him feel troubled.

Jumin is still smirking, he just needed this confirmation on something he knew from the moment you confronted him: it was you. It had to be you, no one else. “ So this is the girl V warned me about, interesting…”


	3. Chapter 2

Okay, if anybody ever asked you how you would imagine spending your Saturday afternoon, the last thing you could ever think would be having a sack over your head on this very hot room. Where are you? In a basement?

“Fellow members, we are assembled here today to confer the honor of initiation upon MC. May her voice guide us through a victory without precedents in Daykey High School’s history. May her talent and charisma lead us to a journey of paying gigs, whether in money or in coupons from the donut store.”

“Or in tepid beer.”

“Thank you, fellow member Zen. Let your wishes be granted as well. Now, may the chosen one step forward.”

Oh… is he… is he talking about you? You step on what you think it’s forward.

“Oh, chosen one, let your voice be heard!”

“I… don’t really know what you want me to say.” Your voice is muffled.

“Saeyoung, I think we got it. Just take this out of her face before she asphyxiates.” The only female voice besides yours speaks.

“But… she didn’t even drink the blood!” Saeyoung whines.

Now you know this initiation ritual apparently was Saeyoung’s idea, you’re worried about having to drink actual blood. Who knows? That guy felt a little crazy, finding you behind the curtains like a sniffer dog looking for drugs, and talking about biting you… yeah, you know it was a joke, but… who knows? The guy is weird…

“B-blood?” you take the sack out of your head.

“No! You can’t take it off before Jumin makes your welcoming official.” Saeyoung whines dramatically.

“She’s welcome, just get rid of the sack.”

“Ah, you’re no fun! Here, just drink the blood. Don’t worry, it’s wine. Actually, don’t worry, it’s grape juice. Yoosung couldn’t buy the wine.”

“I told you to send Zen.”

“Yeah, yeah, lesson learned… so hey! Welcome, MC! Are you excited to be joining us?”

“I was excited when you texted me, then you put this sack over my head and basically kidnapped me, and I’m not excited anymore.” You hear some chuckles from Zen and… Jumin? The intimidating brunette just laughed of your little joke?

“Too bad, you should be excited about joining the jewel in the crown of Daykey High School! The amazing band Mystic Messenger!” yeah, you didn’t get used to the name yet…

“It’s pretty cool, indeed. I hope you can forgive Saeyoung’s methods and enjoy where you find yourself right now, MC.” Zen says, it’s the first time he sounds serious and not like trying to desperately say something flirty… it’s pretty comforting.

“Thank you… I… honestly thought you would never want to see my face after the way I behaved. It was childish…”

“Don’t forget foolish.” Jumin adds.

“And kinda of overdramatic.” That coming from the guy who was talking about drinking blood for a initiation ritual a minute ago?

“Yes… it was a bitchy behavior. And I apologize to you all, but mainly to you, Jumin and…” you look around trying to find the other twin, but he isn’t here.

“I’ll forgive you when we win the festival.” Jumin says bluntly. Uhm… he is still pretty mad, isn’t he? So why did he even agree on you joining the band?

“The festival?” you ask curiously.

“Yes, the winter festival for high school bands! It’s so cool!” What’s the blonde’s name again? It was a pretty name… Y-Yoosung, right? Yoosung seems to be the type who gets super excited easily, usually people like this annoy you, but he also seems so sweet, totally the boy next door, and definitely not annoying at all.

“We participated last year and placed second, but things were a little different, we had a different vocalist and a different bass player.” Jaehee explains. Oh yes… V was the bass player and created the band. Which one here plays the bass now? If you had to guess… Jumin?

“And you’re counting on me to win this year?”

“Basically, yes.”

Wow, it hits you like a rock. This group of people is really betting on you to get for them something they let slip away before… they… trust you. And they don’t even know you that well… when was the last time somebody hand you something so important and meaningful? No, actually, did this ever happen before?

“But no need to feel pressured, sweetheart. We still have time to rehearse and get you ready. If you ever feel burdened, come to me, okay?” hum, the Zen’s flirty tone is back again… or maybe he’s just like this and doesn’t even notice some people can really take him seriously… are you taking him seriously?

“Yes, if she’s burdened, the first thing she would need is your constant urge to make a move on freshman girls.” A-ha! Jumin is thinking the same as you, he just puts it on a more intellectual way. By the way… why does he talk so formal? It’s funny…

“Ahem. Anyway, MC, just know we’re not waiting for you to just get up on that stage and slay, you’re talented, but you also need practice, we all do. And we will practice and walk through this together. “ Ah… Jaehee, you thought she was one of those really mean ice lady like girls, but… she’s super nice. What instrument does she play?

“Well, I’m not worried.” Yes, you are. “Progress, not perfection.”

“This sounds like an AA mantra…” Saeyoung teases you.

“Well, Saeyoung, the first step is admitting you have a problem, yours is making nonsense jokes about alcoholism.” He widens his eyes, uh oh… is a comeback coming? Wait for it…

“Yes, you’re right. Alcoholism isn’t funny.” He scratches the back of his head, visibly considering what you said. Uhm… maybe he isn’t as impossible as you thought.

“Alright then. She’s officially in…”

“She’s not, she didn’t drink the blood.” Saeyoung says, going back to what you know him for.

“I don’t give a damn about the blood. Anyways, welcome, MC. We’re glad to have you here, well, not exactly here in Yoosung’s basement, but we’re happy to have a new and promising vocalist.” Jumin says and smiles softly. Oh… he knows how to smile! Would you look at that!

“Thank you. I’ll do my best, I mean it.” Yes, you do.

“Oh, no sarcasm this time? That’s a good start… progress, not perfection, right?” what’s with Jumin and his sudden change to a nice guy? “Okay, late introductions, I’m Jumin Han, the current bass player.” You knew it!

“You already know me, right?” Yes, Zen… we all do… “I’m Hyun, call me Zen, I play the electric guitar, but I can also sing. I hope I get to do all the duets I couldn’t do with you in the musical theater club.” Don’t blush! Don’t blush! Don’t blush! Shit, you’re blushing.

“Yoosung, keyboards.” It suits him… so that means he also plays piano? How cute… you woul like to watch him playing piano one day…

“Saeyoung, your DJ, costume designer, make-up artist, lighting guy and roadie at your service, my lady.” Wow, he surely does a lot! Wait… costume designer? Shit! Your mind doesn’t even want to go to the places where you could think what kind of outfit this guys is thinking for you… lord protect you.

“You’re pretty versatile, that’s cool.” But he’s nice, and he seemed uncomfortable about that alcoholism thing, enough fighting with these people… so you compliment him, giving your most genuine smile, and now he’s the one to blush… cute.

“Yes, the only thing he doesn’t do is actually play an instrument.” Oh, this voice… Saeran comes down the basement’s stairs. He decided to join you, after all. Was he waiting for a good cue to make an entrance? You giggle with this possibility.

“Well, you know what they say, bro, one brother has the musical talent, the other one has the looks, and the brains, and the mojo with the ladies.” Saeyoung grabs your hand and plants a kiss on it. Okay… you weren’t expecting that, that felt more like a Zen’s move.

Saeran scoffs. “Then you’re wasting your mojo, she’s not a lady.” He glares at you and grins. Jerk!

“And you probably don’t have the musical talent.” You answer. Yeah, remember that thing about stop fighting with these people? Forget it, this guy really gets to your nerves!

“Wanna bet? I’ll make you a fan for my drum solos before you even notice.” Okay, so he’s the drummer.

“I’ll be too busy in the spotlight, but it will be fun to watch you try.” He scoffs and grins, did you two just set a challenge?

“Ohohoho, so much tension!This is starting to feel like a real band! I can’t wait for our E! documentary.” You laugh at Saeyoung’s joke. It’s good that he’s trying to light the mood between his brother and you.

“Wait, what about you, Jaehee?” you remember her, she’s been so quiet…

“I… I don’t play anything. I’m the manager.” Oh… interesting, and kinda disappointing, you were rooting for her to be the drummer… she looks so cool and easy-going, so it made sense in your head. But the drummer is the little prick called Saeran… ugh. “So I hope I get to manage you in the best way possible, MC.”

“Thank you. I look forward for it too.” Again, you try to be genuine and not sarcastic, she doesn’t deserve it.

“So everybody is formally introduced. Can we please get out of the basement now?” Jaehee asks, and they all oblige. Forget Jumin, she’s the real leader, she probably didn’t realize that yet…

You get out of Yooung’s basement, he wanted you all to say for dinner, but everybody has to go. Well, you would really like to stay, the food smells good, what are you having for dinner? Maybe your father bought some takeout? Yes, probably… like he does on every Saturdays.

You’re saying goodbye to Yoosung and the twins (just to Saeyoung, you’re basically ignoring Saeran’s presence)

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you home?” Saeyoung asks.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, but text me when you get home, okay? It’s dangerous for a girl to be walking around by herself…” he sounds adorably serious.

“I’m sure a thug would be more in trouble if he met her on a dark alley.” Saeran says, without looking at you.

“I see you’re still not getting laid, Saeran. I hope you find some comfort on a dark alley one day.”

No comeback? Okay. The twins aren’t really inspired today, apparently.

“Anyway. Bye guys!” you turn your back on them and start walking. You know this neighborhood, your uncle’s girlfriend lives a few streets near. You can take a bus in the end of the street, or maybe you can just walk. It’s a peaceful neighborhood.

That’s what you were thinking before this guy in a motorcycle made a u turn and stopped in front of you. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew he was looking at you… SHIT!

Think, can you run? Can you scream for help? Where is your phone? Maybe you can discreetly dial the police number? They wouldn’t get here in time… screaming seems stupid, so… run?

You back away, run! Why aren’t you running, stupid? Is this what being paralyzed in fear looks like? Shit! Your legs feel weak…

“Hop on. We’re going for a ride!” that’s what he probably says as his voice is muffled due to the helmet, also, it sounds creepy enough to his image right now.

“I- I have pepper spray!” Here… somewhere… ugh! You hate to admit your father was right about letting the pepper spray accessible at any situation.

“Pepper spray? Oh, wait… MC, don’t…”

“How do you know my name?” a stalker? How did you even get one?

“MC! It’s me!” he takes his helmet off. Oh… it’s just Zen. And he looks… pretty sexy. Hold on! Weren’t you shitting yourself in fear a minute ago?

“Shit, Zen! You scared the shit out of me!” Stop saying shit!

“Sorry, MC. I didn’t mean to. Come on… I’ll give you a ride to your house.”

“Do you know where I live?” okay, so maybe you do have a stalker.

“Uhm… no? I was hoping you would tell me?” Of course, stupid! Now he thinks you’re a paranoid little crazyhead.

“I… do you have a license?”

“You don’t have to be scared, I’ll go slow if you want to.” He didn’t answer the question… but hey, you got lucky once, will you really risk yourself walking alone again?

“Fine.” You go to him, and he hands you a pink helmet. You’re definitely not the first girl taking a ride, huh? “But you don’t really need to be slow, I… I’m not scared.”

He smiles widely. “I was hoping you would say that.”

Again, this was not what you expected for your Saturday afternoon, it ended up a little better than you could ever imagine.


	4. Chapter 3

“Do you have a curfew or something?”

“Not that I can recall.” You never needed one, since you don’t go out too much at night.

“Oh, so you have a few hours to kill?”

“I guess…” both yours and his voices are muffled due to your helmets. Also, yours is a little tight, guess of all the girls that hopped on his bike, you have the biggest head.

You thought he was taking you to the ice cream shop or that place with the French fries, you heard some girls that are in your class talking about these places where Zen usually takes his dates, but… of course you’re not his date, so it makes sense he’s taking you somewhere else… right?

Okay, so you’re not a date, you’re just… how did he say that time in the audition? Weird quiet girl sitting in the back? Yep, and add a big head to that! And… you don’t want to go all paranoid again, but… does he take all weird quiet big headed girls to this neighborhood? What have they done to deserve this?

Yes, it’s hard not to tilt your head, trying to find some place familiar, and not get insanely scared when you’re not able to. Where are you? Why is he taking you to this part of town?

He stops the bike side to side to a whole line of motorcycles, you’re still looking at these fancy Harley-Davidson when Zen clears his throat, his hair tickles your forearm lightly, that’s when you realize you’re still grabbing his shirt in his sides.

“O-oh… sorry.” You quickly pry your hands and take your helmet off, avoiding any glance to the rearview mirror. You can’t even imagine how awful your hair must look right now.

“If you were that scared, you could have just wrapped your arms around my waist, you know that?” he says jumping out of the bike and offering his hand to help you.

“I wasn’t scared.” You pretend you didn’t see his hand and jump out by the other side of the bike.

“Of course you weren’t.” you’re pretty sure he’s being sarcastic, though his tone doesn’t sound like that, so it’s better just ignore it.

“So, what are we doing here? Looking for trouble?”

“With you dressed like that? Maybe…”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“You know, those shorts are a little… short?”

“Shorts being short? I did not see that coming…” you roll your eyes and give him a lazy smile.

“Seriously, just take my jacket, MC.” He takes his leather jacket off and hands to you, you were about to refuse, but his serious expression and tone made you reconsider.

“Do you have a fake ID or something?”

“Well, I wasn’t feeling like committing a crime today, so I forgot mine home.” You try to accentuate your words with your hands, but his jacket is so big on you the sleeves are covering up until your fingers… you must look so pathetic right now.

He chuckles looking at you. Yeah, not even your sarcasm can be taken seriously when you’re wearing a leather circus tent all over your body.

“Maybe I still have one… here. Let me check.” He leans closer and reaches for the inner pocket of his jacket. His fingers brush slightly in your belly, making you shiver. He’s close, really close! Is his hair really silver? Isn’t that premature grey hair? Who cares? It’s so beautiful, it looks so soft, if you could just…

“Found it! Here you go, MC!” he hands you a little rectangle made of plastic. “Or should I say, Miss… Lana Del Rey, 24 years?”

“Wait, does it really say Lana Del Rey?” yes, it does. “Oh. My. God! And the photo is Lana Del Rey too! Couldn’t you even get an asian chick, at least?”

“An asian girl named Lana Del Rey?” he has a point… wait, he doesn’t. Actually… you don’t see what would be a better option in this.

“Zen… whatever you’re thinking, nobody will believe I’m 24 and my name is Lana Del Rey.”

“Well, tell that to Marshall Bruce Matthers, 25 years old, who gets into that club every Saturday night.”

“Marshall Bruce… you mean Eminem?” he looks at you puzzled. Hum, not a big hip hop fan here, apparently. But wait… a … club?

“I… don’t think it’s a good idea, Zen…”

“Marshall.”

“Whatever. I don’t think we should go into a biker’s bar, we’re…”

“Biker’s bar?” he looks at where he parked his bike, oh yeah, in front of a well known bar where bikers get together to get drunk and angry. “Oh… no, MC. We’re not going there, we’re going… there.” He holds your shoulders to turn you to face this night club, where flamingos made of neon shine, indicating that you’re welcome to Pay It no Mind.

“A… gay bar?”

“Have you been here before?”

“No, I… just heard about it. Have you… been here before?”

“Yeah, a friend of mine own this place and I leave my guitar in the backstage there.” you blink a couple of times and you both stare at each other, in silence, then he jumps in surprise. “Oh, he’s really my friend, he’s not my… boyfriend or anything. I don’t… I don’t date guys.” He clears his throat.” So don’t worry, cutie, I’m straight.” _Don’t worry?_ You feel like rolling your eyes so hard they’ll end up stuck in the back of your head. “So… shall we?”

“Zen… Marshall. I’m… I’m too young, I’ve never been in a place like this, what if is dangerous?”

“What kind of danger you would face in a place where all the guys don’t want anything to do with you?”

“I… I don’t know! You never know! I…”

“Are you scared? Like you were in my bike?”

“I wasn’t scared back then and I’m not scared right now!” you realize you’re actually yelling, okay, now this is really pathetic. “Why would you even bring me here?”

“To have some fun. It was probably a weird stressful day for you, you know, being kidnapped by Saeyoung, then having to breath the same air as Jumin Han for so long…”

“You don’t like Jumin?”

“I… it’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just… he does some things that I disagree with…”

“What things?”

“Uh-uh! We’re not playing this game! You won’t do this cute face and expect I just forget what we’re here for. Come on, Lana!” he grabs your hand, you would fight if you weren’t confused. What Jumin does that Zen would consider wrong? That guy doesn’t seem the type to do anything wrong… and… were you being cute? How would you even look cute with your messy hair and this jacket swallowing you?

“Good to see you again, Marshall. Have fun, Lana.” The guy that watches the entrance barely looks to your IDs, oh… so security isn’t really strict, that’s why two asian kids can pretend to be two white famous singers and walk into a club just like this.

“Zenny! You’re back!” the bartender greets him cheerfully. “Hi, honey!” then he waves for you with a big smile, you wave back, shyly.

“Hey, dude! Good to see you.” This guy approaches him, giving him that familiar jock greeting when guys bump shoulders brutally. Hum… odd scene for a gay bar… or maybe it’s just you not being able to run from gay people stereotypes… “And you must be Zen’s new girl!”

“I… I’m not…

“She´s, she’s not… she’s hum… Mystic Messenger’s new vocalist.”

“Oh… that girl who sang Barbra?” he hugs you, you widen your eyes in shock, you’re not used to this kind of affection all of a sudden. “Hyun talked a lot about you, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but I’m glad he’s getting what he wants, at least.” The guy brushes his fingers in your hand… that is still holding Zen’s, you immediately pull away and blush. “Awww, you were right. She’s cute.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re making her uncomfortable. Just quit!” he sounds really annoyed. Hum… maybe he is the one uncomfortable here?

Then this guy invites you two to his table at a VIP section and Zen doesn’t look so uncomfortable anymore. And as you watch these people dancing and having fun, you realize you’re not uncomfortable either. You’re having fun, just like Zen wanted you to.  

“So… you two are neighborhood friends, for like…”

“10 years?” Zen nods. “Yeah, something like this. Can you believe? This fella here is like 4 years younger than me and yet, he saved my ass from some guys trying to beat me up for being… well, you know by now…”

“Gay.” You say bluntly, why would he be scared of saying this in a place like this?

“Exactly. Who could tell, right? Our little bad boy here likes to protect minorities, isn’t he cute?”

“Yeah… I mean, protecting minorities is… cute. Actually, it’s important, not… cute.” The guy chuckles, making you feel really good. You wouldn’t like to let him bothered in a place where he can be absolutely himself.

“You’re cute too, huh? Wearing a jacket that is twice your size, having this frizzy hair, you almost look like a little kid…” Hum… “It’s almost hard to believe you’re a vocalist of a high school band…”

“Come on, bro. Just leave her alone…”

“No, I want to hear more. Why can’t you believe?”

“I don’t know. You don’t seem… sexy enough for this.” You narrow your eyes, biting the inner part of your cheek.

“MC… let it go… he’s just teasing you.”

“I want to know! As far as I’m aware, I should be a good singer, my… sex appeal or whatever shouldn’t play a part on this. Right, Zen?”

“Well…” he looks to the side, avoiding your eyes. “B-But I disagree with him, MC. I think you’re sexy! I mean… you’re cute… I mean…”

“Dude, just shut up…” you glare at them both. “You see, cutie?”

“I’m not seeing anything. Not yet. Tell me… do you have an electric guitar here?”

“MC…?” Zen meets your gaze. “What are you thinking?”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, it’s in the back, Zen plays it here sometimes…”

“Come on, Zen.” You get out of the table and head to the little stage.

“Shit, this girl is crazy!” Zen follows you. “MC, what are you thinking?”

“I just want to have some fun, Zenny. Can you grab the guitar in the back, please?” you say smiling and reaching for some hair elastic bands in the pockets of your shorts, tying your hair in two piggy tails.

Okay, Zen is scared and excited, the fire in your eyes is… impressive, he can’t take his eyes from you under these colorful lights, you remind him… of himself, getting ready to a performance for the musical theater club… that one he never had a chance to actually talk to you?

“Fine. Grab the mic. I’ll follow you.” You smile at him, and he feels super hot, for some reason.

You go up the little stage of the club, and a great amount of eyes drop on you. You shiver, but this one is bigger than that one you felt when Zen touched you.

“H-Hi… Ladies and gentlemen and… ugh, who am I kidding? Fuck gender, am I right?” you gain some cheers and whistles. Okay… don’t screw this up, MC… think!

You run to Zen, who’s setting the guitar equipment, and whisper something quickly to him. He nods and smiles, watching you reassume your position in the mic.

Zen plays the intro. You cannot believe he actually knows the song…

_“You don’t have to be beautiful to turn me on. I just need your body, babe, from dusk till dawn… You don’t need experience to turn me on. You just leave it all up to me, I’m gonna show you what it’s all about.”_

The audience quickly plays along, you look behind you and Zen is smiling while looking down to the chords of the guitar.

_“You got to not talk dirty, baby, if you wanna impress me. You can’t be too flirty, mama,_ __  
And know how to undress me (Yeah) I want to be your fantasy, maybe you could be mine  
You just leave it all up to me, we could have a good time”

Then he joins you in the mic for the chorus

_“You don’t have to be rich to be my girl , you don’t have to be cool to rule my world_ _  
Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with. I just want your extra time and your… kiss.”_

You end up the little impromptu performance feeling hot, but you’re shivering at the same time, it’s amazing! And you don’t know how to describe. But the audience cheering you makes you feel like you’re in top of the world.

Then Zen hugs you, and you hug him back. You don’t mind right now, he was amazing just following you like this. He is… much more than you could imagine, huh?

You two meet his friend a little after you got off the stage, both of you smirking teasingly.

“Look at you! You know how to do sexy, huh?”

“Nah… I just know how to have fun.” Then you look at Zen and smile.

                                                                                                                                                                                    ***

It’s Monday, and you walk these hallways triumphally, still tasting that rush from Saturday night. Ah, the audience… the stage… the guitar player… it was perfect! And nobody knows a shit about this, so this victory feels like it’s yours, just yours… and Zen’s, alright.

Or maybe this isn’t something so particular… you feel pairs of eyes checking on you, or… maybe it’s just your imagination?

You are heading to your locker when a cold hand meets your shoulder from behind. You look to find its owner and…

“Jumin?”

“I’m calling an emergency meeting. Come with me.” He uses his hand to guide you, you’re confused, but… your learned by now not to mess with him, dude is scary! And handsome… you didn’t have a chance to notice his features, but now that he’s so close… and angry…

“Something wrong, MC?” shit! He realized you’ve been staring…

“I…I… you tell me.”

“Don’t worry. I know it’s not your fault.”

“F-fault?” he walks you to this abandoned room. You know this place, it used to be the musical theater room…  but why is it so dark and… why is Jumin taking you to a dark room?

Okay, first of all, this room isn’t dark. Second, you need to get your mind out of the gutter, this is becoming very troublesome… you barely walk the room and Saeyoung runs to hug you.

“Oh, my little viral is here!”

“Your… what?” oh no… could it be?

Sure you’ve noticed a few cameras among the audience, Zen sent you the links for the videos, but… a viral? No, it couldn’t be, the video with most views just reached like, 200 views.

“Saeyoung, it’s not a viral.” You state as you see the same video from before, yep, 200 views.

“Well, it is a start, you never know what can go viral.”

“After two days? Well…” Jaehee apparently agrees with you.

“Ahh, you’re just like my brother, why don’t you let me have even small things?” he does a dramatic gesture and looks to his brother, who basically ignores him.

“Jumin, why did you call a meeting? Class will start soon.” Yoosung says, clearly annoyed and probably a little sleepy. Oh, so he’s grumpy in the morning, that’s unexpected.

“Yes, I’ll be quick, we just need Zen here and… ah, here you are.” Zens walks in, his eyes immediately meet your and he smiles.

“How was the rest of your weekend, Lana?” you just giggle and blush slightly. “What’s with this fuss, jerk? I hate coming to class in the first period and you know that!”

“I’m doing you a favor, since you’re here, you could actually, you know, go to class?”

“Don’t tell me what to do and just cut the crap, asshole! What do you want?”

“I want to scold you for taking a freshman to a nightclub and putting her up a stage for her to be filmed and watched by everyone on Youtube.” Everyone? It’s just 200 people…

“Jumin, Zen didn’t make me do anything, I…”

“MC, you’re new here, I don’t know you very much, but I know him very well. You can’t expose our new vocalist like this, Zen.”

“Dude! You’re so uptight! We were just having fun!”

“Oh, I see how much fun you were having, the way you looked at her clothes and the song you picked. Tsk… you’re so vulgar.” Excuse me?

“Jumin, I really hate this word.” You say, and all the eyes in the room go to you.

“Pardon?”

“Vulgar. It’s such an awful word! Do you think Prince is vulgar?”

“MC, I… didn’t mean it like this. I…”

“Then what did you mean, dude? Because you can’t call MC vulgar! And can we actually talk about how you’re the last person to judge what’s vulgar and what’s not?”

“Zen, I got this…” you say, your hand goes to his shoulder, which he gently pries away.

“It’s fine, MC. This jerk needs to listen! Playing the moralist on me? You, Jumin? Who are you to say anything about vulgarity and… morality and…? You’re such a hypocrite!” he steps towards Jumin, uh oh…

“Dude, calm your ass down…” Shit! Even Saeran is telling him to chill, what’s happening?

“I hate guys like you! You do the shit and then just walk away like nothing ever happened, right? But what if everybody knew who you really are, Jumin? What if V knew?” it’s quick as a bolt, you just see Jumin grabbing Zen by his collar shirt.

Saeyoung places himself in front of you, like he’s protecting you. But from what? They won’t really start a fight, will they?

“You’ll keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.” That’s all you hear Jumin muttering. Saeran and Yoosung try to separate them, but Jumin is tightening the grip. Shit!

“Guys… let’s calm down. We don’t want anybody finding out we’re using this room for the band meetings, so we can’t drive attention, especially this kind of attention. Jumin… let him go.” Jaehee says as she’s talking to two kids. Jumin’s eyes quickly meet your curious and horrified ones… then he lets Zen go. Everybody is finally able to exhale.

What the fuck just happened here?


	5. Chapter 4

“Come out, MC! Let us see how you look!”

Ugh… you feel so pathetic, you don’t even know what’s worst, the ruffles in the dress or the cat ears Saeyoung insisted you should try. This dress is too short, you’ll have to wear a bloomer… oh my God! Is there something lamer than a freaking bloomer?

So let’s see, are you uncomfortable because of the clothes or because you’re changing in Yoosung’s bathroom? Both? Yes, Yoosung’s bathroom is pretty clean and all, but ugh… it’s still a young boy’s bathroom… and your father always teased your uncle about what kinds of thing he used to do alone in the bathroom when he was a teenage… no, you don’t want to think like this, especially not about Yoosung, who’s so sweet.

“Please, MC. I told Jumin we would have a costume ready for you until tomorrow.” Jaehee pleads. Oh yeah… she’s the reason you agreed on coming to Yoosung’s house after class. If it were only you, Yoosung and Saeyoung, you wouldn’t probably want to go. You’re glad there’s another girl here, even though she sounds as uncomfortable as you.

“Okay… here it goes…” you open the bathroom door and walk in to Yoosung’s bedroom, only to find three pairs of eyes analyzing you.

“MC, you look… kinda adorable…” Jaehee says, without blinking.

“Kinda? She looks perfect! I knew the cat ears would be a nice touch to the piggytails, which was genius of you, MC. I knew piggytails were your brand as soon as I saw that video with Zen.”

Yoosung is just blushing and staring. Is he alright?

“So… what do you think, MC?” Jaehee asks.

“I…” you sigh “I look like I’m the star of a Card Captor Sakura porn parody, which would be disturbing in so many levels…” Saeyoung doesn’t even change his expression, which concerns you. “I’m sorry, I know you put a lot of effort in this, Saeyoung, it’s very cute, it’s just… not for me?”

“But you’re very cute…” he pouts and whines, and it’s so annoying you don’t even care he’s complimenting you.

“I… it’s just too short, it’s shorter than my shorts from that night with Zen and…” ugh, don’t even think about that night again, just to think of how many trouble that brought…

“You… l-look… really g-go-good, MC. I like it… a lot.” Yoosung finally speaks, his face is as red as Saeyoung’s hair.

“Thank you…” now you’re blushing, because he’s being too cute, you smile at him and he tries to smile back, but he’s so flustered it’s almost scary.

“Whoa! You look like the star of a Card Captor Sakura porn parody, which would be disgusting!” Saeran almost shouts as he walks in Yoosung’s bedroom. Ugh… did you two really think about the same thing?

“See, even this asshole agrees with me, Saeyoung! Just imagine what Jumin will say…”

“And ever since when do you care about what Jumin thinks?” Saeran asks.

“I don’t know, Saeran, ever since he jumped at Zen’s throat?”

“Ah, yes, that… Don’t mind their bickering too much, stupid.” He shrugs, you roll your eyes.

“He’s right, MC. Don’t worry about them, they’ve been like this since first year.” Jaehee says as she’s talking to a kid. “Besides, Jumin already apologized to you, didn’t he?”

Did he? Time for a quick flashback.

_After lunch break yesterday, you were in your locker looking for the biology book, when Jumin showed up, just like he did early in the morning. Oh no… is he going to yell at you? Actually, you would prefer if he yelled at you, maybe it would be less scary than what you saw in that old room._

_“I need to talk to you.”_

_“Sure… go ahead.”_

_“I… was talking to Jaehee and she booked a gig for us, we’ll play at some seniors’ party in two weeks. Rehearsals will start tomorrow at Yoosung’s garage, okay?”_

_“Okay… thanks for the heads up.” You keep flipping through your books, his furious eyes looking at Zen still giving you the creeps. And the fact that he keeps standing next to you with his hands in his pockets without saying anything  isn’t helping at all. “Anything else?”_

_“Yes, I… I… just wanted to say that we’re even.”_

_“Even?”_

_“I’ll forgive you for the way you talked to me in the audition if you forget what you saw this morning.” Oh… so he feels bad too._

_“May I ask what that was about, by the way?”_

_“Don’t worry, it was just Zen being dramatic, and I… got a little carried away with all his drama as well. Just… forget what you saw, and… please know I don’t think you’re vulgar, I just expressed myself in a wrong way…”_

_“Will you apologize to Zen too?”_

_“Don’t worry about Zen, MC. He doesn’t deserve your concerns.”_

“Well, consider yourself lucky, this is the closest I’ve ever heard about Jumin Han apologizing.” Saeyoung says.

“Yeah, and I kinda agree with Jumin, MC. You shouldn’t worry about Zen that much…” Yoosung speaks a he’s afraid of your reaction.

“Why not? He was the victim and… that fight started because of me, after all…”

“MC… don’t say that. Why would you even think like this?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Jaehee? She’s catching the feels for Zen! Ugh… you’re so predictable…” Saeran narrows his eyes at you, you do the same.

“I’m… I’m not! I’m just worried!”

“Ohhh, I saw how worried you were walking him to the nurse when he clearly was fine.”

“So what? I was worried and I helped him because he was really nice to me before!”

“MC? Did something happen between you two in the nursery?” Jaehee asks in a concerning tone.

Did it? Time for another flashback!

_“Ugh, I should have broken that jerk’s face!” Zen mutters._

_“Then we would be going to detention instead of nursery…”_

_“Detention isn’t that bad, trust me. And what’s with the ‘we’? You would go to detention with me?”_

_“I would, since I started the fight…”_

_“What? No, you didn’t! I mean… that jerk was being a jerk to you, but I started, MC. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t put you in trouble.”_

_“Funny you say that after giving me a fake ID and taking me to a nightclub… You’re lucky that I had fun, otherwise I would have to report you!” you two chuckle “Oh, remind me of bringing your jacket tomorrow, I need to give you back.”_

_“Keep it if you want. It looked better on you, anyway.” No, not really… “Plus, use it when you’re in a place with a lot of guys, they’ll think you have a boyfriend and leave you alone. Men just respect girls if they know she already belongs to another man.”_

_“Yeah, because a ‘no’ from the girl isn’t enough, she needs to walk with a NO sign that smells like testosterone from another guy to be respected.”_

_“I… guess… Please keep the jacket, okay? It’s an apologizing gift for everything I did…”_

_“It’s fine, Zen. You can apologize to me singing good duets like that ‘Kiss’ one. You killed it, sir!” he blushes again and chuckles, looking down._

_“It’s easy to kill when you sing from your heart…” what… what does he mean? “Thank you for giving me your… extra time, MC.” Shit! Just imagine if he says he wants a kiss, like in that Prince’s song… no, look at him! Look at you! He doesn’t really… why is he coming so close?_

_“I… gotta go, I’m late for math class. Boy, do I like math? So uhm… text me if the nurse says you’re not ok… so, uhm… thanks for the jacket. Bye…” you almost ran out of there, swearing you saw  a little smirk in those perfect lips…_

“Nah, nothing happened. Saeran is just being a prick, but what else is new?”

“Okay… tell me if something happens, okay? Zen has this little tendency of flirting with…”

“Everything that breathes.” Saeyoung interrupts her.

“And… this could be trouble for the band, so tell me if he’s making you uncomfortable, okay?” you weren’t really uncomfortable, were you? It was more like… surprised?

“Sure, I will. Don’t worry…” you don’t want to cause any trouble for Zen… again.

“Okay, Jumin will probably like the costume, but since you didn’t, MC… I’ll keep looking, how do you feel about red latex?” you and Jaehee look at Saeyoung with widen eyes. “Just kidding… or am I?”

“Very funny. Come on, guys, let’s help Yoosung opening the garage. Jumin and Zen are probably on their way.” Jaehee says, grabbing Saeyoung’s arm to force him out of Yoosung’s bed.

“I’ll just change into normal clothes and meet you.” You say, heading to the bathroom. Ugh… this zipper… is stuck! Maybe Jaehee is still here to help you?

“Hey, Jae…” you yelp as you see Saeran still there. “Why aren’t you helping Yoosung in the garage?”

“Don’t tell me what to do, especially when you look so pathetic!”

“Ugh… whatever, dude. Just shut up and help me with this zipper.” You walk to him.

“W-what?”

“The zipper in the back is stuck, help me! Or you’ll have to keep looking at this pathetic figure during rehearsal.”

“I’ll… I’ll call Jaehee…”

“Dude, you’re here doing nothing and she’s busy! It’s just a zipper!” you don’t even like each other, why would this be a problem for him or for you? It’s not like you’re asking Zen or… no, forget that “Or are you that useless that you can’t help me with this single fly?”

“I’ll show you useless!”  he grabs your shoulders and makes you turn your back on him. “So, uhm… we told you before, but since you’re so stupid, I’ll say it again. Don’t mind about Jumin and Zen too much, you’re not their problem at all. Just focus on singing.”

“Why should I listen to you?”

“Because I’m the only one who will always be honest with you, since I don’t really care about how you feel. So… just know this thing between them didn’t start with you, it comes from when Rika was still in the band.” You feel the zipper going down. “So, don’t think you’re so special, okay?” he grins at you.

“Asshole.”

“Yeah, I can probably see one if you don’t put a bloomer or whatever…”

“GET OUT!!!” what a gross stupid jerk! He walks away laughing as you slam the bedroom’s door.

You walk into the garage and meet everybody, including Zen and Jumin.It’s the first time you see them together after that weird scene from Monday, the first time you see Jumin after his attempt of an apology and the first time you see Zen after… whatever happened in the nursery…

Ugh… what is this feeling in your stomach? You just wanted to sing, you didn’t sign up for all this drama, and definitely not for these feelings…


	7. Chapter 6

“Hey, bro, come here! MC was about to tell me about her first kiss!”

“What… what?”

“What the hell?” Saeran asks, joining you and Saeyoung at the cafeteria table.

“He’s not… he’s not talking serious right now…” you say, trying to avoid both twin’s gaze.

“So you’ve kissed before?” Saeran asks, and it doesn’t look like he’s teasing.

“What? I… this doesn’t have anything to do what I was trying to tell your brother! I was trying to talk about something really weird that happened at Yoosung’s place that night after fisrt rehearsal.”

“Something weird?”

“Yeah, I… no, forget it.”

“What? Noooo, don’t be shy just because Saeran is here, he can make part of our little pact too…”

“What the hell are you talking about, Saeyoung?” you notice as Saeran widens his eyes and gets flustered, just like you did when he came up with this “pact” thing.

“Oh, haven’t you heard, bro? My relationship with MC has evolved enough for us to do a ‘No questions asked’ pact.”

“Relationship?” you ask

“Friendship, whatever. The only thing important here is that something happened at Yoosung’s place, MC needed someone to talk to and came to me, but… she doesn’t want me to ask much, though. So she agreed on a ‘no questions asked’ deal.”

“Of course you did, since you’re stupid enough to do whatever this fool wants!”

“Yeah, for the first time I guess you’re right, this was stupid. It’s just… I didn’t know who to talk to, and this thing has been bothering me a lot, so… desperation got the best of me.”

“Oh, why didn’t you talk to your precious Zenny about it?” Saeran scoffs, and you roll your eyes.

“Because… of something you told me about Rika, Zen and Jumin.”

“I don’t remember doing that.”

“What do you mean? That day in Yoosung’s house when you helped me getting out of that dress.” Saeyoung widens his eyes and looks at his brother.

“Oh my… so many revelations today, what is that about, by the way?”

“No-nothing! I just helped her unzipping that hideous dress you put her on, idiot!” you notice a pale shade of crimson across Saeran’s cheeks. “And you! You… realize you’re not making any sense right now, don’t you?” you groan in annoyance and glare at him.

“Okay, let me make myself clear so this slow brain of yours can follow. You told me Zen and Jumin fighting has something to do with Rika, which was why I thought it wasn’t a good idea talking about it with Zen.”

“Because…?” Saeyoung aks.

“Because… I met Rika at Yoosung’s house and… she was… kinda… weird.”

“Why?” both twins ask at the same time.

“I…” you look at Saeran, embarrassed. Talking with Saeyoung felt right because, despite him being odd, he seems like someone who would listen and try to give you an unbiased opinion, unlike his twin, who had picked on you from the moment you showed up.

“I told you before I’ll always be honest with you because unlike these softies, I won’t spare your stupid little feelings, didn’t I?” Wow, great way to make someone feel comfortable… “So spit it out! You know if the bitch did something to harm you, you have to let us know, right?”

“Oh my god… did she hurt you?” Saeyoung asks with widen eyes.

“No! No, she didn’t… she was… really nice… too nice, actually.”

Time for what? A flashback!

_You excuse yourself to try calling your father. As much as Yoosung’s family is adorable and welcoming, just like him, you really need to go home. It’s getting late and you have class tomorrow! How come your dad forgot about this? It’s not like you would like him to be all over you 24/7 like he was a little after your mom left him, but… right now, he’s just a hypocrite calling you out for being irresponsible, when he is the real irresponsible one here! And… your phone not getting any signal is not really making things easy right now!_

_“I always tell Yoosung this house is kinda like a giant elevator. There’s always no signal here!” she shows up in the hallway and comes towards you. “Let’s get upstairs and I’ll show you the tricks to get some bars there.”_

_She grabs your hand and drags you upstairs, her blonde waves brushing against your face lightly. Hum… she feels really different from what you remember of that day in the record store… and why is he here? Wasn’t she on tour with Taylor Swift or… Carrie Underwood? Or… ugh… how were those rumors again?_

_“Here, it always works best here! Try now!” right she was! The signal bars increase in the screen phone._

_“Thanks, Rika.”_

_“You’re welcome, honey!” so so different…_

_Oh! So your father answered your texts! Last one was a few minutes ago, telling he was coming to get you. Hum… maybe he wasn’t that irresponsible… but he is still pretty hypocrite._

_“Who is that? Your bf?”_

_“Uhm, no. My father.”_

_“Why isn’t your bf coming to pick you up?”_

_“Because I don’t have one?”_

_“Oh… no boyfriend? Hum… that’s too bad…” she pouts and giggles. Okay… “So you must be enjoying a lot this attention from all these guys in the band. Of course, you could enjoy that even having a boyfriend, but… being single you can do it with no guilty, right?”_

_“I… wouldn’t know. And I don’t get attention, I mean… probably not in the way you’re talking about.” Another giggle._

_“You’re really adorable! No wonder V kept talking how perfect you were to be a good understudy for me!” Oh yeah… V…are they still dating even with him in college? Wait, why are you even thinking about this? “He was so impressed with your knowledge on music, your voice, your charisma… and Yoosung looks really impressed too, doesn’t he?”_

_“You… should ask him that. I wouldn’t know.” you two hear the noise of a horn downstairs. “Oh, it’s my father! I should get going. Bye, Rika.” You try to go, but she blocks your way with one of her arms._

_“What would you know, then?” she asks, smirking, then playing with a lock of your hair in her fingers. “I think you know much more than you look. I’m sure there’s a really clever mind behind this cuteness, oh… and this is trouble, isn’t it? Smart, cute and talented, how can those poor guys resist? How can anyone resist?” what… what is happening? Why is she so close?_

_“MC?” you jump when you hear Yoosung’s voice. “Rika? What are you two doing?”_

_“Oh, we were just talking about hair. MC said she was thinking about dying her hair to blonde just like mine. What do you think, Yoosungie?” what the hell?_

_“It would look really great, MC! Rika’s hair color is really beautiful! You would look even cuter!_

_“Yes, that’s exactly what I told her. Even cuter…” she smirks and takes her arm out of your way. You say a quick goodbye to Yoosung and his family before your father decides to stop horning and starts yelling._

“Wait! What about the kiss?”

“Ugh… I told you there was no kiss, Saeyoung!”

“Ah yeah, usually there isn’t a kiss after the classic tsundere move of blocking the girl’s way with the arm and doing some flirty threats… but let’s have the tsundere himself share his thoughts. What do you think, bro?”

“What are you even talking about, you weirdo? Don’t encourage this crazyhead here with your anime bullshit!”

“Crazyhead?” you glare at him, your voice is louder than you would like.

“Paranoid, narcissistic, you name it. You just have this big complex on thinking everything is about you. There are always guys fighting for you, a girl wanting to kiss you…”

“Which girl wants to kiss you, MC?” the three of you spot Jaehee and Yoosung coming with their trays. You immediately freeze when you see Yoosung.

“There is no girl! She’s just imagining things like she did before when she thought Jumin and Zen were fighting for her.” Saeran scoffs “Like someone was going to be stupid enough to fight for you… or kiss you.”

“You know there’s a big difference between being honest and being an asshole, right?” you say and get off the table, your voice finally reaching the right tone to deal with this jerk.

“That was really mean and unnecessary, Saeran.” Jaehee says coldly.

“Yeah, bro! Too much tsuntsun and too little deredere…” he says, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

“Shut up, Saeyoung.” Jaehee and Saeran say at the same time.

“I’m gonna see if she’s okay, guys.” Yoosung goes after you.

He finds you angrily flipping through your books in your locker room. You look quickly at him and goes back to the books.

“Hey…” he says almost in a whisper. “MC?”

“Yes, Yoosung?” you look at him, he looks almost scared and… worried.

“MC, I… think you should not take things too personal when it comes to Saeran. He… doesn’t think much before talking, but… I don’t think he meant what he said.”

“That’s because you’re too nice and tend to see the best in everybody, Yoosung. With Saeran or…” you were going to say Rika, but why? You’re not even sure if she was flirting or threatening you, like Saeyoung said. “Saeran is a jerk, okay?”

“Well, he’s one of my closest friends and I don’t think he’s as mean as he tries to come across next to you, but… I… I do disagree on him, if you want to know… I-I… think there’s nothing crazy about wanting to fight you… or-or… k-kiss you…” both of you blush with his sudden boldness. “I mean… I think you’re great! And you should think the same about yourself! So don’t mind Saeran too much, okay?” you laugh softly at the way he rubs the back of his head, embarrassed.

“Okay, I’ll try. But just because you’re asking and because you really killed with our little Vanessa Carlton duet. Why don’t you sing more often?”

“Oh, you know… it’s just… we have Zen to steal the spotlight, and I… feel comfortable in the background with the keyboards, the spotlight is for people like… Zen and you…” wow, you’re being compared to Zen now, it’s a really long way after being offended by Saeran in such a little time…

“Tsk, too bad. I think we work really great on a duet. Maybe we would be even better with a song from this decade, you know?” he laughs.

“Oh, we could sing Little Mix one day! That one with Jason Derulo, or… or… Oops with Charlie Puth!”

“Well, you would have to do the whistle part, since I don’t know how…” you look away.

“You don’t know how to whistle?” his bright eyes widen in amusement.

“I don’t!” you pout, and he laughs. “Hey, don’t laugh!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you! Just… just wet your lips and pucker them.”

“W-why?”

“To whistle! You just have to wet your lips and blow some air, with your tongue relaxed, like this.” The sound comes from his mouth effortlessly, which doesn’t happen to you, making you both chuckle “That’s… that’s so cute, MC.”

“There’s nothing cute about being such a dork!” you say dramatically.

“Well, Rika says I’m a cute dork… what do you think?” Oh yeah… Rika… what would it happen if you told him what happened between you two? Would he call you crazy too? Well, considering how much he seems to idolize her, probably… Yoosung is probably the last person you would like to upset with your… craziness?

“I… I wouldn’t know…” you shrug, and he smiles softly, almost like he was waiting for this answer.

“Alright. See you in rehearsal later, MC.” Oh no… did you upset him?

The bell rings and the hallway gets crowded with students running to get to class in time. Well, maybe Saeran is right, you’re crazy. But nobody can convince you that Rika isn’t a little crazy too, not even Yoosung.


	8. Chapter 7

You turn the light switcher and the ceiling fan in one quick move, giving a quick look around the record store. It looks cleaner than it used to be before summer, but you still have some work to do with the records on the second floor. Hopefully, Jaehee and Jumin won’t feel like climbing up the stairs.

“Make yourself comfortable, guys. Or… at least try to.”

“It looks almost like a library.” Jaehee looks around everywhere. “How many records do you think there are?”

“More than 3000.” Jumin states, flipping though some random albums mindlessly.

“3.647, actually.” Both of them look at you curiously. “According to my uncle, don’t look at me like I counted them all.” You lost count, actually.

“It’s impressive. Do you have profit?” Jumin asks, glancing quickly to the cashier register.

“Come on, people don’t buy even CDs these days, let alone vinyl records. We do have some faithful customers, however. My uncle’s former band mates, some elderly citizens who like bolero and hipsters who are looking for inspiration for t-shirts, I guess.”

“Well, some albums’ covers look like true masterpieces, so it’s understandable.” Not really the point, but yeah, he’s right.

“Anyway, feel free to have a look around. Let me know if you like something, maybe there is a symbolic prize and you’ll pay less for it.”

“Oh yes, V told me about how he bought a Patti Smith’s album almost for free.” Ugh… why did V lie about this to him as well?

“How is he? I mean… how is college?” and Rika? Are they dating? Did he find out she’s a weird girl who throws flirty threats to her cousin’s friend?

“He texted me yesterday, we’re not talking much because he’s been busy. I didn’t know you’ve knew him to know he is in college, MC.”

“Well, we had a casual talk right here a few days ago. He talked about college and told me about the audition, the rest you know by yourself.” He also said you’re talented.

“Well, he’s not one to brag, but he can get very cocky sometimes.” He says flipping through some records again. “Do you have Meatloaf?”

“Do you like Meat Loaf?” you and Jaehee ask at the same time, he rolls his eyes and goes back to flipping through the records. Well, he does, and he’s not proud of it.

“I guess you could say it’s a sort of guilty pleasure.” He mutters.

“I think guilty pleasures are so lame.” Both of them look at you. “I mean, why would you be embarrassed about something that makes you happy? Except it’s something outrageous or… incriminating, I don’t know. Why would you be embarrassed about liking Meat Loaf?”

“Because it’s a band with the name of a food, because it’s not even a great rock band, because… their songs aren’t bad…”

“Yeah? And so what? You like it, it makes you happy. Everybody likes terrible things. Me, for example, I love… the Kardashians.”

“Will it be offensive if I say I’m not that surprised?” he asks. Was that… a joke? Coming from Jumin Han?

“It wouldn’t, because I’m not feeling guilty of my pleasure, or… something like this, I guess. What about you, Jaehee? There’s something you’re embarrassed of liking it?”

“Zen.” Jumin says, still looking at the records, not noticing- or not minding- the surprised eyes from both girls.

“Zen?” you ask, trying to ignore he basically called Zen a “something”. “Jaehee, you…?”

“I don’t. Jumin is getting quite imaginative these days.” Wow, she’s being as formal as him, a sign that she’s nervous? A sign that she’s lying?

“Are you denying you liked him when we were freshmen?”

“Every girl liked Zen in the first year. I was no exception, but… now we are fiends and things changed a lot in two years, Jumin.”

“If you say so.” He shrugs, showing he’s not interested in going on with this conversation, but you are.

“Have you and Zen… ever…?”

“Oh, oh no… it was just a crush, but it faded away as soon as we became friends. He… wanted dancing lessons from me.” She blushes and looks away, which is… amusing somehow.

“You dance?”

“I did ballet and modern dance when I was younger. And Zen… wanted to learn how to dance to join the musical theater club.”

“Oh… why haven’t you joined? We could have been buddies watching the club getting shut down.”

“I…” she starts messing some old show tunes records “Oh! A Chorus Line, have you ever heard this one, MC?”

“I did. We sang ‘One’ in the club once. Ugh… so cheesy, I would have shut down any club who submits their students to such a monstrosity like that… but the real musical is great.”

“Oh, I love ‘At the Ballet’!” and then she hums the melody, oh… judging from what you’re hearing, she is… “Oh, sorry, I’m a little tonedeaf.”

“I see…” you hear, actually.

“Anyway… if you don’t mind me asking, what was your fight with Saeran about?”

“You fought with Saeran?” wow, Jumin isn’t really up to date with things going on around him, except when it comes to Zen, and… Rika? No, don’t think bout Rika right now.

“He was just being rude, as usual, but this time I wasn’t having it. Not that I had the other times, fuck him.”

“He was talking about a girl wanting to kiss you…?” Jaehee asks.

“Oh, yeah… that. Hum… you know what? Maybe he isn’t that wrong, I… I’m just crazy.” You don’t really want to talk about Rika in front of Jumin, though you’re pretty sure if there is a person who can give you some answers, it would be him.

“You just said you weren’t having it. What made you change your mind?” he asks. Shit!

“I… I don’t know. And… who cares if there is a girl wanting to kiss me, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. You two know that better than I do, probably.” They both look at you intently.

“What do…”

“… you mean?”

“Well, because you’re both gay,and…”

“Gay?” they look at each other, confused, and then at you. “Who’s gay, MC?” Jaehee asks, blushing.

“You… two? Aren’t you?”

“No!” Jaehee protests clumsly, getting all flustered. Oh… were you doing the stereotype thing again? Just like you did with Zen’s friend? Ugh… stupid!

“I heard that too many times to even bother to answer.” Jumin rolls his eyes. “Oh, and I’m taking these, MC. How much?” you say a price, wondering if you should have established a symbolic price by yourself after obviously upsetting him. “Keep the change. I’ll get going, do you need a ride, Jaehee?”

“No, I’m fine.” He nods and waves a goodbye to you, heading out of the store. Shit… when you thought you two were starting to get along.

“I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

“With Jumin? Nah, I don’t think so. He just… likes to make dramatic exits.” You both chuckle. Though you’re not fully convinced, you’re a little relieved after her attempt of making you feel better, like a great leader would do. “MC, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Do you… why did you think I was gay?”

“No particular reason beside me thinking of stereotypes. You just… have this really badass haircut, and… walks with this bunch of guys, and… you know? I should stop talking, I feel like I’m sounding more and more stupid.” She chuckles. “I’m sorry for jumping into conclusions, Jaehee, I…”

“It’s fine. Oh… and just so you know, I… don’t think there’s something wrong with kissing girls, either.” She smiles and you smile back. “So… does that phonograph work?”

“It does, my uncle takes a better care of it than he does with his own health, actually.”

“So, uhm… can we hear this?” she shyly takes the Chorus Line out of the pile, and you smile, taking it from her hand.

But you barely listened to the album, you were busy talking. You used to have a lot of girlfriends when you were in middle school, even though you felt oddly dislocated in girl talking. But with her, it was pretty natural. Your mother used to tell you that when two girl laugh together, they become friends for real. And your cheeks were hurting from how much you laughed.

“So Zen asked me if he had to wear a leotard to learn ballet.”

“Oh my God, tell me you told him that was mandatory!”

“Well, I didn’t… but I regret up until these days not to.” You both laugh. “I… really liked him back then, I didn’t want him to make a fool of himself.”

“What happened? Why haven’t you… confessed to him or something?”

“I honestly realized we would work better as friends. There’s always this point with Zen, you’ll see.” What does she mean? Is she… is she thinking you and Zen…?

“Oh, I guess we are at this point already.” Are you? You haven’t talked much with him ever since… that day you sang with Yoosung… “So… how did a tonedeaf great ballet dancer with a badass haircut like you become the manager of these guys?

“Well, Jumin and I were partners in a lot of group tasks, he was going to take over V’s place at the bass and needed someone to fill his place as the manager, so… I was the better option, according to him.” Oh… Jumin was the manager, no wonder he still acts like a leader, somehow. Did he boss Rika around telling her not to shake her hips like he does to you? “And, I have much more fun than I care to admit, you know? They are… well, you are, like a bunch of brothers, teasing, fighting and in the end, having fun. And I’m the momager.”

“Did you just…?”

“You’re not the only one to like the Kardashians, MC. But shhh, I’m not so proud of my guilty pleasures like you.” You both laugh. “Ahh, is that _‘[Sing](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DyfjxXiIO3RQ&t=OTU2MmFiMDUxYjBjZjFhYWIyMzBmZDYzMDk3MDg3MDIyYmQ4YzZjMyxxOHJTdXoyRw%3D%3D&b=t%3A0RuPRmZWdJPZmxcWulfbRA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fmissthingmessenger.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162314249783%2Fhigh-school-band-au-ch-7&m=1)’_ ? This music is perfect for me!” Oh yeah, the Chorus Line soundtrack, you were so focused o your talk you almost forgot about the song. “See, I really couldn’t sing, I could never do was…”

_“Sing.”_ You follow the record playing, and she smiles at you.

“I have trouble with the…”

_“Note”._

“It goes all around my… “

_“Throat”_

“It’s a terrifying…”

_“Thing!”_

And you two keep playing this unusual duet, even waltzing in the part they sing “Still, I’m terrific at a… _dance!_ ”

And as you dance in the limited space, smiling and having fun, you realize how bad you misjudge her in the first time you’ve met each other. The guys showed who they were to you in the minute you’ve met, Zen was flirty, Saeyoung was crazy, Yoosung was sweet, Jumin was cold and Saeran was… a dick. She’s the only one who didn’t show you much, maybe for you to realize she’s even sweeter, nicer and more caring than what you could possibly expect from your first impression?

She’s an amazing person you’re glad o become friends with. To the point you don’t even want her to go when she looks at her watch and says it’s late.

“I had lots of fun today, MC! I knew convincing Jumin to come with me to meet where you work was a good idea!”

“Oh, I thought it was the other way around, he convinced you…”

“Nah, between the two of us, Jumin thinks he is still the boss, but… he’s not.” You two chuckle. “Though, I have to agree with him and say you can take it easy a little on the hips thing.” Well, it’s not like you really mind if you’re being asked politely like this, just because of her, you will consider. “See you tomorrow, MC!”

This was great! You miss haing fun with other girls, if only your classmates weren’t so pathetic gushing over Zen and…

Zen… Jaehee said she doesn’t like Zen anymore, why do you care so much? It’s not like… it’s not like you’re just like your classmates, are you? No, no you’re not! They probably don’t think there’s nothing wrong with kissing girls.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentioning of an attempt of raping

Seniors. They look like a bunch of gorillas, bumping, grinding, groaning in this little jungle that was this house whose owners were probably away on a trip for the weekend, leaving the baby gorilla alone. But gorillas live in packs, and drink in packs, and the male gorillas cat call the female ones in packs, ugh… senior are gross. And you, the freshman, the little domesticated chimp monkey, can’t say a thing about this, you can only smile and hope this torture ends soon.

“Nervous?” Jaehee asks you, helping you zip the pleated skirt in the back.

“Terrified, actually.”

“I would be too.” Wow, such a great motivator. “I mean… this is part of the rush, right? Getting nervous… if you weren’t feeling anything, it would be a problem.” Oh… that actually makes sense.

“Yes, you’re right.” You smile and look straight at her through the mirror. “How do I look?”

“Much greater than I would expect. When Saeyoung said he would dress you as a schoolgirl, I was so scared, but this… is very cute. So you look cute”

“Thanks, Jaehee.” You two smile at each other, like good friends.

“So, MC, just to… make it clear, about that conversation we had, you…”

“Oh, don’t worry, I… I don’t have feelings for Zen, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She widens her eyes and opens her mouth, but… doesn’t say anything. Weird.

“Well, I guess you’re ready to go, I’ll… see how the guys are going with setting the instruments.” Oh… why do you have the feeling this had nothing to do with Zen?

Doesn’t matter, forget Zen, forget that Jaehee used to have feelings for Zen, focus on getting on that stage and performing for the gorillas. Gosh… it is terrifying, it’s the first time that you will introduce yourself as the vocalist of Mystic Messenger. It’s official!

You walk out of the bathroom where you were changing, only to find Yoosung leaning on the wall next to the door. Was he waiting for you?

“MC, hey! I… I wanted to… walk you to…” his eyes roam over you, his face gets as read as your pleated skirt. “You look great, MC.”

“You think? I feel so… weird.”

“You shouldn’t! You… you look… amazing.” And he looks away, surprised by how loud he spoke. “Can I walk you there? I already set my keyboard.”

“Yes, sure.”

The two of you move towards the living room, you glance quickly at him, noticing his hands are shaking a little. Is he stage frightening? Or is he… nervous because of you? Why would he be? He wasn’t like that when you sang A Thousand Miles together, and he definitely wasn’t like this when he tried to teach you how to whistle. Is it because of the outfit?

“I want to sing Oops with you, MC!” he says all of a sudden.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I talked to Jaehee and Jumin and they said we could have a duet together, I… sing as well as Zen, don’t you think?”

“You do, of course. But… why such a sudden decision?”

“I… I think it would be great because our voices sound good together, and… it would be the… romantic song… and… I think I suit this romantic side more than Zen, and… people would slow dance to this song.” He really thought about it, huh?

“I see. Are you trying to show your romantic side to someone here?” you tease, knowing he would do exactly this flustered expression, you’re so mean!

“I… I, yes, I… maybe.” Oh…? Really now? You didn’t expect him to be so honest…

Hum, there is somebody he likes here? You look around taking a chance to check some of the girls hanging there before the show starts, they’re all seniors… well, it’s not exactly surprising he would like older girls, you got that vibe ever since you  heard the way she talked to… Rika. Oh… Rika, she’s a senior, this is a senior’s party, Rika is here somewhere. So… is Rika the girl he’s trying to show his romantic side? But she’s his cousin, but she has a boyfriend, but… she’s weird. But… he looks so confident, you don’t want to ruin this for him, do you?

“Okay. If nobody opposed, I won’t as well.” Did it sound bitter? Ugh… you don’t want to sound bitter.

“Really?”

“Yes, sure. Let’s go and our best!” you tap his shoulder friendly, ugh, anyone else would see how uncomfortable you just got, not him, because he’s too sweet for this, isn’t he?

In the moment you step on the back of the impromptu stage, Saeyoung runs to hug you. You’ve kinda got used to it now, he acts like the mother of the bride everytime he saw you trying his creations.

“You look so fine! I’m such a genius!” Yes, this is more about him than about you, that’s why you don’t mind too much. “Guys, behold this, look like he school girl uniform evokes the exy sweetness of Britney Spears circa 1999, how the ripped details show MC’s personality on it, and how red is the greatest color ever created by the nature. Can I get an amen, Saeran?” see? He’s talking about his hair…

“Amen, whatever, dude.” And he looks away, the red of his hair apparently slipped down his cheeks.

“You did a good job.” Jumin states. “Okay, this is it. This is the official presentation card, I made sure we’re being filmed and this will be posted on youtube, that way our rivals we’ll see what we’re capable of before the Winter Festival in two weeks. I expect nothing but the best from everybody.”

“Yes, but don’t forget this is a party, people want to have fun, so… entertain them, don’t take this too serious. Make’em laugh.” Jaehee smiles, oh… Singing in the Rain reference? Good one. “Take places, everyone.”

You shake your legs and arms to loosen up, like some actors do before going on stage for a play. Should you do more vocal warming? Nah, you did it a lot in the bathroom, Jaehee was even laughing at you… relax, have fun… this is kinda ironic coming from Jaehee, she always looks tense, well… not that day in the record store…  what did she want to say before? Did she want to tell you she still has feelings for Zen? What about Zen? Was he trying to flirt with you that day in the nursery? Definitely, he flirts with everything that breathes, according to Saeyoung, when you were trying on the ruffled dress in Yoosung’s bathroom… Yoosung, he likes Rika. And Rika is here somewhere, watching you take her place as the band’s vocalist. The band!

Before you make your way to the stage, you feel an arm blocking your way… Jumin!

“I… hope you sound as good as you look. Break a leg.” He says giving you a side look before passing the strap of the bass over his shoulder and neck.

The lights dim a little, did Jumin provide all the lightening equipment? He must be really rich… Focus! You take a deep breath and look at Zen, standing to your right and giving his usual smile, you read his lips. “You got this, babe.” You give him the thumbs up nervously.

There is no curtain, but you feel like it just fell. You hear Saeran beating the sticks against each other behind you. 1… 2… 1…2…3…4!

Jumin can be a dick sometimes, but he made such a good set list! Opening with The Strokes was genius! (it was Saeran’s idea, but let’s pretend it wasn’t) Then there was the old school selection, Bon Jovi, Journey and… Meatloaf. Too bad he didn’t have a mic next to him, you wanted so bad to listen him singing “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”

But Zen was singing with you, and Zen is phenomenal! Such a presence, be careful or he’ll outshine you, you’re the vocalist here, don’t let people forget that. Well, the outfit Saeyoung put on you definitely drives the attention to you, it was clever putting you in red and everybody else in more neutral colors…

Then it moved to some more pop rock songs, most of them chose by Zen and Jaehee. You noticed the crowd got really excited with the duet between you and Zen on Everybody Talks by Neon Trees.  Probably because he looked more excited too singing something he, not Jumin, chose.

You barely noticed Jaehee running to place a mic next to Yoosung , she was fast, and it was impressive how she was able to get on that stage in order to solve something without hesitating! Yoosung and you killed in the Oops duet, you could see a lot of girls weren’t expecting to listen to Little Mix coming from a pretense rock band, and they loved it! Yoosung whistling was… adorable. You woudn’t be surprised if some girl were squealing because of him, not because of the song. Mission accomplished for him? Where’s Rika?

Some pop songs, chosen by you, Yoosung and Saeyoung. It was a good chance to Sayoung show what he could do to the pick-ups. And… well, it is your favorite genre, so… you probably sound more comfortable singing them.

The last song was your choice. “I Really Like It” by Adore Delano, you sang it smirking remember how half of them didn’t know who she was, and the other half was excited for your choice. Saeran hated it, but… his drums line sound really great on this song, you must admit.

There was no curtains, you just imagined them closing. Your chest was rising and falling so hard you could feel your heart beating in your throat.

“This was amazing, babe!” Zen grabs you by the waist when you two meet behind the stage and spin you around in the air. “You were… ugh, why didn’t you never speak up in the musical theatre club, we could have survived if you played Maria in West Side Story.”

“I doubt it, but thanks, Zen!” you say, trying to shrug it off the fact that he had you in his arms a few seconds ago.

“I’m… I’m really glad to have you here, MC. You are everything I could want on a band mate and on… a friend.”

“Thank you, Zen. You’re amazing too.”

“I… I was wondering if…”

“Yes?” No! What are you doing? Don’t look so interested, he’ll think you are… interested in him.

“If… you would like to…” oh God! “be my partner on the beer pong.” Oh… god… how come you’re relieved and frustrated at the same time?

“I… I would love to, Zen, I…” you see Jaehee talking to Jumin while they finish wrapping the equipment up. Jaehee… “Why don’t you ask Jaehee? I heard she is great at beer pong.”

“Oh… okay. But… what about you?”

“Me? Oh, I… I’m not good at… beer pong. And if I were, I would… probably make a team with… Yoosung.” He looks at you, then at Yoosung, then at you again…

“Oh… got it.” Did he? “Well, Yoosung must be a good… beer pong partner.” Oh, he did. And this isn’t about beer pong anymore, is it? “Well, let me know if… it doesn’t work out with him. I… should help Jaehee, see you at the party in a few minutes, babe.” And he walks away from you.

Well, it wasn’t like he was really flirting with you. Look at him, look at you, Zen is the kind of person who’s nice to everything that breathes, he’s not necessarily flirting, and he probably wasn’t with you. But, for added measure, and in order not to hurt Jaehee, pushing him away was probably a good idea.

Bringing Yoosung’s name to the table, on the other hand, wasn’t. What if Zen says something to him? Well, it was the only way to push Zen away without hurting him, right?  He’ll probably get mad you suggested there is something between you two when he likes someone else, no, not just someone else, the previous vocalist of the band, his cousin, the weird girl who cornered you and intimidated you for no apparent reason.

“Hey, MC! Thanks for agreeing on the duet with me!” he greets you when you finish getting changed to your usual clothes in the bathroom door. “I… really think we make a great duo.”

“I agree. I hope you liked showing your romantic side to the girl you like.”

“Oh, I hope she liked more.” He chuckles nervously. “Do you… do you think she liked?”

“Hum… she would be crazy if she didn’t, but… can I be honest with you, Yoosung?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Be careful, okay? You could end up really hurt if your feelings are… unrequited.”

“My feelings are… unrequited, MC?”

“I… I wouldn’t know, but… be careful, okay?” he widens his eyes and looks away for a while, as he is processing what you said, then he smiles softly.

“Thank you for being honest with me.”

“You’re welcome.” You smile. Whew… he apparently got what you were trying to say. Good.

“So… see you outside, MC.” He puts his hands on the pockets of his jacket and turns around, and you sigh in relief, knowing you did the right thing in order to protect such a sweet guy’s feelings.

As you make your way to leave the hallway and go meet your band mates outside, you hear laughs echoing down the hallway, they belong to these two seniors stumbling against each other. Drunk gorillas, gross.

“Hey, if it isn’t the schoolgirl! Hi, cutie! Are you a naughty student?”

“I got to detention before, so watch out.” The reason was because you called a classmate a “muggle”, since the teacher didn’t know Harry Potter, he sent you to detention. But the gorillas don’t have to know that, they need to think you’re trouble.

“Hum… so feisty! You are a naughty girl! Don’t you know naughty girls get punished?” Ugh… now the gorilla number two got into some Christian Grey bullshit, for God’s sake.

“I do, but thanks for reminding me. See you, gentlemen.” You say trying to run out of there, but one of them grabs your hand and slam you against the wall. Ouch! You hit your head on it, but the pain isn’t as bad as facing this gross guy so close to you, his hands holding your wrists roughly, shit… everybody knows what happens in parties like this, you nerve thought you were joining the statistics of raped girls. Don’t look at him, don’t cry! Don’t… shit!

“Leave her alone.” You and the guys look at the end of the hallway. Saeran is there. Ah, great… prepare yourself for the lecture about being careful with men, that if you manage to escape from your cruel destiny…

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“It would be fun to see you try, baby boy. We’re two, we’re older, you’re just a little twig.” Both guys laugh. You watch as Saeran’s face expression doesn’t change at all. “So what are you going to do?”

“I’ll use this.” He takes a metallic pointy object out of his jacket. A knife? No… just a razor, but still… pretty dangerous. And the look on his eyes look really scary…

“Whoa, dude! There’s no need for that. We’re just… we’re just drunk, and she… she is with us, ain’t it right?”Is he… is he asking you?

“That couldn’t be, she’s with me.” Saeran fidgets the razor in his hand. “And I’ll show you assholes what happen when you mess with my friend.” He’s inches away from you and the other guy, and… he really looks like a twig next to them.

But he is an armed twig, and the drunken gorillas step away, telling they don’t want any trouble. They even apologize, to Saeran, not to you, though.

You just realize how harsh it was the grip around your wrists when you’re free, feeling them lighter somehow.

“Are you okay? Did they…?”

“No, your timing was perfect.” You say, rubbing your wrists. “I… know what you’re gonna say, but…  let me just thank you before you start blaming me for what happened and…”

“It wasn’t your fault. Don’t say stupid things.” So great at comforting and insulting at the same time… “I should have cut them just a little, though.”

“And we would end up at the police station, so… I’m glad you didn’t. Thank you, Saeran.” And that is the first time you call his name.

“It’s fine. Oh, and… MC?” and that is the first time he calls yours.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for what I said that other day.” Oh… are you sure this isn’t Saeyoung pretending to be Saeran? He would totally do something like this, wouldn’t he? No, but the twins are very different, you can tell who is who without thinking much. And who saved you right now is Saeran.

“I would be such a bitch refusing your apology after what you did for me…”

“You would.” He scoffs. See? It’s Saeran.

“Well, apology accepted.” You smile. Yes, you’re smiling at Saeran, how is that even possible? Not even you know as you pass beside him trying not to furrow your eyebrows in confusion, but then… you remember something. “Saeran?”

“Yeah?”

“Nobody would ever be that idiot to fight for me, right?” he widens his eyes a little, then low his head, chuckling, you can almost see what he’s thinking _“Well played, bitch.”_

“Well played, bitch.” Ahá! Who cares if he called you a bitch? You were right!

You finally get the chance to see that party, and… well, a bunch of gorillas doing gorilla stuff. Maybe you’re too young to appreciate this for now. Jumin and the twins were nowhere to be seen, Yoosung was talking to a cute senior, maybe she was Rika’s friend? And Jaehee and Zn were playing beer pong, no way you’re gonna be a third wheel on this. Time to go home and try not to think too much of what could have happened if Saeran wasn’t there to save your chimp monkey ass…


	10. Chapter 9

In your defense, you were really trying to pay attention. You really want to learn everything about Isaac Newton and the three laws of motion. Well, not everything, just… enough to pass the test tomorrow. You’re really trying, but the crumbled paper balls falling in your desk in the studying room aren’t letting you focus.

You didn’t unwrinkle any of them, if the sender notices you’re not having it, they’ll stop. Or that’s what you thought before the sixth or seventh little ball fell in your book. What the hell?

You look over your shoulder, there’s only one person sitting diagonally from your desk, but you can’t see who it is, because they are hiding their faces with a book. Well, trying, a few strands of hair at the top of their heads aren’t being covered. Red strands of hair.

So… Saeran or Saeyoung? Even though Saeran was becoming way less unbearable in the last few days - and it was about him, you’re pretty sure it has nothing to do with you trying to be more patient since he basically prevented a rape from happening with you – you two aren’t that close to the point of him trying to get your attention like this. Well, you’re not that close to Saeyoung either, you just forgot he doesn’t know that.

But it is Saeyoung, of course it’s him. And knowing the little you know about him, you better read one of these little balls or he won’t stop being a third wheel between you and Isaac Newton.

_“Watchu reading?”_   or… something like this, his handwriting can be a little hard to decode sometimes.

_“Isaac Newton and the laws of motion.”_  You throw one of the balls behind you , nobody notices. Because, can you imagine, some people use the studying room to study.

_“Spoiler alert: he dies in the end. Would there be more laws of motion if he hasn’t died? It’s open to interpretation.”_  You muffle a giggle and look at him, still using the book as a disguise.

_“I know it’s u behind me and u r not really reading ‘Basic Principles of Genetics’”_

_“How dare u accusing me so unfairly? :O”_  did he really draw an emoji? Oh God…

_“The book is upside down, Saeyoung.”_

You look over your shoulder to see him turning the book to the right position and adjusting himself in his seat. Rolling your eyes lightly, you muffle another laugh.

_“See? I’m learning EVERYTHING about Mendel and peas. In your face, MC!”_

_“Good, so go back to studying the peas and I’ll go back to Newton.”_

You avoid looking behind you, you know it would just encourage him on keep exchanging notes. And though it’s fun, you really need to study right now!

And he apparently gets it, as the balls stop flying. You’re relieved! And… bored. Seriously, so bored… your eyelids are almost getting heavy. Where’s Saeyoung and the paper balls attack to keep you awake?

_“Ok, tell me more about the peas.”_  You see him smirking when your paper plane lands on his desk.

_“I know shit about the peas. Can I kidnap u in 15 minutes?”_

_“Such an improvement from when u used to kidnap me without asking me first.”_ Now he is the one holding his laugh, but he’s less discreet and some other students glare at him.

_“I’ll be waiting for u next to the exit.”_  He lets the last note when passing next to your desk before leaving the room.

Well, you’ll apologize for ditching Isaac Newton. See, it’s not you, it’s him. It’s just not working and you think you should see other people. Saeyoung, in that case. He might be a handful sometimes, but he’s definitely not boring.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“I really shouldn’t, to be honest. But this book is almost making me sleep. Especially now that you told me the end.” You stick your tongue out and he laughs softly. “So, where are we going, mr. kidnapper?”

“What kind of kidnapper would I be if I told you that? It’s a secret! Come on!”

You two take the bus. And you were worried about not having much to talk to him, but Saeyoung lets almost no blanks. He always has something to say about some place you’re passing by. And that is pretty comforting, actually.

“That’s our stop.”

“Usually it’s mine, indeed.” Yes, your uncle’s record store is just a few streets ahead. You noticed between all his blabbering that the way was being very familiar.

“Mine too.”

“Really? You live nearby?”

“No, I work nearby.”

“How come I never saw you before if we take the same bus?”

“Because you usually sit right there with your headphones and a resting bitch face that make people think you don’t want them sitting beside you.” Well, you really do use your phones and the… resting bitch face in order not to be bothered, especially by boys. But Saeyoung is a boy and he never bothered you. How long have you two been taking the same bus? How long has he been observing you? “And here we are.”

He stops in front of a store. A little bigger than the record store you work, the glass window and the light tones of yellow and white in the front gives even more depth illusion, but it’s an old building, for sure. And judging from the movie posters in the window, it looks old on purpose. It’s a video rental store.

You heard about this place before, actually. You passed by in your way to the record store and couldn’t help but thinking there is another shop lost in time very close to yours. You would imagine if the people who worked here were aware that the owner looks for nostalgia rather than profit, or would they really hope having a lot of customers.

“You’re not the only one in the band dealing with obsolete medias, MC.” Ah, so Saeyoung knows, just like you. “Come in.”

“Wait, it’s closed. Won’t your boss get mad?”

“It’s fine. He gave me those keys so I can come whenever I want. He doesn’t want to lose his only employee, after all.”

“And what do you do here?”

“Look at all these movies! What do you think I do?” you look around, yes, there are a lot of movies… how many of them did he watch? “I mean, I watch them, but there is another thing, come with me.”

He guides you to the back of the store, where the poster of a semi-naked lady is doing the shush gesture in a sexy way, and the warning “Do not enter if you’re under 18 years old.

“Come in, MC.”

“Ugh, the sign…”

“It’s a sign, not a cop. Come in.” he grabs your hand and brings you inside.

You look around and most of the movies are piled in the corner. Oh, thank God, you were so sure it was going to be walls stuffed by VHSs and DVDs covers of women being filled in holes you’re not sure they should be filled… instead, there is a pair of DJ pickups, a sewing machine, two mannequins, and records. Lots of records.

“Recognize some of them?”

“You got them at my uncle’s store?”

“Most of them I bought online. I must say the hip-hop’s selection at your uncle’s store is not that vast. I even wrote a note and put it in the suggestions box you have there.”

“My uncle neverreads it, sorry. So… you’ve been there before I joined the band?”

He smiles while turning on his equipment. “I was looking for Tupak and you told me there wasn’t much hip-hop, but I could look it up.”

“Then you asked me for help, but I didn’t know where the hip-hop albums were, because… it was my first day.” He nods, putting his headphones. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“We’re not that close.” Oh, so he knows that. “And I don’t want you to think I’m a yandere stalker or something like this.”

“Well, this room is very yandere-ish. The mannequins, the pink light, I mean… I think the phantom of the opera would have something like this if he lived in the90s.” he laughs loudly.

“You know what’s funnier than your joke? Saeran said exactly the same thing.”

“He did?”

“Yes, you two have a very similar sense of humor. Too bad you don’t really like each other, you would have fun together.”

“I… I don’t really hate your brother, Saeyoung.”

“I know, and he probably doesn’t hate you either. He’s just… he doesn’t know how to express his feelings too well, I… think he meant something completely different when you told us that Rika wanted to kiss you.” And you know that by now. You could tell him you do, but… you don’t really want to remember that night…

“Gosh, when you put it like that, it makes me feel really ridiculous for even considering that.”

“It’s not ridiculous. Maybe you and Rika has that… hot rivalry tension like Crystal Connors and Nomi Malone in Showgirls, you know?”

“I can’t believe you’re saying something in my life resembles such an awful movie, Saeyoung.”

“Hey! It’s a great movie! Great quotes, great dancing moves, great, uhm… breasts.”

“Of course you liked the boobs.” Even under the pink light, you can see him blushing. “But it has a pretty cool sex in the pool scene… I guess.”

“MC, you’re 15! You can’t watch things like that, young lady!” and you know he’s teasing, since he basically dragged you to the porn section of the store.

“Tell that to my uncle. I swear he has no idea how to deal with a teenage girl.”

“Especially one like you, I suppose.”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“I mean, you’re very… well, you’re very unique, MC. You know a lot about culture from past decades, and… you’re a salty little smug, and… stupid people can’t really hold a conversation with you for too long.”

“You know you could easily be describing yourself right now too, right?” another blush under the pink light, from both of you now. “So, uhm… the pickups, huh? So vintage, do you remix?”

“I try, but it isn’t as easy as doing in the computer. Here, listen to this.” He hands you one of his headphones, and you immediately shake your head according to the rhythm.

“Public Enemy.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so cool, Saeyoung.”

“Thank you! My stuff in the laptop are better, to be honest.” He grabs his laptop in his backpack and sits on the floor, you lean your hands on your kness and bend down when he connets the headphones in the laptop. “See? I asked Yoosung to play the piano for me and I basically recreated the base in [ _No Diggity_](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D3KL9mRus19o&t=Y2U2ZmNhOTRlZDgwY2Q0NzA4N2U2M2RkNjBlNmNlMDRiNjliZTlhMixvT2N5V2JFUg%3D%3D&b=t%3A0RuPRmZWdJPZmxcWulfbRA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fmissthingmessenger.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162852994258%2Fhigh-school-band-au-ch-9&m=1) by Blackstreet.”

“And the waves here are you singing?”

“Yeah. It’s me trying to… rap, actually.”

“Oh my God! Let me hear this!” you press the play before he can protest.

_“It’s going down fade to Blackstreet. The homeys got abby collab creations, funk like acne._ _  
_ _No doubt I put it down never slouch, as long as my credit could vouch, a dog couldn’t catch me straight out. Tell me who could stop with Dre makin’ moves. Attracting honeys like a magnet. Giving them ig-asms with my mellow accent. Still moving his flavor with the homeys Blackstreet & Teddy: the original rump shakers”_

And you could laugh and make fun of him, but all you do is:

_“Shorty get down, good Lord. Baby got ‘em open all over town. Strickly biz she don’t play around, cover much grounds. Got game by the pound, gettin paid is her forte. Each and every day true player way”_

He joins you in singing:  _“I can’t get her outta my mind.I think about the girl all the time”_

And he moves to the second part of the song: _“She’s got class and style. Street knowledge, by the pound. Baby never act wild, very low key on the profile. Catching villians is a no, let me tell you how it goes. Curve’s the word, spin’s the verb. Lovers it curves so freak what you heard.”_ He’s… he’s looking straight at you, like… he’s singing to you, like he means it.

Who knew he actually knows how to sing? You remember Saeran teasing him for not playing any instrument, but the thing is he doesn’t even need it. Look at what he has here, he sews the outfits for the band, reproduces beats for famous songs in modern and traditional equipment, he… knew you almost since your first day in this town. And yes, you weren’t close, and that’s a shame.

“So, uhm… pretty lame, huh?” he asks, taking you aback.

“Well, I don’t know if it is ‘ig-asms’ material… yet.” He laughs, and you chuckle from his laugh.

It’s just in that moment you realize how close you are, you can almost fell his breathing against your nose, his… exhilarating breathing, actually. Your eyes lock with his, and you’re so glad those guys couldn’t do anything to you at that party, because, if they did… this wouldn’t be your first kiss…

And it isn’t, because Saeyoung lowers his head and looks back at the computer.

“Don’t let yourself be carried by where we are, MC.”

“I…”

“You’re sorry, I know.” Oh… not really what you were going to say. “Don’t worry. I… I won’t tell anybody about this.”

“Saeyoung, I…”

“It’s fine, MC, really. Oh, it’s late, I… should walk you home, you have a physics test tomorrow, right?” what is he doing? Why isn’t even looking at you?

Of course he’s embarrassed, you would be too if someone tried to kiss you and you didn’t really want to, but… if he says it’s fine, why doesn’t he even act like it’s fine? Again, why doesn’t he even look at you? Like you’re not worthy of it?

“I can go home by myself.”

“Are you sure? It’s getting dark and…”

“I can take the bus, I’ve done this before a lot of times, you know?” he does.

“MC, you don’t…”

“Goodbye, Saeyoung.” You gather your stuff on the floor and walk out of there.

What happened? You could swear he wanted this to happen as much as you did, it’s like… it’s almost like… he was waiting for you to make a move just so he could push you away, why?

You were so close to him, but, then again… you and him weren’t really close.And he knows that.


	11. Chapter 10

“Hi there! I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Me too.” You chuckle nervously.

“Ha! You haven’t changed at all, MC!” he laughs “And that’s good.”

Ugh… this chill going down your spine everytime V smiles. That’s exactly why you didn’t want to come to this get together at his place. Well, not because of him, specifically, it’s just… the last party you’ve been on didn’t end exactly great (it could have been so much worse, but still…), and it’s really weird showing up in a place you don’t know the owner that well. It’s V, he seems cools and all, but what is this feeling? Ah yes, the feeling you don’t belong here.

Because you don’t! Look around! These guys are Tumblr accounts coming to life, these girls must had been born with natural Instagram filters all over their faces. You? Wearing a sequin dress you found in your mom stuff and Zen’s jacket in an attempt of looking cool. Attempt.

If at least Zen was here, or maybe Jaehee and Yoosung, you would have someone to talk, but they didn’t come.

But how did you end here, anyway? Cue to flashback!

_You know those horror movie scenes where someone is looking at a mirror and leans down, for some reason, then something appears behind them in the reflection?_

_There you are brushing your teeth after the break, you leaned down to wash your mouth and when you came back… Rika was smiling at you through the reflection. You obviously yelped._

_“Jeez! Calm down, honey… it’s just me…” yeah, exactly._

_“Sorry, I was just surprised.” So she scares the sit out of you and you apologize? Ugh… you’re so weak sometimes. Especially next to her._

_“Did I make you nervous? I’m sorry.” She pouts, well, she’s apologizing too, even though it doesn’t sound too sincere… “Anyway, how have you been? With the band and all…”_

_“I’m good.” You nod, trying to find something else to say. “Goody good.” Ugh…_

_“Well, I’m glad, I thought something was going wrong because Yoosung suddenly stopped talking about you… I thought it was weird, because he couldn’t shut about you, your talent, your coolness, and you know…” you… don’t. But you know Yoosung has been a little aloof, indeed. “So I thought should come to the source directly.”_

_“Well, the source is dry, everything seems fine to me.”_

_“You’re getting along with everyone, then?” let’s see… Zen and Jaehee are acting a little weird, Yoosung gets even shyer around you than before, Saeran and Jumin are enigmas (not in the cool mysterious way, just the “stay away before they stab you” way) and there’s Saeyoung… which… made you feel pathetic for wanting to kiss him and them making a whole fuss when he refused._

_“I am.”_

_“Great! I couldn’t go to the show at my friend’s party. I was in a studio session with a famous singer… can’t say his name.” she winks playfully._

_“Okay.”_

_“It’s Nick Jonas.”_

_“Okay.” You prefer Joe, anyway._

_“Anyway, I heard the show was great! And it couldn’t be otherwise if you and the guys weren’t getting along, right?” Ugh… why does it feel she can see right through you? “And let me tell you, you must be someone who really makes everybody feel comfortable around you, it takes this ability to be a great vocalist. But I’m sure you know all that.” Shit…_

_Is there tooth paste in your chin? You forgot how ridiculous you must look right now, well, it’s probably not even close to how ridiculous you feel._

_“Oh… I almost forgot why I was looking for you, in the first place…” wasn’t it to see the ‘source’? Source… you’re just a source of endless awkwardness, that’s what you are. “Oh yeah, Jihyn is throwing a little get together at his place on Saturday. You should totally come!”_

_“Me? Why?”_

_“Why?” she chuckles “Because you’re part of something he created, we both did, and you’re doing such a great job with that, so… you deserve it.”_

_“I don’t… I…”_

_“You don’t deserve it?” you stare at her thought the mirror, her olive eyes look on fire. Ah, this feeling… this anger you get when someone acts like they’re daring you knowing you’ll chicken out…_

_“See you on Saturday, Rika.” But you know what’s worse? The fact that you’re predictable enough to let yourself be dared._

So here you are, completely dislocated at a party you know no one. Well, not no one, you know V… sort of. And Jumin, yes, he’s here too looking like the bad kind of enigma… there’s Rika too, and you’re such good friends, right?

Oh, and you know the DJ. It’s Saeyoung. And you have been avoiding him ever since that day.

Perfect.

“MC! I’m glad you made it!” and it can get more perfect! Here’s Rika, oh, and Jumin! “You look… sparkly.” Hum…

“Don’t you mean ‘glowing’?” Jumin asks, ugh… he just doesn’t get it!

“Yes, that’s what I meant. Are you having fun, honey?”

“The time of my life.” You drink whatever it’s in your cup. This must be the taste of gasoline burning down your throat. You do your best not to make a disgusted frown.

“Good. I was so worried this wouldn’t be your scene with all these older people from college and all.”

“Yes.” Jumin nods. “The scene here can be quite boring for her.” Both you and her look surprised at him. Did he just… get your back? Ah, don’t forget this is the guy who wanted to punch Zen a few weeks ago, don’t… don’t smile. “For her and for Saeyoung. Did you talk to him, MC?”

“I didn’t. There was no chance.” Another sip into the gasoline. It’s a drinking game with yourself for every time you lie. “Why is he djing here, anyway?”

“Didn’t you know? He gets hired to play at some parties. V always calls for him when he needs. It’s more to help him, if you want to know.”

“Help him?”

“Yes, Saeyoung and Saeran work in several places to provide for their mother. She is sick.” Oh…

“Oh, that’s… that’s sad.”

“Yes. That’s why Saeran misses so many classes. If he doesn’t watch out, he’ll be expelled like Zen did.”

“Zen got expelled?” you raise your tone, attracting some curious eyes.

“From his previous school, yes. His grades were terrible and keeping him could be a problem, so they expelled him.”

“That’s… awful.”

“You didn’t know any of that?” Rika asks curiously.

“I didn’t. “ you’re not lying, yet you drink again. “Excuse me, I… gotta pee.” You could have said that you’re going to the restroom, but who cares? Jumin knows how you are by now. And fuck what Rika thinks. Intentionally or not, she already made you feel embarrassed enough.

And you’re not going to pee, anyway. You just need to walk away a little. It’s painfully uncomfortable here. Uncomfortable… you never let Zen comfortable enough to open up with you about stuff like that. What about Jaehee and Yoosung? Did you make them uncomfortable as well? Rika’s words drum your head, is it really true that a great vocalist should make everybody feel comfortable?

Then, aren’t you a great vocalist?

“V told me that this drink made him wake up behind the fridge once.” You look to the voice coming behind you in the balcony you went to get some air. Saeyoung is leaning against the wall with his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Can you walk off your booth?”

“Well, there’s this new technology, I don’t know if you’re familiar with, it’s called ‘flash drive’ and…” you throw your cup on him, making him laugh. “Catching some air?”

“Yeah… I shouldn’t have come, so I’m gathering some guts to go away without V noticing me.”

“Why shouldn’t you have come?” he walks towards you and stands next to you in the balcony.

“Because this isn’t my scene.” Not because it’s boring, it’s because you’re lame. “And because of it, I just realized I’m not a good person.”

“Now why would that be?” you look at him, shocked.

“Did you know that Zen got expelled from his previous school?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well, I didn’t! And I spent that night with him at that bar once!”

“You’re mad at him for not telling you?”

“I’m mad because I never made him feel comfortable to tell me. I… I just made him get up on that stage with me, because that’s what I do. I get dared, and I don’t see anything else around me, because I’m selfish and… childish, and…”

“Dramatic.” He smiles, and you glare at him. “MC, you know Zen for less than a month, you can expect him to open up like this. Zen is an open book and all, but even him must have things he doesn’t want to share for someone new.”

“Okay, I can be a little dramatic, but don’t tell me I’m not selfish and childish, you’re the one who saw for yourself that other day…” you blush, looking away from him.

“That… had nothing to do with you…”

“Then it has to do with who, Saeyoung?”

“Forget it, MC. It’s just… you wouldn’t understand. It’s just… do you know I play drums too, MC?” what tdoes this have to do with everything?

“No, I didn’t. But so what?”

“So what that I know how to play drums, I’m as good as Saeran, matter of fact. Actually, I auditioned for the drums when joining the band, and I made it.”

“So why don’t you play the drums?”

“Because my brother plays drums too, he is so good I just had to show a video I took of him playing and V asked him to join while I could be the roadie/dj. And… I really wanted to include my brother, you know?”

“Because…”

“I want him to be happy, I feel like I owe him, so… I’m always willing to let it go when we want the same… thing.”

“That sounds mature, but it’s pretty sad, Saeyoung.”

“It is.” Both of you nod. “And I hope you understand why I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing about this, but… the problem is our mother.”

“I know a lot about problematic mothers, don’t worry. No questions asked.” He smiles. “Except for one, why did you change the subject and didn’t answer me with who it has to do?”

He widens his eyes and chuckles.

“Because you shouldn’t be asking me.”

“Who should I be asking, then?”

“You had just one question, remember?” he smiles at your confused face. “Better getting back to my booth. Take care, MC.”

“You too” you scoff when he passes beside you to go back inside.

This conversation wasn’t helpful at all. At least you’re on good terms with Saeyoung, apparently. And you’re pretty confused, but it’s better than the insecurity you were feeling before. And with who this has to do? Saeyoung.


	12. Chapter 11

Are you guys dating?

Hmmm… let’s see…

He invited you to his house: Check!

He asked you to dress nicely: Check!

Surprisingly, you did (with Saeyoung as a consultant, but still…): Check!

You’ve met his dad: Check!

Well, according to the magazines in the salon of your uncle’s girlfriend, you are dating. But those magazines are weird, and… you’re not stupid, for Christ’s sake! No, you’re not dating, because the guy who invited you to his house is someone who almost doesn’t even look at you, and you’re pretty sure he had your name written on his hand in the first band rehearsals just so he wouldn’t forget. Yeah, that’s Jumin.

After V’s party that night, he gave you a ride (his driver did, actually). You were slightly drunk and don’t remember much on what you talked about, now you know it had something to do with you agreeing on going to his house the next day and helping him choose the songs for the winter festival, and that you had to dress nicely.

He probably mentioned that there would be a gathering promoted by his father, but you didn’t remember. It’s nothing like it would make you feel less surprised, because everything is so… friggin… fancy!

You’re so grateful you had the idea of calling Saeyoung for him to help you with an outfit, otherwise it would be a swing and a mss like… like your hideous sequin dress from V‘s party. Tsk… of course he would try to push you away with you wearing that! Nah, not really, it’s just easier to think he is that superficial rather than trying to understand what he was talking about, his mother, drums and… Saeran? No, your poor taste in fashion, actually. And you’re glad you’re on good terms to the point of him helping you look decent enough to be accepted in Jumin’s dad party.

Decent, but not less dislocated. Ugh… you’re almost missing the hipsters from V’s party, at least they were trying not to look pretentious, these people here don’t even try, they are straight up shoving the fanciness all over your poor face. However, if it makes you feel any better, the guy who invited you isn’t having the time of his life either.

“I hope you don’t mind having to stay a little longer, MC. I wish you could just have come and we could have discussed the songs, but my father insisted on me attending to this circus of horrors.” Wow! “It would be rude to send you away so sudden just so I could join this, that’s why I invited you.”

“Yes, I think you told me that last night.”

“Did I?”

“I… guess.” Hum, so you were both drunk last night.

“Well, I hope this doesn’t bother you too much.”

To be honest, you wouldn’t mind him kicking you out of there right after talking about the songs. Too bad he is actually a polite guy that would make you feel bad for declining his invitation.

“It’s fine. This must be fun.” Somehow, at some point, if you squint your eyes?

“I doubt it. These Sunday parties my father throws are the worst!”

“It’s not that bad. You want to know what my dad does on Sundays? He gets drunken watching baseball and we went to the hospital more than once after he hurt himself trying to do a home run with an imaginary bat.” He looks at you as you look around the yard crowded with people laughing.

“Okay, you won this one.” He clinks his glass of gin on yours, and you smile softly. “But don’t let yourself be fooled, this is terrible.”

“Why?”

“Ohhh, little Jumin, you’re so tall now, look at how much you’ve grown!” a woman shoves you subtly to stay by his side, hugging him. “Are you 18 already?” Oh god… where is she touching him? You look away, blushing. Should you give them some privacy or…

“I’m in high school, so is she.” He points at you. Oh, why is involving you in this… whatever is happening? “And we’re talking about high school matters, so if you’ll excuse us…” he surrounds your shoulder with his arm and walk you guys out of there.

“J-Jumin, I…”

“Jumin, my man! Don’t tell me you finally got a girlfriend! Isn’t she a little short, though?” a guy who looks a little older than him approaches the two of you.

“Or maybe you’re just too tall.” Ugh… you can’t even get started on how much you hate guys talking about girls as if they aren’t there, so you talk.

“I agree. Here, MC, let’s sit there.” He keeps guiding you, but somehow it feels like you’re a shield. Well, you can understand why, these people are so indiscreet and… rude. It’s not hard to see why he would use you as an excuse to stay away from them… and now you get why he invited you in the first place.

“I don’t think I won, Jumin.”

“We can call it a tie, then. Sundays are dreadful as they are.” He smiles lazily, which makes you feel really weird. What is this? Sympathy… for Jumin? “I should apologize for dragging you to this, I suppose.”

“Yeah… you should. But it’s fine, you shouldn’t endure this by yourself.”

“Thank you. V and Rika usually join me on these parties, maybe they will show up a little later“  Please, no. “So until then, thank you for bearing with me. I would propose a toast to you if you wouldn’t think it’s inappropriate.”

“I would accept it if I haven’t left my glass there with your cougar friend.” He laughs softly, so do you.

“That’s easy to fix.” He makes a gesture to a waiter, and… wait a minute, you know this waiter. It’s hard not to recognize him, how many waiters with a long silver hair could be here? “Bring her another ginger ale, please.”

“She can speak for herself, jerk! What can I get you, MC?”Zen smiles widely as he bows before you.

“A… ginger ale. “ As Jumin said… “What are you doing here, Zen?”

“Me? Oh, just a little gig to make some money to fix my bike. My friend set up for me, remember him? The guy from the club?”

“Yes, sure. I’m glad to see you here, Zen!” you smile genuinely. Yes, it’s been a while you don’t see him outside band rehearsals.

“Likewise, MC. Too bad I can’t say the same about him!” he glares quickly at Jumin, who just rolls his eyes. Can he be really rude to the host’s son? Hum… it doesn’t look like Jumin cares. “What about you, why are you here, MC?”

“Oh, Jumin and I were talking about possible songs for the festival, and I decided to stay.” Yeah, better avoiding a fight between them and making Zen get in trouble, so it’s easier saying you invited yourself.

“Oh… I didn’t know you were becoming friends.” Jeez… he sounds so judgmental…

“Yes, I even gave her a ride last night.” Oh god… is Jumin teasing him? Ugh… you’re getting a little tired of him using you as a shield, to be honest.

“Oh, here you are, son!” Jumin’s father joins you in your table, giving a quick glance at Zen. The way he promptly moves away telling he’ll bring your ginger ale in a minute makes you feel bad for him. “Are you having fun, young lady?”

“Yes. Thank you for having me here.” You’re becoming really good at lying these days, huh?

“My pleasure. Jumin doesn’t bring many female friends here, so I have to make sure she’s being well treated. So have manners with her, son.”

“Yes, father.” He nods coldly.

“Yes, make sure to introduce her to the band.”

“Band?”

“Oh, didn’t he tell you? We invited a jazz band to play for us today. They are amazing, young lady!”

“Nice. Can’t wait to hear them!” Okay, this one is genuine, though. You really like jazz.

And when the band starts playing, you end up liking it even more! They are beyond everything you’ve ever heard! The piano guy, the sax lady, and the singer! God, the singer makes you feel you got transported to America circa 1920s, it’s really amazing! You get completely enthralled to their performance you almost forget Jumin sitting beside you in the table when the band joins you, as Mr. Han requested. You feel like fangirling, but you do your best not to, since you didn’t even know them before today.

“We are used to more intimate shows, this one feels a little bigger, to be honest.” The sax lady explains.

“Yes, but this was great, Thank you for inviting us, Mr, Han.”

“My pleasure, I always like to invite talented artists, I have to say it’s mainly because I feel like educating my son here. Boy abandoned piano lessons to learn how to play the bass, can you believe it? He could play jazz like you, but no… he prefers lisening to… Meatball, or something like this.”

“Meatloaf.” You say, earning a glance from Jumin.

“Oh, but you can play bass in jazz too. We don’t have a bass player now, but a bass line can be really interesting.”

“Yeah, and a lot of bass players actually were a big influence on defining the genre. Ray Brown was as important as Charlie Parker doing the bebop.” You state, making all the eyes in the table go to you, you immediately blush.

“Do you like jazz?” the sax girl asks you. Shit! You should have stayed quiet when you had the chance.

“My mom did. Does. She likes jazz and I learned a lot from her.” Your mom isn’t dead, no need to talk about her in the past.

“That’s amazing! We don’t see a lot of young kids interested in jazz.” The singer says and smiles at you. You hold back a squeal when Jumin looks at you.

“Yes, girls at her age prefer those pop ladies. You know those ones who say they don’t want to be objectified, but objectify themselves in their lyrics.” Mr. Han says, laughing as he takes a sip of his champagne.

“I like these pop ladies as much as I like jazz, Mr. Han. Though I’m not really familiar with these lyrics where they objectify themselves. You’re probably a bigger fan than I am, then.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, young lady. It’s just is very surprising you would like such a refined genre as jazz and something so… so… vulgar like pop music.”

“Vulgar? That’s not a nice word, Mr. Han.”

“MC, please, he…” Jumin breathes heavily next to you.

“No, it isn’t vulgar. You know why so many girls at my age like pop? Because songs are catchy, fun, and it’s one of the few genres you have mostly women.”

“Like jazz used to be in the 1950s.” the sax girl says, agreeing with you. You would be cheering if you weren’t mad now.

“Yes! Jazz ladies sing about their feelings, relationships, men that hurt them. Pop women sing about having fun, enjoying themselves and there is room for heartbreak as well, why not? Sure they don’t need to be so sexy all the time, but instead of judging them, you should think this is part of what they do to make it in these businesses, that are still ruled by men.”

“Ah, and that is the problem, you see, these women could rule the business if they want, instead, they settle with being provocative because it will sell. Women are not hungry enough, young lady.”

“Yeah, because look at Kesha and what happens when they try to speak up and break this chain, Mr. Han.” Judging from his puzzled face, he has no idea of who is Kesha, of course he doesn’t. “And, not that it actually matters, but pop singers can be very renowned in the music business. Lady Gaga recorded a whole album with Tony Bennett, Beyoncé has some major influences on Blues, Ariana Grande made a duet with Stevie Wonder!”

“Oh, that song from that animation movie, right? It’s really good, it was nominated to the Golden Globes and all.” The piano guy says. “I would like to play that song one day.”

“Well, we can play right now. Do you know the lyrics?” the lady asks the singer.

“I do, but it’s a duet, I can’t sing Ariana Grande.”

“I can.” You say. “I mean, I can’t… I can’t really reach her, but I…” then you look at Jumin, who looks insanely uncomfortable with everything. “I think this song has a great bass line in the intro.” Then he looks at you, smiling softly, almost like he isn’t allowed to smile.

Once again, here you are facing a stage you shouldn’t get up on, but your big mouth didn’t care about. But this is different, you’re sharing the stage with professionals. And this audience doesn’t seem as receptive as the one in the gay bar, they know you don’t belong here. Even the jazz band must know that, [ **this song**](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhNMMN46uFCc&t=OGI0OTViN2NkMWZmMjE5ZmMwNWFmMDM5OTUzNGU1MWUxY2JjMzE2ZSx5NG9PaHVvRw%3D%3D&b=t%3A0RuPRmZWdJPZmxcWulfbRA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fmissthingmessenger.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163394776703%2Fhigh-school-band-au-ch-11&m=1) is not even jazz technically.

But Jumin plays the bass intro, and now it’s too late to chicken out.

_“See the girl with the diamonds in her shoes? She walks around like she’s got nothin’ to lose. Yeah, she’s a go-getter, she’s everybody’s type. She’s a queen of the city but she don’t believe the hype. She’s got her own elevation, holy motivation, so I wrote some letters out in big bold type”_  Shit, the guy is as good as Stevie Wonder himself. You’re so screwed!

And there you go:  _“See the boy with the Stevie Wonder swag? Ain’t got a clue all the magic that he has. He’s a go-getter, he’s everybody’s type, I'mma make it my mission, make him feel alright. He’s a twelve on a ten point, rockin’ out to his joint. Just say the word ‘cause I could sing all night”_   You look at Jumin for a second, and he’s… smiling, smiling like he’s allowed to, he’s buying this, isn’t he?

_“I got faith in you, honey. I got faith in you, girl._ _I met you, hallelujah”_  he even shares the mic with you when you lean your head slightly on his arm, and keeps looking at you as you walk back to keep the duet with the singer.

When you finish, the audience claps, but much more from politeness than from anything else. Right now, though, you don’t really care. You did a good job, you were having fun, and so was Jumin. Whew, what a relief! You were so sure he was mad at you for arguing with his father like that…

“You have nerves, young girl.” That’s all his father tells you when you get back to the table. “Now sit there and let’s eat.”

“Oh, it was about time. I’m starving!” you couldn’t really resist. Jumin rolls his eyes, smiling at you.

***

“This was so fun! You should totally go sing with us someday, MC! We usually play at a bar next to the road, going to the beach .” the sax girl tells you.

“I would love to.” You would, but you’re never daring yourself like this again. NEVER!

“You have style, my man.” The piano guy tells Jumin, rocking him slightly as he holds his shoulder. Jumin nods, a light shade of pink taints his cheeks. You have no idea this guy could blush! “And you are very talented, girl.”

“Yes, your mom was totally right about you.” The singer says, smiling. What?

“Do you know my mom?”

“She has a very intense voice, her gestures are very flamboyant sometimes, but there is a lot of drama in her voice.” Yes, that’s definitely her, or what you used to remember. “She’s in America now, guess she is working at one of those 60s cafes where waitresses sing.”

“Oh… I… I didn’t know.” You say quietly, it’s been a while you don’t think about her or what she is doing.

“She is happy. And she will be even happier when I tell her her daughter is growing to be a ver talented artist.”

“Don’t forget to mention ‘charismatic’” Jumin says, making you blush.

“I won’t. Anyway, it was a pleasure to meet you guys, we’re going now. Thank you for helping with the equipment.” Well, you really wanted to hang with them a little more.

Jumin and you watch as they get in the van, the singer waves at you thought the rearview mirror. The singer knows your mom, you’re so happy to hear about her after so long. You’re so happy you could…

“Why are you crying, MC?” he asks, leaning down with widen eyes.

“I’m not crying! Why would I be crying? Just because he’ll tell my mom I’m singing like her? Just because I don’t see her in almost three years? Just because I… I really miss her? I miss my mommy, Jumin!” you say the last part sobbing. “So much I don’t even mind saying ‘mommy’ and letting you see me cry! I just…”

You feel his arms wrapping you to bring you closer to his chest. Oh my… is Jumin Han hugging you? Is he comforting you?

“Now I’m not seeing you cry anymore.” You both chuckle, which makes you feel comfortable to hug him back.

When exactly did you feel comfortable enough to be this close to him? Was it because you sang together? Was it because you understood why he can be so… dense sometimes? He has a complicated family as well, he knows what you’re feeling right now. Could it be that Jumin Han has sympathy for you?

And, most importantly: is this the same guy who threatened Zen? No, it can’t be. You can’t believe it! And when you look over your shoulder, incredulity looks back at you through scarlet eyes. Zen doesn’t believe in what’s happening right now either.


	13. Chapter 12

Your cheeks hurt, how long will you have to keep this smile on your face? As you grin to every visitor, you wonder if people are buying it, you definitely aren’t as you’ve been avoiding any mirror ever since you got to the professions fair at school.

Smiling, being polite, handing flyers and answering the most stupid questions like they are the most brilliant statements you’ve ever heard, that’s basically your role as a volunteer. Well, it’s better than staying under the same booth for the whole afternoon, following the professionals like their personal puppies. And it’s definitely better than dealing with all the hard work like setting up tents and carrying boxes up and down the hallways. Well, not really, you wouldn’t mind doing this… as long as Zen wasn’t doing the same.

Yes, you’re not exactly comfortable around Zen after what happened at Jumin’s party. It was a different kind of discomfort that you would feel around him when you two met officially, it was something more like… being nervous for messing things up when a celebrity is by your side, now it’s more like avoiding him in order to not be lectured by a jealous big brother.

Seriously, you’re so mad this isn’t even worth a flashback. To put it blunt, Zen yelled at you when he caught you hugging Jumin. “Don’t let him fool you! He’s a two-faced jerk!” “Have you forgotten that day when he wanted to punch me?” “What do you think you’re doing, MC?” were just a few things you could recall from his lecture. Things that made your blood boil and tell him to mind his own business.

Were you harsh to him? Yes. Could you have been harsher? Also yes. Because, really, what does Zen know about anything? It was an innocent hug from a very emotional you, there was nothing lewd about it, it wasn’t even romantic, for that matter. So, honestly, Zen should get his mind out of the gutter and never try to scold you again like he has the right to!

“Wow, easy there, MC!” he says, getting his hand all wet due to water dripping from the bottle you crush in anger. “The bottle has no fault in this.” He smiles, getting really flustered as you don’t smile back. “Hey, uhm… I gotta talk to you, MC.”

“Of course, sir. What working field would you be interested?”

“What? No, MC, this is…”

“The arts and human sciences related professions are in the left booths, the exact sciences related are in the right, there are also biological related professions if you walk ahead. Anything else I can help you with?”

“You could stop ignoring me, MC.”

“I’m not ignoring you, Zen, I’m working. Shouldn’t you be doing the same?”

“There’s nothing else for me to do until the fair ends and I need to help setting down the tents.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious you have nothing else to do rather than bother me.”

“Ah, come on,  babe. I… uush!” he backs away when you shove a bunch of fliers against his chest.

“Don’t ‘babe’ me and help me with these, then.”

“Okay, then you’ll talk to me about what happened?”

“There’s nothing else to talk, Zen. You saw a situation that you got totally out of context and jumped into your conclusions, yelling at me like I was stupid.”

“That was not my intention, MC. I was just worried because you don’t know Jumin that much, you don’t know who you’re dealing with.”

“Oh, like you’re the one to talk!”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not totally honest with me either, Zen. Giving me that ‘my skin would never be too thick for you, babe’ and not even telling me you got expelled from your previous school? That you can totally flunk this year?”

“How do you know that?”

“Well, I definitely haven’t heard from you. And look, I’m not judging you, I don’t know what’s happening in your life right now, but… you act like you’re so perfect, Zen, so virtuous, and you didn’t even tell me about this after saying you could feel vulnerable around me? And then you yell at me for no reason?”

“I get what you’re saying, MC, but it’s not that simple, believe me. I don’t want to drag you to my mess with my family, and I don’t want you to drag yourself to Jumin’s mess.”

“And what would be this Jumin’s mess you keep talking about?”

“I… I can’t tell you… I…”

“Because you don’t trust me.”

“No, it’s not because of this, MC. I trust you… I just think you’re too young to deal with some stuff and…”

“You didn’t think I was too young to get me into a bar, Zen. And you didn’t think I was too young when you flirted with me at the nursery. So tell me, I’m a child just when things get serious, but I’m not a child when you…” you look around, making sure people aren’t listening “want to get into my pants?”

He widens his eyes and blushes furiously, his reactions makes you flinch for a moment.

“You really are too young to understand, MC.”

“And you are a hypocrite!”

You grab the fliers back from his hands and walk away from there, stomping and fighting the urge to look back if he kept that shocked expression.

This is what happens when you decide to be harsher. And maybe that is the reason you should never be.

Well, it’s not like he was right in this either. He was being a hypocrite, and he had no right to tell what to do if he won’t even come clean about whatever Jumin is doing that could be so wrong. At this point, you even doubt if there is a thing Jumin could have done wrong, look at the guy. He talks like a robot, wanders around his father’s parties being treated like a gigolo and a bro by the most superficial people you’ve ever seen, and… he can be really sweet when comforting someone. That’s quite a surprise, a very good one.

You’re not even that uncomfortable being around him anymore, well, maybe a little, because you don’t want to mess things up with him, but that’s progress considering you used to get uncomfortable by being sure the guy would make you practice your singing skills until you could feel the taste of the blood from your vocal chords in your mouth.

Yes, things are different with him now. So it wouldn’t be a problem if you decide to do some small talk to him when you spot him behind one of the booths, drinking water all alone.

Oh, but he’s not alone. There is someone else you’re not seeing there, all you can see is a… locket of golden hair moving due to the breeze. Hum…

“This has to stop, Rika.”

“Jumin… I…”

“What if V finds out? We’ll be both in big trouble, you know that.”

“I know, and the last thing I want is to hurt V. So do you, right?”

You hear him sighing.

“Yes, of course.”

“So you won’t tell him anything, right?”

“I won’t, don’t worry.”

“I never do thanks to you, Jumin.” She sighs sweetly.

Okay, it’s pretty obvious your curiosity made you spy on this, and it was so wrong! What are you doing? No, what are they doing?

You walk away of there, you don’t have to keep standing there to know what’s happening now. He’s hugging her in the same way he did to you the other day.

What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you go on your merry way when you noticed he wasn’t alone? Why did you think that listening to this would be a good idea?

And, most importantly, what exactly were they talking about? What could Rika and Jumin hide from V? Oh… could it be…? No, they wouldn’t do this to V. Jumin would never do that.

No, he couldn’t. Because he can be a little weird, but never a cheater. So is Rika, how could she cheat on V? Oh god… this feels like a soap opera, and you are the confused and shocked viewer, feeling guilty for seeing something inappropriate… for your age?

Good lord, Zen was right!

Yes, Zen knows about… whatever is going on between Rika and Jumin. He probably got as shocked as you, and there wasn’t anybody to spare his feelings like he tried to do with you. Ugh… you were such a bitch to someone who was really well intentioned. You called him a hypocrite! You said he wanted to get in your panties! What is wrong with you? And what is wrong with them?

You need to apologize right now! You were really childish to him! Well, probably because you are a little child, aren’t you? Ugh…

“There you are, MC! Chop chop! We need you in the information booth!” you bump into your class representative when you’re looking for Zen. Oh yes, there is a professions fair happening aside all this drama, you almost forgot that.

So there you are standing in the information booth again. Ugh… you shouldn’t be giving any information when you’re the one looking for them! Did you hurt Zen? Well, of course you did! And for what? For defending someone you’re not even sure it’s worth of your defense. Will Zen forgive you? Not if you don’t apologize. But how can you if the event is almost over and soon he’ll get busy wrapping things up? This can’t wait and you can’t apologize through texts! Ugh… fucking stupid professions fair!

You thought it would last forever! When it was over, you strolled around every tent being dismantled, looking for Zen. Only to find a guy’s shoulder against your face as you bump into him.

And since this can get worse, despite of what you thought, you just bumped in the last person you would like to see right now. Jumin? Rika? Worse!

“V! What… what are you doing here?”

“Oh, hi! I was checking the photography booth, one of my seniors was the shower. It’s good to see you!” would he smile that beautifully if he could see your memories from the last hours?

“You too.”

“Are you okay, MC? You look a little pale.”

“M-me? Yes, sure.”

“Really? Have you eaten today?”

“Yes, I… no. But I’m about to, you know? Just as soon as I get home.”

“What if you pass out before getting there? No, no, no, come on!” he grabs your hand.

“Where… where are we going?”

“Getting something for you to eat.”

“But V, I have to… no, I…”

“Don’t worry, I can give you a ride home right after.”

“But Rika, she…”

“Oh, I texted her, she is busy wrapping things up, I don’t think I’ll meet her today, anyway.” Oh God… the way he talks about her makes your heart yearn, this poor guy…

The least you can do is grabbing some food with him, right? So that’s exactly what you do before accepting the ride on his car.

“I haven’t seen anyone else from the band. Where was everybody?”

“Oh, I… only saw Zen.” Well, that’s not technically a lie, you haven’t seen Jumin and Rika, you most heard them. Oh god… stop thinking about this before it’s too obvious!

“I wish I could see everyone. It’s been a while, you know?”

“Do you miss it? High school?” you ask, staring at him while he keeps his eyes on the road.

“A little… I like my friends from college, but… it’s different with your high school friends, right? I don’t know, but… it feels more like… having accomplices, partners in crime, and it’s… exciting, I miss this excitement. So… feel excited for me when you’re with them, okay?”

“Well, I… sometimes I get too much excited, you know?” he laughs “And that sounded dirty, didn’t it?”

“A little, yes.  But I’m glad you’re enjoying this. It makes me feel really proud of my instincts about you.”

“That also sounded dirty, V.” you both laugh. “Nah, I’m…I bet you didn’t expect I was such a mess.”

“Because you’re not” your body moves a little forward when he stops the car, it’s your building. “You are… adorable in so many ways, MC. And… you’re talented, and funny, and sweet, and so cute.”

“And you’re too generous.”

“Nah, I’m the mess here. So I hope you forgive my mess…” he leans towards you.

Your first kiss was with a college guy, and it tasted like the spicy sausage from the hot dog he bought you. Your first kiss made you forget you needed to apologize to Zen.

Or maybe not, since the whole point of it was because you, like Zen, got shocked to find something about Jumin and Rika. But you shouldn’t be shocked if you’re doing almost the same thing with her boyfriend.

Your first kiss made you realize you’re the hypocrite. But now, you couldn’t focus on anything else rather than giving your second kiss.


	14. Chapter 13

This was a mistake.

A really bad one. The kind of mistake you know it’s terrible from the moment you even take action. And yet, you can’t stop, it’s stronger than you, it’s cruel because it catches you on a moment you’re too confused and emotional, which, to a teenage riddled by hormones and immaturity, it can be almost everytime.

Talking back to the teacher was a huge mistake!

And you know that while you’re sitting in detention. But, as ironic as it sounds, staying in a place where nobody knows you and nobody can really judge it’s exactly what you need right now.

You kissed a college guy. So what? The guy has a girlfriend. Well, morally questionable, but it’s not something we don’t see everyday. So why are you feeling so bad to the point you’ve been distracted in class and avoiding the Mystic Messenger crew for dear life? Nobody knows what you’ve done, but it takes a glance at one of them for you to feel like your deepest sins are out for everybody to know.

So lowering your gaze when you notice Saeran sitting on the desk next to you feels like the most natural move.

“Oh yeah… ‘Hi, Saeran! How are you?’ if you don’t know, that’s what you do when you meet someone you know.” He whispers.

“Hi, Saeran…”

“Huh? I mean, yeah, that’s what a normal person would do, but you’re not normal, so you should say ‘shut up, you little piece of shit, it’s not like you would say hi to me either, you jerk! Blah blah blah girl stuff blah blah…”

“I guess…” you don’t need to look at him to know he’s staring at you with a mortified expression.

“Okay, are sure you shouldn’t go see the nurse? You’re obviously sick!” he reaches his hand to touch your forehead. “You’re really sick, usually you would bite me for doing this or whatever…”

“What are you saying? I would never bite you!” you slap his hand away, lowering your gaze again “Keep your fetishes to yourself…”

“Whew, there she is…” he sighs sharply, and it’s hard not to look at him and laugh at him for being so silly.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying to dodge from being the topic.

“What do you think? I did bad shit and this is punishment.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, uhm… because, uhm… anger issues and maybe… walking around with a razor?”

Oh yeah… you already knew about the razor. He used it to defend you from the senior that day. No, why using an euphemism? The guy saved you, just admit it.

But you didn’t know you weren’t the only one to know he had the habit of walking around armed. Probably some teacher found it and… wait, but that doesn’t make sense!

“Shouldn’t you get expelled or something instead of just going to detention?”

“Good to know you want me expelled, MC.” You roll your eyes, and he laughs. “No, I mean, yeah… I should if…the school’s social worker didn’t know I might have some… issues back at home, which explains my violent nature… so uhm… I can stay here as long as I do counseling along with being in detention.”

“Oh, like some kind of social rehab?”

“Yeah, something like this…” he looks away, obviously embarrassed. Well, there’s no reason to, this is something understandable…

“Well, uhm… it’s nice that you have this chance.”

“It is.” Both of you look ahead, you wonder if it is because you’re both thinking of this or just… being a little thrilled by his sudden moment of honesty and no bickering from neither parts. “What about you? Why are you here?”

“Because I’m a mess.” You growl, remembering what brought you here.

“Well, did you… did you just notice this now?” you glare at him, making him laugh. “I mean…  being a mess isn’t exactly punishable.”

“I called the math teacher a… ‘fartknocker’.” He muffles a laugh, bending over his desk.

“You don’t even know how to curse someone! You’re so… dorky.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, I will before you call me a fartknocker.” He laughs, and you try to hold back a wry smile. “I mean, it was only a matter of time for you to cuss a teacher, but you should at least have called him something that it isn’t funny!”

“I was just… look, I was mad, it was the first thing to cross my mind.”

“Why were you so angry?”

“It… it doesn’t matter.” You cross your arms, avoiding his gaze. Like if he could read beneath your eyes.

“Uhh, so dark and mysterious… I’m almost starting to like you.”

“So I’ll shut up before you do.” He chuckles breathlessly. Are you that funny or is he just mocking you? Jerk…

“Let’s get out of here.” He gets up, throwing his bag on his shoulder.

“What? No…”

“Come on! You don’t have to be in detention for such a lame thing like that. And I… don’t want to stay in detention. Let’s ditch this.”

“But…”

“He won’t wake up. Believe me, I’m here almost every day and he doesn’t even notice when people ditch this.” He notices you were looking at the teacher. Oh… so he’s sleeping? You thought he was just super into that newspaper… okay, he was clearly sleeping and you’re stupid. What the hell?

“But is it… really okay for you to ditch this, Saeran? I mean… isn’t this part of your rehab or something?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ll be recovered and ready to reintegrate the academic environment properly watching that fartknocker snore.” You roll his eyes as he smiles teasingly. “Come on, he won’t even notice we’re gone.”

“Why do you want me to go with you so bad?” he furrows his eyebrows, apparently annoyed.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. I thought you would like to be out of this hell, but if you want to stay and listen to his fascinating dreams about cars made out of pizza, knock yourself out.”

“As interesting as pizza cars sound…” you hear the teacher inhaling deeply “… yeah, let’s ditch this.”

You’ve never stayed till so late at school. It’s… a little more terrifying than you thought. Are the hallways always that long? And the stairs to the library look like the path to hell with the orange shade of the sunset hitting the walls like that.

“Are you scared?” no, the actual hell is having to hear Saeran’s teasing tone.

“Shut up.” He speeds his steps a little, making you run behind him. “Where… where are we going?”

“You? Have no idea. Me? It’s none of your business.”

“Did you really convince me to get out of there with you and now you’ll leave me here… alone… in the… dark?” you look around, trying not to hug yourself.

“Well, I was going to… but if you’re going to shit yourself and cry, I better be around to take some pics.”  Grrr, he is… Ah he is such an asshole!

“Go fuck yourself!” you turn on your heels and tries to stomp out of there, but he reaches you and holds you by the arm.

“Hey, I was just messing with you! Come on…”

“No, I don’t need this shit right now, Saeran! I really don’t!  You have no idea how terrible I feel and the last thing I need is you making me feel worse!”

“Jeez, calm your ass down, MC! I’m… I’m sorry.” You glare at him, crossing your arms. “Don’t be mad…” oh my god… what’s with the pout? He’s acting like a kid!

You sigh, trying to calm down. He’s a jerk, but you would be even worse if you decide to take on him. Would he ever do something like you did? It’s hard to tell how far can go the morality of a guy who has a razor…

“I’m not mad. I’m just… okay, I’m angry. But… not at you. Don’t worry… I’m sorry for yelling at you…” you look at him. To his hair, actually, you don’t dare to look at him in the eyes.

“Prove that you’re sorry.” What the…

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll only forgive you if you come with me.” He turns his back on you and starts walking. “Hurry or you’ll be alone here and I ain’t coming back to pick you up.”

Pffff, he’s bluffing. Isn’t he? ISN’T HE? Shit, better run!

You go after him. He is going to… the baseball pitch? Wait, no… there is this place behind the pitch, you’ve heard about it, it’s the…

“Welcome to paradise.” He says, making an exaggerated gesture for you to enter. “It looks like it will cave in at any moment, I know, but it won’t… I think.”

“What is here?”

“Hum? Oh, it used to be the gym warehouse before they built a new one. Now it’s where we hang.”

“We?”

“Yeah, you know… the weirdos.” He scratches the back of his head. “Let’s go!” he snorts in impatience, grabbing your wrist.

Okay, it’s not that bad on the inside. A lot of the weidos are the art kids, so of course there a lot of cool paints in the walls. As you walk in, there ‘s a little tent that it looks made of trash bags, where a punching bag and some instruments are places like someone just left the place.

“Those fuckers… if my sticks aren’t here, I’ll really… oh, here they are!” he twirls them on his hands.

“Is it safe to leave instruments like this here?”

“Nobody has guts to come in here ever since the rumors about the goth kids doing rituals here.”

“Were the rumors true?”

“Well, if you get possessed or something, we’ll find out.” You laugh… trying to not let him see you shivering. “Are you calm now?”

“A little more, I guess…” you look away. “But I’m still… angry.”

“Who made you get so angry?”

“Me…” you sigh, looking at nowhere.

“Ah yeah… you’re pretty annoying.” You glare at him. “I’m just kidding. Why are you mad at yourself?”

“Because… I did something stupid, something… really hurtful to a lot of people.”

“Did you cut someone with a razor?”

“No.”

“So you’re cool, don’t worry.”

“Oh… believe me, what I did can bring a lot more damage than a razor. I… am such a bad person, Saeran…” you lower your gaze. “And I’m so… pissed at myself, I’m so… grrrrr! I’m so… you know how I can be a itch most of the times? I can be salty, mean and sarcastic, but I never… ever felt this… anger, is just so… ughhh!”

“You know the counselor tells me there’s nothing wrong with getting angry, it’s like… a sign that you still care. The thing is how you… express the anger that makes the difference, or some shit like this, I don’t pay much attention.”

“Said the guy with a razor.”

“Because I’m still learning! Like that shit you said once, how was it… ‘progress, not perfection’?” yeah, at Yoosung’s basement… wait, was he there? Didn’t he make a whole scene before entering? Oh, he was really waiting to make an entrance, huh? “Anyway… you have to learn how to… channel your angry into something productive. Look around you, this place is riddled with anger, whether it’s in paintings, punching bags and…” he hits the ride cymbal “…music.”

He adjusts every component of the drum carefully. It’s fun to watch him like this, so focused and… with his mouth shut. Ugh… drummers are areally cool, aren’t they?

Good lord, you have a thing for drummers. Damn you, Ashton Irwin!

No, but it’s not just that… say whatever you want about Saeran, but the prick is talented! He knows what he’s doing. He… can be really decent when he wants, like that time he saved you, like… right now, when he is trying to comfort you and… prove to you you’re not the piece of shit you are. He is… a cool prick.

Cool enough to make you stand right beside him as your eyes watch his intently. What is this? He’s not playing anymore, why is your heart pounding so fast?

It’s already night when you and him leave the school. You shoot some quick glances at him as you pass next to the baseball pitch, he looks as nervous as you, though he always looks a little nervous about something.

“Saeran?”

“Hum?”

“I…think I made a very rude comment about you being a mama’s boy or something some time ago.”

“You asked me if my mom was going to be mad at me for being late.” Oh… he remembers every single word of it.

“Yeah… I’m sorry for that. I… Saeyoung told me you guys have some problems with her and…”

“She’s an alcoholic and we have to be home early to make sure she’s not doing anything stupid to get sent to jail. It’s a pain in the ass to keep bailing her out.” Oh…

“Oh… shit, Saeran. This is… are you okay?”

“Of course not! Don’t you think I’m terrified to end up like her?”

“Saeran… you… you won’t.”

“How can you be so sure, MC?”

“Because… you’re angry about this, so… it means you care.” He widens his eyes, his eyes look so glossy… is he crying? “I know it probably means shit to you, but… I’m really sorry for you, Saeran, nobody deserves this, your brother doesn’t deserve this, you don’t deserve this, you…”

You stop breathing for a second when you feel his arms circling you. You try to look at him, but his face is buried in your hair. Hesitatingly, you hug him back. When he finally exhales, you feel comfortable to stroke the strands in the back of his head.

“I’ll be the judge if it means shit to me or not.” His voice is muffled, but you’re sure is breaking.

“Whatever you say.” You lean your head on his.

He walks you home. Now it’s your turn to look nervous, what should you say now? The guy who always looked so aloof and ready to tell you to go to hell is actually the most vulnerable. Vulnerable enough to open up with you, like no other member of the band did, like… nobody ever did to you.

“You didn’t need to walk me home. Now you’re late.”

“It’s fine. Saeyoung is home, so it will be fine for today. The hell I would let a girl walk alone at night. I’m not that douchy, you know? I…” you stand on your tip toes to plant a kiss in his cheek, oh, now he is definitely blushing, especially because you miscalculated and kissed a little too close to the corner of his mouth. “What the hell? What… what was… what was that for?”

“I know you’re not the douche you try to be, so I just wanted to shut your mouth.”

“Bitch!”

“Hey! I could have punched you to shut you, be grateful!” he rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Good night, Saeran.”

“Good night, MC.”

You watch as he walks away. Before he turns the street corner and is completely out of your sight, you can almost swear you saw him brushing the cheek you kissed lightly.

You go to your bedroom feeling a heat glowing inside your chest, your stomach is empty, but you’re not hungry. Oh… could this be… butterflies in the stomach, as people say? You’ve never felt anything like this before!

Is this normal? You didn’t feel anything like this when you kissed V. Oh god… you kissed V! Rika’s boyfriend!

The night with Saeran was so thrilling and sweet it almost made you forget you’re a horrible person.

Almost.


	15. Chapter 14

_“So this ain’t the end, I saw you again! Today I had to turn my heart away. You smiled like the sun, kisses for everyone and tails, it never fails!”_

Then you enter: “You’re lying so low in the weeds! I bet you’re gonna ambush me!”

And you sing together:  _“You’d have me down, down, down on my knees. Now wouldn’t ya? Barracuda!”_

Saeran rolls his eyes and chuckles as you pass behind him and tap his shoulder. Your eyes suddenly meet Jaehee’s with a puzzled expression. Matter of fact, everybody has been given that look ever since the start of the rehearsal.

Fist, Saeran insisted in singing. Zen wasn’t exactly pleased to give away a solo, even if it’s just a rehearsal, but his scarlet eyes went from burdened to shocked when Saeran  said he didn’t want a solo, he wanted a duet… with you. You felt your cheeks heating up, but in the minute he picked Barracuda  ~~let’s use[ **this Glee duet**](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dr869RKHeOKM&t=OGUxODBlYWRmOGQ1MTgyN2M1Y2ViOWUzYTBlYTAyNTc3NjkwNjRmYyxBaVJuMUhxVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A0RuPRmZWdJPZmxcWulfbRA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fmissthingmessenger.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F164198752588%2Fhigh-school-band-au-ch-14&m=1) as a reference, it’s been a while I don’t use Glee lol,~~  you were relieved, it wasn’t any lovey dovey ballad from Journey or something, it was an ode to anger. Perfect for him, perfect for you to sing with him. Although your mind raced a little imagining singing something like “Faithfully” with him… nah, what are you thinking?

What have you been thinking? In the past two days, you couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation with Saeran… the guy is dealing with a lot, you would totally be a dick if it was with you… well, you can be from time to time, so now you feel like you understand him a little. His talent was the only thing you felt like never criticizing him for, now you got to meet him for real, there’s nothing at all to criticize.

And you’re as shocked as all the other band members.

Because you’re feeling… comfortable around him. Yeah, the winter festival is already next week, you’ve been rehearsing every single day after school, and Jaehe and Jumin decided  that taking the whole band into some kind of retreat at his chalet would be a good way to practice intensely and still relax and have some fun.

Due to latest events, you could not see how being stuck at a chalet with Zen and Jumin could be fun. You know… you fought with Zen because you though he was just being an ass to Jumin, but Jumin was doing something shady with Rika, and not only you never apologized to Zen, but also thought that falling into Rika’s boyfriend arms was something okay to do. Jaehee and Yoosung are still a little aloof, and Saeyoung is being… well, himself. So yeah, the mood wasn’t exactly great right now.

But it could be worse if it wasn’t for Saeran. Your usually bickering has became sillier, it’s almost like… it’s almost like…

“Watching two hyenas getting ready to the mating season.” Saeyoung whispered to Yoosung after Saeran went to grab some water and… said he was bringing some to you as well.

“I heard that.” You glare at them.

“I know you did, I wanted you to.” He beams teasingly. “My little bro is growing and getting himself a lady, I’m so proud!”

“Ugh… it’s nothing like that. And I’m no lady.”

“She really isn’t.” Saeran says, nudging you from behind with the glass of water. “She’s also right, it’s nothing like that.”

“Thank you.” You look at him.

“You’re welcome. I’m going to the bathroom” He chugs his water and bumps into your shoulder lightly as walking away.

“Yoosung, I think you should close your eyes, you’re too young to see this.”

“We’re the same age, dude! And… see what?”

“Oh… this is basically their foreplay, I don’t think any of us should be watching this.”

“Shut up, Saeyoung!” you roll your eyes as you walk away too.

“See? She’s already talking like him! Oh… my heart…”

Ugh… what is he doing? It’s almost like… he’s trying to set you up with his brother. Yes… a similar thought crossed your mind that night when he went on about playing drums and some other stuff you didn’t get. Could I be that… Saeyoung was trying to tell you that he would back away because of his brother? Because… Saeran likes you?

Uhh, what’s that? A chill. And also a sign not to think weird nonsense stuff like that.

The chill was a sign to something else. A sign for you to stay alert when you saw Jumin greeting two people in the front door.

V and Rika.

S H I T!

Your first reaction was calculate how hurt would you be if you decided to run away jumping from the balcony. You would be very hurt, so abort that.

Shit shit shit! It was the first time you saw Rika after that suspicious conversation  with Jumin you overheard. And it was the first time you’re seeing V after… that day. What the fuck are they even doing here?

“Well, it wouldn’t be a traditional retreat without cheap vodka, expensive weed and the old school members, would it?” It wouldn’t be traditional, okay, but it would be so much better. Ugh… V just smiled at you as he says this. At first his smile would make you get dizzy, now it feels like a punch in the stomach.

“Yes…  and I was so worried with our little MC here I needed to check on  her. Is your phone broken, sweetie? I tried to text you.” She pats your shoulder. No, your phone isn’t broken, you just ignored her texts for more serious reasons than just thinking she freaks you out a little.

“We worked hard today, guys, so a little fun would be really nice.” Jaehee says, walking next to the counter where V places the booze.

“Yes. I’ll put some music on.” Jumin starts messing with the fancy sound system in the living room.

“Uhh, I must have some flash drive with me. Let me get it.” Saeyoung heads to the bedroom he left his stuff

“I’ll go with you.” Yoosung reaches him.

You look around as you notice everybody is busy. Everybody except for you, V and Rika. Well… shit! Is Saeran still in the bathroom? Ugh…

No wait… Zen! You spot him in the balcony outside. Well, you aren’t exactly in great terms with him, but… better than being with them, no doubt.

“Aren’t you cold?” you ask Zen as you step outside, he turns to look at you. “I might have a very cool jacket a very cool guy gave me once.” He smiles, and you take as an invitation to join him.

“It will start snowing soon.” He states. “Do you like snow?”

“I’m not very fond of the cold weather, as you can see by my outrageous clothes.” He laughs “But uhm… it looks really beautiful, for sure.”

“Yeah, almost like a dream…” you nod, trying to contemplate the horizon as much as he’s doing.

“I’m sorry, Zen.” You say, hoping the win didn’t muffle your voice, maybe it did since he doesn’t react. “Zen, I’m sorry for yelling at you and calling you a hypocrite.”

“It’s fine, MC.”

“No, it’ not. I was unfair with you, a lot of things happened that day, and if they didn’t happen, the way I treated you was still wrong. So, it’s not fine, but I hope you can forgive me.”

“I already did. Don’t worry.”

“But, Zen… I…”

“I’m considering dropping out, MC.”

“What?”

“Out of school. I’ll drop out.”

“Drop out…? Why?”

“My grades are terrible, I will most likely have to repeat the grade, so I’ll get rid of the burden first.”

“But Zen… is this okay? I mean… what will you do?”

“I’ll find a job, I’ve been doing some gigs here and there, my friend has that nightclub. I have more options that one could think, actually.”

“What about your family? Won’t they…?”

“If they didn’t care when I left the house, they won’t care now.”

“You left… you left your house?”

“Yeah. My brother and my mom were annoying me too much with some useless fights, so I left. Don’t worry, I’m crashing at that friend of mine.”

“I’m worried about the fact you fought with them, Zen. What happened?”

“Well, let’s say it’s not easy ever since I was a kid. My mom used to say some mean stuff about my appearance and… my brother never liked the fact I was too different from him, he just started picking on me when I was 14 and got the bike. It was just… an unbearable environment for someone like me, MC. Please understand that… I endured for too long.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not judging you. I’m just… sad.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be sad, I’ll be around until the winter festival. And you can always count on me, whether it is to give you cool jackets, fake IDs, a ride in my bike or advices with guys…”

“I think I’ll take the jackets the rest I’ll pass thank you.” You both laugh.

“I mean it, count on me. You’re very important to me, MC, you’re like… my little sister.” You feel like clutching your heart. Zen can be very sweet with words, that is by far the sweetest thing he ever said. “So tell Saeran I have an eye on him, nobody messes with my sister!”

“Saeran? What are you…? Ah, not you too, Zen, come on!”

“You’re really trying to lie to your big bro that you don’t like him, MC?”

“Li-like him? What are you talking about, I don’t… I don’t like him! I’m just treating him nicer because he is treating me nicer too and… he is a very talented guy, he… has a sharp sense of humor like me, he… saved me from a rape and didn’t even consider blaming me for what happened, he… can be very honest and open about stuff… and he wears some cool t-shirts and… good lord, I like him.” Now you’re the one contemplating the horizon.

“Oh really? What was your first clue?” Zen laughs, patting your shoulder playfully.

Another chill, not by Zen’s touch, but as a warning there’s someone else in the balcony.

Saeran.

How much of that did he hear? Ahh, what if he heard all your praise towards him? What if he heard you like him? Oh no… he’ll tease you so mercilessly…

“What are you guys doing here?” He says plainly, not even looking at you. Shit, he heard everything!

“We were just talking, bro. Do you need something… from her?” Zen teases. Yeah, great job being the jerk big bro.

“What? No. We’re just… having a party there, Saeyoung says he needs more people to start the game.”

“What game?”

“Like I would know what is  that weirdo up to. Just come in, you two. It’s freezing here.” Then he looks at you. Oh… is he… worried about you?

“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming. You don’t need to say it twice.” You mutter, trying to be your usual self with Saeran. Why do you feel so pathetic now doing something it was so natural before?

You and Zen walk inside with Saeran, only to find everybody sitting on the floor in a circle. In the center of it, there’s a bottle, oh… did they drink so much to the point one of the bottles is already empty? No, that’s not a big deal, what matters here is…

“Spin the bottle combined with seven minutes in heaven. Wanna play?” Saeyoung asks. He’s definitely not drunk, again, he’s just being himself.

“I’ll pass.” Zen says, walking towards he counter to grab a beer. “There are way less girls than guys so the chances of kissing a guy are too high.”

“Wow, you know math, Zen, that’s impressive.” Jumin says, and Rika giggles. That was… unnecessarily mean. Zen apparently doesn’t mind, but still… is Jumin a mean drunk?

You don’t feel like playing after that, to be honest.

Except… you see Saeran joining the circle. You never would have taken him as someone who would play something like this.  

You would never even take yourself like someone who would play something like this. But if you come to think of it, you never thought you would like Saeran, and… even if you did, you would never admit out loud in front of someone else like you did. So… what the hell do you know about him or about you? Fuck this.

But as soon as you sit beside Yoosung, you start regretting it. Because you know math too, and there are chances you can end in that closet with Jumin or Saeyoung, or worse… Rika… or even worse… V!

However, as much as you don’t like math, math seems to like you. Because the bottle slowly stops after Saeyoung spins it.

The bottleneck points to you.

And the bottom, to Saeran.


	16. Chapter 15

Dark.

You blink a few times as your sight adjusts itself to the change of lights. Now there’s none, not even from the screen of your phone, that Saeyoung insisted you should leave there before entering the closet with Saeran.

The closet is big, of course it wouldn’t be a small tight normal coat room if it is in Jumin’s fancy chalet. And even though is so roomy, it doesn’t change the fact that Saeran is close.

Too close.

But not that close, his forearm is brushing against your shoulder. If you twirl your hand a little, you’ll touch his. Should you…?

“My brother jinxed the bottle, I’m pretty sure.”

“How could he have done that?”

“You have no idea what he’s capable of.” He sighs. “That idiot, why is he even doing this?”

Well, uhm… you weren’t sure of what to expect, but cussing out someone that wasn’t even here wasn’t exactly what you thought it was going to happen here. So… talking, right? Yeah, will do.

“I think… your brother thinks you like me.”

“Why do you think this?” oh, no scoffing?

“I don’t know, because he said something about that, but I didn’t understand. I think he was talking in metaphors.”

“He doesn’t know what a metaphor is, I doubt it.” Ah, now there’s a scoff. “But uhm… what do you think?”

“About metaphors?”

“Wow, yeah, let’s have an exciting conversation about metaphors while playing Seven Minutes in Heaven, MC.” He being his usual dick self never felt so relieving. “Or are you being dense on purpose?”

“I’m not being dense. I’m just… dodging your question, I don’t want to answer what do I think about the possibility of you liking me.”

“Because…?”

“Ahh, why are you torturing me like this? You heard my conversation with Zen, you know it would be good news for me if you like me back!”

“Like you back? Back… you like me?” you know he’s probably looking at you, even though he’s seeing nothing, is he grinning? But why does he sound so puzzled?

“You heard me. Twice now.”

“What are you saying, woman?”

“Ahhh, you really want me to believe you weren’t listening when I told Zen I like you?”

“That time in the balcony? No, I haven’t heard a thing. All I saw was him patting your back.”

“You…? Shit…”

“What was that, MC?” ah, now he’s definitely grinning. “So you like me…”

“I… I don’t think you’re that much of a dick, that’s all.”

“Wow, are you getting on your knees right now? Because that sounds like a proposal coming from you…” he laughs, and you want to run to hide your face in one of those hanged coats over there. “So, uhm… you’re playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with the person you like… lucky you.”

“I would be luckier if… I didn’t like such a jerk! Ugh… this was a terrible idea, what was I thinking? I should…” you swiftly walk towards the closet door, only to have a hand grabbing your arm. Then all you feel is the smoothness of a coat on your back, and the warmth of a body pressing against yours.

“Where do you think you’re going? We probably have some 5 minutes left, we would have more if you weren’t blabbering so much about metaphors and s…”

“Ah, just the fuck up and kiss me!”

Saeran’s lips are surprisingly soft. You thought they would be all chapped and dry, but… wait, when did you even put so much thought about Saeran’s lips? Eww! Ah wait, no… no eww, this is actually… really… nice.

It doesn’t make a difference if it is that dark, but you close your eyes. His tongue shyly slips inside your mouth. Oh… he’s so careful, so… different from the guy who threatened those seniors with a razor, so different from the guy who calls you a bitch like it is your name. Such a timid little thing… like… you were when V kissed you that night.

This is Saeran’s first kiss, isn’t it? Oh… you’re being his first kiss…

He cups your cheek, changing the angle of your head. Panting hard, his eager lips start planting pecks on your cheeks, down your jaw, then your neck. Oh… this is… this is really good… he is… oh, teeth! You… feel like pulling away, but that was actually nice, so you grab his shirt, bringing him closer.

“Mmmm…”

Was that… a moan? Did he moan?

“Saeran, did you m… ah mmm…” you inhale sharply, feeling warm fingers crawling behind your shirt and touching your skin.

Not so timid anymore, his left leg seems determined to make you spread yours. His right hand desperately brush against your bra, while the left trails a little down… is he…?

“Sae- Saeran…”

“Mmmm?” his lips are busy, kissing your neck messily.

“I… think we should… go slow…”

“Don’t worry, it’s my first time too.”

“Yeah, but… here’s the thing, it’s uhm… not my first time.”

“What?”

“It’s not my first time. I’ve done it before.”

“Oh…” he pulls away from you.

“Yeah…so uhm… it’s not that I don’t want or anything, but I… thought you should know.”

“Yeah, it’s cool. So what if you’ve fucked before?” wow… a gentleman with such a way with words… “I don’t care if you’ve fucked a guy before, it was… it was just a guy?

“What? Yeah!” what is he thinking?

“A guy… yeah, I mean, you’re 15, you can do that with… guys at your age, guys in your class… was it with someone from your class?”

“N-no…”

“Someone from my class?”

“No, he’s not… he’s not in school… I mean, he is in school, but… not high school. But that doesn’t matter, we still have some minutes, should we…?”

“You mean he’s in college? You’ve fucked with a college guy?”

“I… yeah, I did, but…”

“You’re 15! The guy is at least 18, did he… force you?”

“What? Oh my God, no! No, Saeran! I let him, I wanted…” yeah, you deliberately wanted to fuck a guy who already has a girlfriend… “We were getting all sentimental and… he was very nice and there was one of the sexy songs playing on the radio.”

“The Weeknd?”

“No.”

“’Do I wanna know?’ by Arctic Monkeys?”

“No. It was…” ahh, so embarrassing. “Robin Thicke.”

“Robin Thicke?”

“Yeah…”

“Blurred Lines?”

“Gross! No! ‘When I Get you Alone’…”

“It’s still Robin Thicke, what’s wrong with this guy? He likes Robin Thicke! He… oh…”

“What?”

“Oh, I… it’s been a while I don’t listen to Robin Thicke, last time was… V’s birthday party.” Oh…

“Saeran…”

“No, it can be, there must be another college guy listening to Robin Thicke you might know. He would never… no, you would never!”

“Saeran…”

“What the fuck, MC? Did you really?”

“I… yes…” you whisper so lowly not even you listen to yourself. But he apparently does, scooting away from you. Saeran growls, it almost sounds like… he’s pacing back and forth… like a caged animal. “I regret it, Saeran. It was wrong, I…” then it hits you. “Why are you so mad?”

“Because… the guy has a girlfriend! And you… you can be a bitch, but you would never do this, MC! You… no, you would never look so chill about it after doing something so wrong! You would feel guilty.”

“I am feeling guilty! It didn’t mean anything, Saeran! I was just… really confused and troubled with something else, V was so sweet and I…”

“So you don’t like V?”

“No!”

“And yet you’ve fucked him?”

“I…”

“We almost fucked, you would come out of here telling it didn’t mean anything and you don’t like me?”

“What? No, Saeran, this is different, I like you, I…”

“STOP LYING!” you hear a thud and feel a presence next to your ear.

“TIME OUT!  GET OUT OF HERE, YOU NASTIES!” Saeyoung chimes,

The light from the room invades the closet, revealing Saeran’s arm next to you, you look to the side and see his fist against the wall, he punched the wall. Then you remember all that talk you had about anger before, he looks… scary, like he did when threatening those guys to help you. He’s anger at you like he was at them.

“I hate you.” He mutters before walking away from the closet.

You feel like just staying there, waiting for everything to stay dark and quiet and that excitement from before to come back. But no, you have to get out and face the light, the noise, and the guilt.

But you can’t go back to that stupid game, no. You need to… oh, where’s the circle? Did the game already end? But… won’t there be other rounds? Why is everybody dispersing and doing other stuff? You look at Saeyoung, he winks at you playfully.

He really did something for you and Saeran to end up together. And you ruined everything with your big mouth. No, everything was ruined from the moment you’ve kissed… ah, forget the euphemisms, from the moment you’ve fucked with V.

You look around, no sign of Saeran. You want to run to him, apologize, oh… but what if he loses his temper again? No, he would never hurt you, no matter how wrong you are… would he? No, he wouldn’t, and you should never think like this about the guy you… like.

The guy you like hates you. And you deserve all his hate.

But it hurts. It hurts so much all you want to do is run and hide in one of the many rooms of this chalet. Yeah, running and hiding suits you, and that hurts even more.

And then there is darkness again. No, you’re not being poetic, it’s really dark in here.

“Ah, the power must be off. It must be snowing.” Jumin states stoically.

Ah yes… there were some snowflakes falling when you were with Zen at the balcony. Did it start snowing that much in only seven minutes?

Well, shit! You wanted to run and hide, but how do you do that without seeing anything?

It should be worth to try.

As soon as you motion to walk towards what you think it’s the hallway, your face meets a chest. Oh shit! Saeran…? No, the guy feels shorter…

“Who’s that? Are you alright?” ah, that voice… Yoosung.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry, Yoosung.”

“Oh, it’s… it’s you, MC. Are you okay?” why is he asking again?

“Yeah, I am…” oh, could it be because your voice is obviously breaking? Are you crying?

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah… just… I just need to get to my bedroom.”

“Oh, I’ll help you, I have my phone as a lantern, let’s go.”

And you go, because you really don’t wanna cry. You won’t as long as you have someone else next to you.

“Thank you, Yoosung.”

“Don’t mention, MC. Is everything alright? Saeran left the closet in a hurry, and you…”

“I’m a monster, Yoosung. Don’t mind me.”

“You’re a monster?”

“Yes. I’m a terrible person doing awful things after awful things.”

“Ah, I’m sure that’s not true, MC. You’re so talented and funny, and everybody likes you so much because you’re very honest.”

“Don’t say that, Yoosung.”

“I mean it. We were so hopeless after Rika left, then you showed up and now everybody is feeling so confident and excited and I… I’m so happy to have you here, MC.”

“Stop it, Yoosung.”

“I like you so much,MC…I…”

“SHUT UP, YOOSUNG! WOULD YOU STILL LIKE ME IF I TELL YOU I FUCKED YOUR COUSIN’S BOYFRIEND?”

There’s an awkward silence, and then you hear a small voice. “You what?” but it’s not Yoosung, it’s a female voice.

Because of course, if Rika joined this party, she would obviously stay in a room next to yours and Jaehee’s.

“YOU DID WHAT?” yes, it’s definitely Rika shouting right now.

“What’s going on here?” you hear a bunch of steps coming closer and Jumin's voice. Ah, great, now everybody is here.

Everybody is here to listen to the truth. And there’s nowhere to run and hide.

Not on the dark.


	17. Chapter 16

Dark.

But not completely dark. The moonlight invades the hallway, allowing you to at least sense the figures standing there.  Yoosung is still next to you. Jumin and Zen are close to the hallway entrance, Saeyoung is a few steps ahead, so is Jaehee. Rika is behind you, standing at the door of hat must be her room, and V is with her.

“Did you just say you fucked with the boyfriend of Yoosung’s cousin?”

“I… I did.” You lower your gaze, but nobody can see how bad you feel.

“So you’re saying YOU fucked my boyfriend?” Unless Yoosung has some other cousin… no, but you still fucked V, this wouldn’t make sense. Ah, what are you thinking? It’s a rhetorical question.

“Yes. I said that, and look, I…”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, JIHYUN?” she shouts again, but her voice is not coming towards you.

“Rika, calm down… we…” V says in a quiet voice.

“Calm down!? I can’t believe you could do such a thing to me, Jihyun! Are you fucking out of your mind? TELL ME IF YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND SO I KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO RIGHT NOW! Oh my God, Jihyun… Oh my God!”

Nobody is seeing you frowning, but that’s what you’re doing. Why is she yelling to him only? Why is she…?

“Rika, I can explain, I…”

“You shut up, MC! I’m talking to him right now!” she mutters. Whoa! Did she just tell you to shut up?

“Excuse me?”

“I said I’m talking to him right now! This is adult stuff, nothing a petty child like you would understand.”

“Ch-child? A petty child that fucked your boyfriend!” you hear some “uuhs” probably coming from Saeyoung. What are you doing?

“Yes, exactly, a petty sneaky child that I could expect to do something like this. But my boyfriend… no… my expectations are low with you considering how you act, MC, but not from my boyfriend.”

What the hell is this bitch saying right now? She’s no mad at you for fucking her boyfriend because… she saw it coming? She expected you to be this kind of girl? Considering how you act? WHAT THE FUCK?

“How I act? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t believe you will have the guts to keep playing innocent even now, MC. I just… no, this is not about you, this is about you, Jihyun. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, really. I was just so… frustrated and mad at you, Rika.”

“You said we were cool, Jihyun.”

“Ah, yes, because I always say we’re cool. We’re always cool, Rika, yes, we’re always cool until you start acting behind my back again! And dragging Jumin this time, I mean…”

“Jihyun, I don’t know what you heard, but…” Jumin’s voice rises from down the hallway.

“I didn’t hear, I just know, Jumin! Okay? I know about everything!”

Wait, V knows? He… knows Rika and Jumin are cheating on him? Wait, you knew about that too. And so does Zen, right?

“Jihyun, you have to understand that things are more complicated that they seem…”

“No, Jumin! Whya re you trying to explain yourself? This is about how Jihyun fucked a freshman just to get revenge on me!”

Was that really what happened? You were… used as revenge?

“I didn’t do it to take revenge on you, Rika! I would never do that to an innocent girl! Come on! Do you really think I am this kind of guy?”

You don’t think he would be this kind of guy. You… don’t want him to be this guy…

“Oh, so what is the reasonable explanation for you cheating on me with her, Jihyun?”

“There is no reasonable explanation, MC and I were on my car, talking, I was already frustrated with you and all your… bullshit! And she was… she was being sweet and funny… and… I… I kissed her, she just went along.” Thank god nobody can see you blushing right now.

“Of course she was being sweet and funny, of course, Jihyun…” Rika mutters.

“What is that suppose to mean?” you ask, realizing she’s still saying nonsense about you.

“MC, I swear to God that if you try to make this about yourself one more time…”

“But this is about me! This is about me if you keep throwing dubious comments about me like I’m not part of the situation, Rika. I… am trying to take my guilt, why are you not letting me?”

“Because I don’t believe your act. There, I said it.”

“My act?”

“Yes, your goddamn act! I read you from the moment I saw you on that shithole of record store. You play quirky and weird to get people to like you. And of course all this band full of… fucked up people would take you and welcome you, because you’re sweet and funny, yay! But me? Uh-huh, you don’t fool me, MC! I see you as the sneaky manipulative little bitch you are!”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?” now it’s your time to yell. “Manipulative? What have I done?”

“First it’s Zen there, you listen to him, say you want to get to know him. Then it’s Yoosung, you give him some guts to speak up a little more. Jaehee, you sing with her, pay attention to her and make her feel normal. Then Saeyoung, you play along with his antics. Then you make Jumin fall for your talent so he won’t see your terrible personality. And finally Saeran… but spare of the details on what you did in that closet and let’s just imagine why was he so mad that he left.”

“How do you…? You…?”

“I’ve been paying attention to you for a while because I didn’t trust you from the beginning. And it seems to me I was right to.”

You’re confused, angry, scared, and sad. And when things get this overwhelming, there’s only one thing to do.

Laugh.

You give this big baffled nervous laugh, trying to imagine if everybody is looking at you in puzzlement, while Rika is probably drooling from rage.

“You… you don’t trust me? Well, it’s good we’re on the same page, Rika, because I never trusted you either, ever since you cornered me at Yoosung’s house and… hit on me or threatened me, I… what the fuck were you trying to do, anyway?”

“I was testing the limits of this act of yours. And color me impressed, bitch, I almost believed you for a second. Yeah, I almost fell your… denseness was real, but then again, you don’t fool me, MC. No, you can seduce everyone in this room with this salty and cutie attitude, but not me.”

“Se-seduce? Are you saying I tried to seduce everyone?”

“Rika, I think this already went too far…” V almost whispers.

“Shut up, V!” you and her say at the same time.

“Are you saying I seduced everyone?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! I don’t know what you gain out of this, but from the moment you showed up, all you did was make these people falling for you.”

“Fall for me?” you feel like laughing. “Fall for me? You’re crazy, bitch! You’re saying everybody in this room have… romantic feelings for me, and that makes absolute no sense! No, I was talking to Zen a few moments ago and he said he sees me as a little sister. Right, Zen?”

“I… yes, I did. But I…”

“Zen?”

“I thought that’s what I should say after realizing you like somebody else. But…”

“But?”

“I… really want to see you happy, MC, even if it’s not with me.” Oh…

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“This is not the kind of thing I would do, MC. No, I decided to back out the minute you said you liked Yoosung at that senior’s party.”

“W-wait, what?” Yoosung is still next to you, and you see him jumping. “You like me?”

“What? No, I… I didn’t say that! I said that I was going to get close to Yoosung to give you and Jaehee some space because she likes you, Zen!”

“Liked, MC. I told you that I used to like him, but that was two years ago! No, I don’t like Zen anymore, I don’t… I’m not even sure if I like men anymore…”

“Jaehee…? You…?” you look at who you think it’s her in the shadows. “You… were trying to come out that day?”

“I… was, MC. I thought you would understand me… but I wasn’t sure, you can be so… ambiguous… I mean, I don’t know what Zen is saying, but it seems you implied you might have feelings for Yoosung…”

“But I don’t! I mean, I may have felt a minor crush, but I backed out as soon as I realized he had feelings for Rika!”

“WHAT? I DON’T… I-I… I don’t have feelings for Rika, MC.”

“You don’t!? But what about that talk on wanting to impress a girl and…?” The girl was you, you don’t really need him to answer.

“Yoosung… I…”

“Alright! This is taking a weird turn, y’all! Why don’t we all go to bed since there’s no light? Yeah, we can go on with this discussion later, maybe tomorrow or… never, preferably?” Saeyoung chimes with his usual chill tone, but you have to ask.

“Am I the drums for you, Saeyoung?”

“What?”

“Am I the drums? Did you give up on playing the drums because it would be beneficial for your brother?”

“MC…”

“Or am I asking the wrong person again? Saeyoung… when I tried to kiss you…”

“I found some Saeran’s compositions in his bedroom . I had no idea they were about you, at least not until that afternoon we spent together… but no, you are not the drums. You are… more important, actually.”

“Because Saeran… loved me, right?”

“He loves you.”

“No, he hates me now. He hates me for trying to act natural after what V and I did… he thinks… I was playing with his feelings.”

Like Rika said you were doing. It crosses you like a stake, Rika thinks you’re a sneaky manipulative bitch playing with these fucked up people’s feelings just because.

Are you?

“See, MC? I told you could not fool me, and I was going to take your mask off sooner or later, but you did it yourself. I would feel pity, but I think this is what you want, right? That’s what you wanted from Jihyun so he would become a cheater.”

A cheater.

“A cheater…” you mutter. “Who are you to talk about cheating, Rika?”

“Excuse me?”

“For your information, I just met V that night because I was looking for Zen.”

“F-for me? Why?”

“Because I wanted to apologize for not listening your warnings about Jumin, he was really doing something wrong with Rika, he was… cheating on his best friend with her girlfriend.”

“I was what?”

“He was what?” V, Rika and Zen ask at the same time.

“You all heard me! Yeah, I wanted to talk to Jumin at the professions fair and saw him behid a tent, I want to him but didn’t notice there was someone else. I just noticed when I was already too close and listened to a conversation.”

“MC…” Jumin sighs.

“Are you going to deny you were talking about wanting to stop before V would find out, Jumin? Are you going to deny you were hugging her because you are lovers?”

“I’m not going to deny there were a conversation and a hug, but I am going to deny the lovers part, since it’s not true.”

“What you mean ‘it’s not true’? You were talking about being in trouble if V found about what was happening and she said she wouldn’t be worried thanks to Jumin, because…”

“He’s a fool who didn’t learn to say ‘no’ to a junky.” V states, you’ve never heard him so serious with such a deep tone.

“Jihyun…” now Rika’s voice is small, completely different from when she was playing a detective pointing out all your crimes.

“You know, I can pretend I don’t see you lying here and there about going on studio with Taylor Swift or Joe Jonas…”

“Nick Jonas.” You correct him. Not the point, but still…

“I can put up with that bullshit to not let people know you’re going to rehab appointments.”

“You’re going to rehab!?” you ask and listen Zen’s groaning. Oh… that’s why he thought you were too young to deal with this, right?

“She goes, matter of fact. My dad had to pull out some strings  for her to go to weekly appointments instead of being locked in some institution assigned by court so she wouldn’t miss classes and repeat the grade. And I felt like an idiot when I found not only she was missing the appointments, but also doing drugs again, because Jumin was getting them.”

“Jumin…?” you look in his direction, is he… lowering his head.

“I was trying to convince her on quitting, Jihyun. But she kept coming to me, saying she needed my help.”

“Because you’ve always helped me with everything, Jumin. You were such a good manager, protecting me and shielding me even when we lost the winter festival last year…”

“That we lost sue to your cracked voice from drugs.” V mutters.

“And you never forgave me, did you? But Jumin did, that’s why I felt safer around him…”

“And Jumin would do everything for you back then, since he liked you. But now he wanted to stop because things are changing, I couldn’t pretend anymore I’m not seeing what’s happening, Rika. Yes, you’ve been attacking this poor girl, but didn’t you realize you are doing exactly the same?”

“Don’t compare us! I had a goal in mind, she doesn’t! She just does for fun!”

Do you? You really played with these people’s feelings to have fun? But how…? How did you not notice you were doing this? And why isn’t it fun at all, if that’s the case? It’s not fun, it’s… cruel.

Are you… cruel?

And as you just got enlightened, the power is back on. The lights are on in the hallway and now you can see everybody. Now you can see the effects of this painful conversation, as nobody dares to raise their gazes, nobody wants to face you, and you don’t want to face anybody, but you already faced the truth, so… is it enough?

It’s not, you realize as Saeran shows up next to the bedrooms.

“Bro! Where were you?” Saeyoung asks.

“Trying to fix this. It wasn’t snowing that much for us to end in a blackout, so I thought it could be something wrong with the fuse.”

“Ah yes, I should tell my father to send someone and fix it, the power can be a little unstable after the last time it got renovated. Thank you, Saeran.”

“It’s cool. It was nice since I could cool off my head a little.”

“Literally? Because there is snow in your hair, bro.”

“Well, yeah, it’s snowing a little, I needed to check the wiring outside too. But it should be fine by now. What is going on here?”

“An emotional orgy.” Saeyoung says.

“I’m not sure I want to know what this means.” You wish you didn’t either.

But you do. And you know what’s worst? Not the fact that you just found you hurt all these people’s feeling. What saddens you the most is seeing Saeran shivering due to being out in the cold, he preferred that rather than staying here to see this mess.

Because, as Rika, he already realized how terrible you are. And being the selfish bastard you are, that’s what saddens you the most. Because you suddenly thought you liked this guy, and hurt him as fast as you decided you like him.

But maybe it’s not personal, since you hurt everyone else, even Rika, who you don’t like… so maybe it was just for fun.

“That sure was… a lot to process.” Jumin says as passing next to you when everybody awkwardly starts getting ready to sleep.

“Yeah… Jumin, I’m sor…”

“But I trust you will figure out what to do.” He says coldly, having his back on you as he heads towards his bedroom.

“I already do.” You say firmly.

“You… you do?”

“Yeah…” he turns to look at you and raises his eyebrows, probably surprised by seeing you fighting your tears. “I’ll quit the band.”


	18. Chapter 17

One, two, three, four!

You sway your hips according to the beat of the drums.

_“I know what boys like. I know what guys want. I know what boys like, I’ve got what boys want.”_

You walk towards Zen, playing with his hair as he bows a little in your direction playing his guitar.

 _“_ _I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I see them looking.”_ You march towards Yoosung, grabbing his chin to make him look at you.

 _“I make them want me, I like to tease them. And they want to touch me, I never let them.”_ You beckon at Jaehee, winking as you get off the stage and pass next to her… only to go back up there.

 _“I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I know what boys like. Boys like, boys like me.”_  Now you go to Saeyoung, bumping your hips against his as you lean on his shoulder.

“I  _think you’re special_ _. I might let you… You’re so much different! I might let you… There’s no one like you! I might let you… Or would you like that? I might let you…_ ” you were motioning to give Jumin’s butt a quick smack, but seeing Saeran looking straight at you made you serpentine towards him.

 _“Sucker!”_ only to push his head away when he comes close.

From the audience, V and Rika watch the show. V is clapping to the beat of the song and smiling, while Rika is crossing her arms and shooting daggers with her eyes.

“So, Rika… what did you think?” you ask, feeling like you would wag your tail if you had one.

“It suits you perfectly, MC. It’s tacky, bitchy and annoying… blah blah blah manipulative sneaky bitch blah blah blah.” Her voice echoes as you feel yourself dizzy, your legs get weak and your sight gets blurred as you feel your body getting heavier and falling, quickly meeting Saeran’s eyes before hitting the floor.

“I hate you!” you read his lips before passing out.

***

“The song is annoying on purpose, new age is supposed to be ironic!” you yell, raising your head suddenly. Blinking quickly, you find yourself at the records’ store.

You wipe the drool of your mouth and rub your eyes. Oh… if your uncle catches you dozing off at work, he’ll kill you! Well, would it make him feel better if he knew you were having a nightmare? The same one you’ve been having over and over, ever since you announced you would quit the band?

You did the right thing. How could you stay after creating such a tense environment to work? A lot of bands are build on pressure and stay together for years, but… look it up, how many bands had all the members in love with the same member? If there ever had one, wouldn’t they had already parted ways by now?

Love…  what is love? Singing about it is so easy! But feeling it is so different, is so… less cool than when you write some lyrics, put on a nice melody and give lots of material for high school bands to do covers like this. Love… hurts. It hurt at least six people in Mystic Messenger.

No, love didn’t hurt them, you did. You sneaky little bitch! Love is a good feeling, you are bad!

But… why are you feeling hurt too? Why… quitting the band felt like the hardest thing you ever did? Why… do you miss them if all you wanted was to play with them?

Did you? You don’t remember having any thought similar to the idea of seducing everyone. You’re not even seductive! You’re… weird and… kinda of a smug… and bitchy for no apparent reason… why would anyone like someone like this?

You’re terrible! And they are all so nice, sweet, considerate, everyone in their own ways with their own struggles… could it be that these struggles really messed up all of them so much to the point of them falling for someone so… awful? And you, being the loner, the newbie, the outcast by nature, got so fascinated with the possibility of finally having some friends and forgetting the mess with your family, jumped the gun and unintentionally played with them?

Because you’re pretty sure you never tried to seduce everyone on purpose, all you wanted was friends, not people crushing on you all at the same time! You don’t have romantic feelings for any of them, you never wanted any of them to have for you! You don’t love any of them!

Except for… one of them. The one who hates you… that stupid, gross, weird, kinda of a smug and a dick for no apparent reason, but he has his reasons, and now you’re just one more reason for him to be like that.

“Saeran?” you ask out loud, looking at the door as you see a very familiar red hair walking in to the store. It’s… Saeran? What’s with the boombox? “Saeran, what are you doin…?”

“Shh! Just listen!” he says, putting the boombox above his head and hitting the “play”. Oh god… what is he doing?

“ _You’re just too good to be true…”_  Oh no… “ _Can’t take my eyes off of you…”_ OH HELL NO!

You get up from the chair next to the register and walk towards him, pressing the stop button.

“What the hell? Let me just play till the chorus!”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What do you think? I’m serenading you and… confessing my feelings.” You stare at him, frowning. There’s something really wrong here…

“Okay… go on…”

“After you left, I… couldn’t let things like this. Don’t mind what Rika said, I know I don’t! I… I love you… please, come back to the band, we need you, I… need you…”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yep, I’ll come back.”

“Wow, easy like that? Whoa, that’s… great! That’s really great! Yeah!”

“Only if… you answer me a question.”

“Sure, anything, MC!”

“What did I call the math teacher to be suspended?”

“W-what?”

“I got suspended last week for cussing the teacher out, what did I call him? You must remember, Saeran, since we were at the detention together…”

“Uhm… why would I…? It was something so silly, pffff.” He scoffs.

“Really? Because you thought it was hilarious, you laughed and kept calling me that even when you took me to that special place and… well, you remember what happened, right? Or do I have to remind you?” you narrow your eyes at him, as he widens his.

“WHAAAT? So the closet wasn’t the first time???” he coughs in surprise, almost dropping the boombox.

“Hi, Saeyoung.” You cross your arms and glare at him. Saeyoung chuckles, lowering his gaze before taking his glasses on the pocket of his jacket.

“Was it the boombox that gave away or…?”

“It was the fact that you twins don’t look that much alike, at least not to me.”  

“Yeah, forget that we’re identical twins, we don’t look alike. You will fight science to prove your point, right?” okay, now he almost sounded like Saeran. “Oh well, though that I could might as well give a shot.”

“A shot on what, Saeyoung? What is this?”

“Well, the winter festival is in the end of the week, we don’t have a vocalist, I mean, we do have, she’s just sad because her crush got mad at her and took another dramatic decision. So I, a genius, a visionary, a romance expert, an identical twin, took a very dramatic decision as well, dressed up as my brother, and came to confess his feelings for the girl he likes in his place.”

“And can I ask what the visionary genius would do if I believed that? I would say yes to coming back, and then what?” he opens his mouth to speak, but backs away.

“A visionary doesn’t necessarily has to have everything figured out! I was improvising!”

“You were trying to make a big mess.” You sigh. “Not bigger than the one I did, but still…”

“Ah, come on, MC! You’re still thinking about what happened? Forget that, it’s all in Rika’s mind, I know for a fact you didn’t get in the band to play a femme fatale bullshit like that. I know you… I have known you… before everybody…”

“Saeyoung…”

“Come back! We need you! Not in a romantic way, I swear! We need you to sing, slay, bring the gold home and… make us laugh and have fun like you were doing before…”

“Are you sure I wasn’t just playing with everybody’s feelings?”

“I can say you never played with mine, I knew I never had a chance with you.” He puts the boombox on his shoulder, smiling.

“Saeyoung… what if you had?”

“I hadn’t. The kiss? We were listening to a sexy song in a very… lewd place, and… you didn’t kiss me.”

“But I wanted.”

“But you didn’t. You could have stayed and pushed a little further, I would probably give in if you tried again. But you went away without hesitating, MC. If I still had any hope, it died right then.”

“So...?”

“So… if you ask me, I say it’s because we were talking about Saeran a few moments before, so… maybe there was something inside you already telling you not to do that, you were coming to the wrong brother right then.”

“I don’t think it was that, Saeyoung. I think… you’re overestimating me.”

“And I think you’re underestimating yourself. But we can agree to disagree for now. So I’m just going to ask you one more time: please, come back, MC.”

“Saeyoung, I…”

“The ideal would be if you did this for yourself, but if you can’t, do it for Saeran.”

“Saeran?”

“He’s hurt, he’s been locking himself in the bedroom all day writing and playing drums. I’m getting hurt by seeing him like this. Please, MC… I know you love him, so do it for him. And for me, if I’m not asking much…”

Son of a… when did he become so mature? Was he always like this? Well, probably, the whole weirdo façade was just to cope with all his family matters, but the truth is… Saeyoung is probably the most mature and sensitive brother, always putting his brother’s priorities first, always taking care of Saeran, protecting Saeran, giving up the girl he likes because of Saeran…

Saeran…

“Getting away from Saeran is the best thing I can do for him. And for you, Saeyoung. I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

You feel your voice breaking and lower you gaze, avoiding the tears. Then you just feel a warm body revolving yours and a pair of lips on your forehead, along with a chuckle.

“See you soon, MC!”

“Saeyoung, I’m not coming bac…” you growl in frustration as he turns his back on you and just walks away. He’s so stubborn! You’re not coming back! If at first you didn’t want to come back to process what’ happening to yourself, now you don’t want to come back because you need to get away from them so they will forget you and stop getting hurt. You don’t want to hurt anyone!

Stomping, you turn around to get back to the register. You barely manage to sit as you get up again, hearing the door being open. Did Saeyoung come back?

“I’m not coming back! I… oh…” you flinch, seeing it’s not Saeyoung, it’s… “Jumin…?”

“Aren’t you cold? It’s starting to snow heavily outside.”

“I’m fine. How… how about you, Jumin? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to clarify some things, since you walked away from my chalet in such a hurry. You see, MC, a lot has been said by everyone that night.”

“I know, I…”

“Everyone, except for me.”

“What?”

“I didn’t have a chance to speak, MC. Everybody got to share their feelings for you, but I didn’t.”

“Ju-Jumin?”

“I’m here to tell my feelings for you, MC.”

Shit! Now you’re almost missing that boombox…


	19. Chapter 18

“Disappointment.” He states stoically.

“What?”

“I’m disappointed at you.” Jumin crosses his arms and… is the door open? Because you feel colder, like all the snow is coming inside the store… or maybe is just his face expression. “That’s how I feel about you, MC.”

“Okay. Thanks for the…uhm, honesty, I…”

“I’m not done.” You furrow your eyebrows as he raises his hand to stop you from talking. “Please, listen. I’m not talking about just looking at me like that with those big eyes of yours and feign attention, I need you to listen, MC.”

“I’m listening, Jumin.” You nod, more to yourself than to him.

“What you did was irresponsible, immature, and reckless. I… was very shocked in light of the situation, that’s why I didn’t take action right in the spot, but just know if I wasn’t so… overwhelmed, MC, I wouldn’t let things go as they did. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, Jumin. I… I’m sorry for accusing you, calling you a cheater, I… I misunderstood, I…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sleeping with V, calling you a cheater…?” you both stare at each other in puzzlement. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you quitting the band all of a sudden.” What?

You blink in surprise, your mouth half ajar as you decide what to say next.

“All… all of a sudden? Jumin, you… heard all that conversation we all had in the dark, right?”

“Yes.”

“And…? You’re still not able to understand why would I quit the band?”

“No, I can’t see how all that conversation could be related with such a irresponsible decision.”

Oh Jesus… he… he is talking seriously, isn’t he?

“So, you don’t understand how my latest decisions created a tense environment, making the work as a band impossible?”

“When did this happen, MC?”

“When Rika told me I’m manipulating all of you!” you yell, immediately regretting for losing control like this.

Jumin stares at you, he doesn’t widen his eyes, it almost looks like he’s not breathing.

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Are you manipulating all of us? Do you feel like you’ve gained something out of this?”

“I…”

“Because as far as I can tell, you don’t look so happy for someone who theoretically succeeded in her manipulative plans of… dominance.”

Your eyes lock with his once more.

“To me, it looks like you got hurt by hearing such harsh words.”

“Well, wouldn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t, because I know myself enough to know what is true and what is not about me. I… though we were alike in that sense… but I think I was wrong.”

“And that’s why you’re disappointed?”

“Yes, a little. But also because I would never imagine you would give up so easily.”

“Come on, Jumin, now you’re being insensitive, you heard what Rika said.”

“I did, and to me it just felt like ranting of a paranoid mind affected by drugs, which I take full responsibility for, believe me. And it should feel to you as well, MC. You’re smart and… fierce, you’re the girl who made not only me, but Saeran to shut up and listen to you sing out loud how you are the greatest star! And… I can’t believe that girl wouldn’t get disappointed at what you’re doing right now as much as I am.”

“So… you’re just here to make me feel guilty for leaving?”

Now he widens his eyes, fumbling his hands as he adjusts his posture and clears his throat.

“No, MC. I’m here to remind you how amazingly talented you are and how you should not let something like this to defeat you! I… know I can be very cold sometimes, you saw how I have to be because of the kind of environment my father exposes me, but I would never let someone I care to torture themselves like you are doing right now.”

“I’m not torturing myself, Jumin. I… am leaving you guys so you will forget all the mess I made. This isn’t just about me, this is about… oh God…” you sigh, looking above to fight the tears.

“What?”

“I am becoming my mother, that’s all.”

“What… what do you mean?”

“I am… weird, and… I have so much anger inside me. I hurt people unintentionally, but as soon as I realize what I did, I run away. That’s what my mom did, that’s… that’s what I’m doing.”

“MC…”

“Yes, Jumin. I’m acting like her. Don’t you… don’t you wonder if you ever will start acting like your father?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“But what if you did? What’s the worst feature on your father you can think of and that you would hate to have yourself?”

“His weakness towards women…” he blinks slowly. And it doesn’t take a genius to know what he’s thinking, the guy who was getting drugs for a girl who was supposed to be in rehab. “I insist you reconsider, MC, I…”

“Thank you, Jumin.” You walk towards him, giving a squeeze in his hand. “You’re not weak. You’re just considerate to the people you care, that’s vey noble.”

“Why do I feel you’re trying to smother the situation and not coming back?”

“Because I’m not. I’m sorry, Jumin, but… my mom was selfish, but… you have to be at some point. I mean…she’s happy now, so… all I want is to be happy.”

“MC, I…”

“And I know that’s what you want, not only for me, but for everybody in the band, since you are very considerate. “

Jumin sighs as you walk him to the door. Is he still trying to convince you? No, he won’t. He saw for himself how much talking about your mother affects you, he knows very well how parents can affect someone. And as he waves an awkward goodbye, you sigh in relief. Maybe you didn’t fuck up all of them, at least Jumin is fine enough not to let him fall for someone like you. Too bad you never really became friends.

But maybe is for the best. You’re so used to being lonely, this doesn’t have to change, maybe it never did.

“ _I never loved nobody fully. Always one foot on the ground. And by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds…”_

The next day, you took the bus to school, your headphones became your old pals again.

“ _I hear in my mind,_ _all these voices. I hear in my mind, all these words. I hear in my mind, all this music. And it breaks my heart… And it breaks my heart…”_

Walking down the hallway, you kept staring at you sneakers the whole way to your locker. You could feel many figures passing behind you, but only one made you raise your gaze a little.

Saeran dyed his hair…it looks like shit.

_“Suppose I never ever met you,_ _suppose we never fell in love. Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so so-o-o-o-oft…”_

Ugh… chemistry class right now, where is that fucking book? Ah, you really need to remember organizing your books by the order of the classes you’ll have and… oh… the flyer for the audition… why did you keep it? Well, you planned to glue in the door of your locker, along with the pic you took with the band before that show you guys did at that senior’s party…

_“Suppose I never ever saw you. Suppose you never ever called. Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall…”_

You’re about to close the door of your locker, but someone does the… uhm, favor for you. For one moment, you wonder if Saeran turned around and came… no, why would he do that? It’s not Saeran! It’s…

“Ja-Jaehee!”

She says something, but you don’t listen. Oh, right! Headphones… you take them off and shake your head, signing for her to speak again.

“I said we need to talk.”

“Oh, uhm… I would like to, but I have class right now…”

“You’re pretty decent in chemistry, MC.”

“Yeah, because I attend classes. And how do you know that?”

“I keep an eye in all the band members’ grades, it’s important to balance education with practicing, you know?” ah Jaehee… so caring, so diligent… and how did you repay her? By not letting her coming out to you when she was trying…

“Well, that’s nice, but you don’t have to worry about my grades anymore, since I’m not a member…”

“Come with me, MC.” She ignores you and places a hand in your shoulder, giving you a little shove to walk forward.

“Jaehee, I… where are we going?”

“To talk, MC, as I just said.”

“If this is about the band, I… I already talked to Jumin, and…”

“Jumin is not in charge, I am.” She sighs. “And you can never send a man to do a woman’s job, can you?”

Oh… did she… did she tell Jumin to go talk to you last night? Did she tell Saeyoung too? No, that’s unlikely.

“If… if you say so…”

“Good. That’s why the three of us are going to talk this through as women.”

“Three?”

You recognize the place, it’s the abandoned musical theatre room, the place the band gets together to quick meetings and, in a one time case, where Jumin almost jumped in Zen’s throat. Gosh… it feels like ages, but it happened less than a month ago, everything happened in less than four weeks ago… and so much has happened…

It’s a place with bad memories, but it can get worse, because when you and Jaehee walk in to, you see a very familiar figure jumping from her chair.

“Jaehee, what the hell? What is she doing here?”

Funny, you could ask the same.

“Well, Rika, as I just told MC, we’re going to solve this as women. Sit, you two.”


	20. Chapter 19

Your joints hurt a little. You’re not sure if it is because of the cold day and being stuck in a room with no heat or it’s because of the tension on your muscles, as you keep your arms crossed and your head low, avoiding the gazes from the two girls in the room. It’s probably both.

“Jaehee, you’re missing classes and you’re making me miss mine. What is this about?”

“I already told you, Rika. We need to talk, things can’t stay like this…”

“With the festival in three days?” Rika interrupts.

“That too. But also because I didn’t like how things ended that night in Jumin’s house, I bet neither of you liked it as well.”

“Well, would you like if you find your boyfriend is cheating on you with a pathetic crazy freshman that wants to put all her friends against her?”

“Okay, you can’t keep talking about me as if I’m not in the room, Rika!” you raise your gaze.

You feel like punching a wall when she turns her face away from you with her eyes closed, doing a “hmmm” in disdain. Oh, for fuck’s sake, how old is she?

“Rika… I know you’re hurt, but you can’t ignore MC if we’re trying to find the common ground here…”

“There is no common ground, Jaehee.” You sigh, admitting that Rika would agree with that, at least.

“Really? Because from the way I see it, you both misunderstood a lot of situations.”

“She fucked V, Jaehee. There’s no misunderstanding in here.”

“True. But MC, let me ask you something… do you like V?”

“Me? No, I… I think he’s nice, he was probably one of the first people to be nice to me ever since I got here, but… liking, loving… I… I don’t think so.”

“Wow, so you fuck people you don’t even like, that’s really admirable, MC.”

“Yeah, and you rely on the feelings of your boyfriend’s best friend to get drugs for you.” She finally looks at you. “I don’t want to point fingers, but if we’re really going to talk about doing things with people we don’t love…”

“Then we should talk about the fact that you played with everybody’s feelings, MC. But of course, I don’t want to point fingers.” She mimics your tone, and you feel like rolling your eyes, but you won’t since Jaehee is watching this.

“Did I, Rika? You know, I thought a lot about everything you said that night, I was feeling so guilty for sleeping with V, and hurting Saeran you could accuse me of… projecting nuclear bombs and I’d apologize for that too. But I thought about it, and I don’t see how I could have played with these many people’s feelings on purpose.”

“But unintentionally?”

“I… I don’t know… Jaehee?”

“Yes, MC?”

“Do you feel like I hurt you on purpose?”

“This isn’t about me, MC…” she looks flustered. Uh oh…

“It is. You said this was a honest conversation between women, I’m asking you as a woman, did I hurt you on purpose?”

“No, MC… no, you didn’t on purpose.” But you hurt her… “MC, I… when you assumed I was gay, for a moment I thought… you could see beyond, you know? I thought… you understood me.”

“And I do, Jaehee. I… look, I… have never dated girls… I have never dated, for that matter, but… I don’t see myself in the future… being attracted only to boys…”

“There she goes…” Rika snorts.

“I mean it! Jaehee… I don’t know how you feel about me, so I can’t understand that, but I can understand what you feel for girls… I feel the same.”

“Ahh, MC…” she uncrosses her arms, sighing. “I was never hurt because of this, how can I expect you to understand something I don’t understand myself yet?” she smiles softly.

“Jaehee?”

“I was only hurt because you ignored the fact I told you that I didn’t like Zen anymore… if you had any feelings for Zen, you should have gone for it, he’s my friend, I want to see him happy, and… I want to see you happy too.”

“Jaehee… I’m so sorry, I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, I… was just trying to do what felt right. I… am always trying to make it right.” You look at her, then at Rika, but it feels like you’re talking to yourself.

“And do you always fail that miserably?” Rika asks. Ugh… for a moment, you almost forgot she was here. “Yoosung really likes you, you know that?”

“Rika, I plan to talk to Yoosung at some point, you don’t need to speak for him, especially if he’s not here. But cinse we’re at it, you know what I want to tell him? I want him to know he doesn’t need crazy girls telling him what to do and helping him show all the courage and talent he has inside, he doesn’t need me, and he definitely doesn’t need you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the manipulative one here, Rika. Yoosung so he’ll stay under your wing, Jumin so he’ll do anything you want… hell, you even manipulated me and convinced me I’m hurting everyone here, but why did I join the band in the first place? Oh yeah… because you left!”

“MC…” Jaehee says in a cautious tone.

“No! I heard a lot about my mistakes these days, and I take responsibility for all of them, but what about you, Rika? When will you take responsibility for your shit? You left them!”

“Shut up…” she mutters.

“I will after you explain why you left! It wasn’t to treat your addiction, since you were missing rehab to make Jumin get drugs for you… so why did you leave them, Rika?”

“BECAUSE I CAN’T SING ANYMORE!” she yells. You flinch, Jaehee doesn’t.

“You… what?”

“My voice… is cracking. It started last year a few days before the winter festival… I tried to quit the coke, I didn’t want to lose, but… it was already too late… we lost because of me…”

“Rika, I wasn’t the manager, but in the minute I joined, everybody agreed that you all didn’t rehearse enough… nobody was that ready…” Jaehee says calmly.

“V never agreed on that…”

“Rika… I’m… I’m so sorry… I didn’t know that… are you okay?” of course she’s not! Just imagine how much she blamed herself, how depressed she got… only to make herself want more drugs… this is… awful. “Rika…”

“Don’t try to comfort me, I don’t want your pity, MC!”

“I’m not pity, I’m trying to understand you...”

“Understand me?” she scoffs “What is there for you to understand? You have no idea how it is growing with a family who puts so much pressure on you, be the best in everything, date that rich Kim boy and you’ll guarantee your future! Why are you crying, Rika?  Your life is perfect! You’re perfect! Don’t ever cry in front of people like that or they won’t think you’re perfect anymore! Did I mention you have to be perfect? That you have to be the best? You have to, look at how lucky you are, being picked by in a shitty orphanage by a loving family, you have to give it back, earn you spot at this family! Stop… crying, Rika…” she sobs as her ways get watery.

So do yours.

“Rika… we talked about that before… just because you can’t match the image your parents wanted for you, it doesn’t mean you should go extreme like this…” Jaehee kneels before her.

“She’s not doing to punish them… she’s punishing… herself, right?” you ask, and she nods quickly. “Jaehee… you knew about that from the beginning?”

“She was the only person I felt like opening up since she wasn’t on the band, so she wouldn’t judge considering what happened in the festival.”

“And… I know a thing or two about family pressuring you on being the best… they’re not my parents… my parents would never treat me like that if they were alive…” Oh no…

“Jaehee… “ you sniff, feeling the tears rolling down. These girls… they are sad too, but none of them seem as devastated as you right now… did they get used to it?

Things are so much more complex than they look. You’re not a manipulative little bitch, neither is Rika, and Jaehee… no, she is as strong as she looks, you just didn’t know why did she need to be that strong…

A high school band that is filled with hurt teenagers. Teenagers that are dealing with a bigger pain than they should. The last time you spoke to your mother, you were 12, and she told you that you should live your youth with joy, and you tried… you’re trying. Youth was supposed to be about joy, a band is supposed to be about the music…

“I’m really sorry, Rika…”

“What are you apologizing for now, bitch?” she asks, wiping the tears with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I left the band you care so much about. I… threw away an opportunity to sing , something… you would never do… you know, you… really are a better member than I could ever be, Rika…”

You stare at each other for a few seconds, it gets a little weird, so you nod, making her chuckle.

“You are a better singer than I could ever be… even if I was clean…”

You both smile awkwardly. Jaehee sighs and gets up, rubbing her pants to take the dirt from her knees.

“See? It’s always easier to understand each other without boy drama around.” You both chuckle and then look at each other… nope, still awkward… you and Rika look away. “So, MC… ready to come back?”

“Call a meeting with everybody. I have something to say.”

“Everybody will be waiting for you here on the break.” She smiles, opening the door.

“So I’ll see you on the break.” You get out, but come back. “You too, Rika.” Then you leave.

***

There was this part of you that knew Saeran wouldn’t show up… you secretly rooted for him to make an entrance like he did at Yoosung’s basement in your initiation, but you know he wouldn’t.

Well… guess Saeyoung is the drummer now.

“I knew you would come back, MC.” Zen pats your shoulder when he passes by you, entering the room.

You take one more look behind you to see if Saeran isn’t really coming. If he’s not, everybody is here now that Zen has arrived.

“Rika? Why… why are you here?” Yoosung asks, looking at her, then at you. Probably to make sure you won’t throw at each other’s throats.

“That’s what I want to know as well. MC?”

“Yes, I… I decided to come back.” You notice how Saeyoung and Zen smile triumphantly, Yoosung and Jaehee look relieved and Jumin just nods. “Under one condition…”

Then everybody looks at you intently and curiously.

“Rika has to come back too.”

“What?” Jaehee asks. “MC… how can… what…?”

“MC, what are you saying? I already told you I…” Rika looks at everybody before sighing. Yes… there’s no point in hiding anything anymore… “I can’t sing…”

“I know you can’t, but can you move your lips and dance?”

“Yes… I… I can… but what’s the point? I can’t sing!”

“Well, I can. I’ll be your voice, Rika!”


	21. Chapter 20

“ _Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 17 th edition of the Winter Festival, sponsored by Jae-bong’s dealership. Smooth and ready to go machines wait for you!”_

Gross…

You take a deep breath and stare at your reflection in the mirror. This is it… the day is today… all the feelings, all the confusion… and the goal was only getting to this day in particular. You never signed up for the drama, you just wanted to sing… and now you will!

“Are you ready?” Jaehee asks, walking into the dressing room.

“I am!” you smile. “Are you ready, Rika?” you ask, opening the curtain for her to step out.

“Oh my God… what was Saeyoung thinking when he sew this?”

“Well, uhm… to be honest, he did ask what I thought of red latex once… but I never answered, because I thought he was joking…”

“Always answer him, he’s never joking, believe me. Ugh… Jaehee, are you sure this was the only outfit he had planned?”

“I’m sorry, Rika. He did thinking of MC, we never thought you… would be taking the lead sing today…”

“Technically, I won’t.” she tilts her head, looking at herself in the mirror and trying to find a way to make this outfit look less weird. This was clearly not made for her, but… was it made for you? For real, what was Saeyoung thinking?

“Shh, don’t talk that loud, somebody might listen to us.” You reprimand them, looking around. The other girls from the other bands look too busy to pay attention to the three of you, but still… it would be trouble if somebody listened about this.

Because using playback is against the rules. Well, it’s not exactly playback… playback implies lip syncing over a recorded version of the song. There’s no record, you will sing live! You will just… be hidden in some strategic place and sing while Rika lip syncs and dances. That is… if she can move in the weird leotard Saeyoung said it was the outfit for the performance.

So… it’s not really against the rules… since there is no rule that… forbids someone to hide in some strategic place and sing while someone else performs on stage. It’s… it’s the organizing committee’s fault for leaving such a breach that some smartass like you could easily pass through when you’re that determined to do what’s right.

Because this is right! It’s… justice! Rika never left the band because she wanted to, she had a condition that made her leave. You would never had joined if she hadn’t left, and if you’d never joined, you would never had met V, fucked him and made such a mess with these people’s feelings, an unintentional mess, you’re aware of that, but still a mess…

So… so… it’s all payback. It’s about trying to make it up for all of them, including Rika. Yes, they never signed up for the drama either, they just wanted you to sing. And now you’ll sing.

_“I’m pretty sure this is against the rules…”Yoosung muttered when you explained what you meant by ‘being Rika’s voice’._

_“It is. Rule number III, paragraph 5 on the Winter Festival Musical Contest’s Statute: it’s strictly prohibited to perform over a pre-recorded version of the song presented. All performance is valid as long as it is live.” Jaehee states, wow, did she… did she really memorize the statute of this contest? And, what’s most shocking: there is a statute for this contest?_

_“Well, uhm… yeah! As long as it is live, it’s valid, right? I can sing live while Rika just moves her lips in sync… Jumin?”_

_“Yes, MC?” he looks almost scared when you call his name_

_“I have the feeling that you had a chance of taking an exclusive look at the stage before the competition… am I correct?”_

_“I… yes, it would be a safe assumption if you consider I… may have given a little financial incentive to someone who knows someone who works at the city hall and had more details on the festival’s logistics…”_

_“So you bribed someone.” Zen rolls his eyes._

_“Something like this. How did you know, MC?”_

_“Just a guess, you seem like a control freak enough to do whatever that helps the band and your friends, even if it’s a little illegal.”_

_“I’ll try to take it as a compliment…” he nods._

_“Of course. So… Jumin, would there be some place behind that stage where I could hide with a mic and the acoustic would be good enough so it would like the person on stage is singing?”_

_“I… I suppose the acoustic behind the stereo box would be convincing and Saeyoung could keep an eye on you…”_

_“Whoa! Jumin, what are you even doing, man? Are you really… considering this?” Zen asks, then your eyes meet his. “I’m sorry, MC, but this sounds… like an awful idea.”_

_“And also dangerous, she could be electrocuted behind the stereo box…” Jaehee sighs._

_“Not necessarily, I’ll have to check the wiring to turn my pick-ups and the instruments anyway… I could double check and make sure MC is safe…”_

_“Now you too, bro?”Zen shakes his arms in a dramatic way._

_“Look, I like this as much as you do, Zenny boy. But I’m trying to be practical here, we have a really good singer and someone who used to be a really good singer, the good singer won’t sing if we don’t help the former good singer and the festival is in three days. You do the math.”_

_“And… it’s what MC wants…” Yoosung says in a calm tone, but doesn’t look at you. Ugh… you really need to talk to him once this festival thing is over… “Zen… you’re happy as long MC is happy, right?”_

_“I… I didn’t mean it like that, I…” he sighs “Sure.”Ugh… you really need to talk to Zen too… “What do I have to do to help you in this?”_

_“Uhm… excuse me…” Jaehee clears his throat. “But you’re forgetting that, as the manager, I have the final say on this, and I say this is a very stupid decision.”_

_“Jaehee!” you widen your eyes._

_“I’m sorry, MC, you know I don’t mean to offend you, but… what you’re suggesting is insane, is dangerous and is wrong. We can’t do that just because you feel bad for Rika…”_

_“But I’m not doing just for Rika, I’m doing for all of them, I’m doing for you, Jaehee…”_

_“For… for me?”_

_“Let’s face it, Jaehee. I can sing well, but I’ve messed up with you all, I didn’t mean to, but I did. Rika did some bad shit too, but… she is a better member than I could ever be, and she has no voice… but I do. I’ll use my voice to make it up for what I’ve done, that’s… that’s all I can do for you, so… please, Jaehee… let me try to make it up for you.”_

_She stares at you for a few seconds, then at the other members._

_“Rika? Is that what you want too?”_

_“I… I would be lying if I said I don’t miss the old days…” she smiles and looks at Yoosung, who smiles sweetly._

_Jaehee sighs._

_“I suppose if it is a unanimous decision between all the members, I can’t really oppose…”_

_“Thank you, Jaehee…” you sigh in relief and smile. “Thank you, you won’t regret it… so, hey Saeyoung! Guess you’ll have to sow a new garment…” you turn to Saeyoung, grabbing his arm and dragging him to where Rika is._

_And this flashback would end here. If… it was your flashback. But it’s not, it’s Zen’s._

_“We gotta talk.” Zen says to Yoosung and grabs his arm and guiding him to where Jaehee and Jumin are.”Okay, so what are we going to do? MC is… acting a little… impulsively… yes, I know what this word means, you jerk!” he glares at Jumin._

_“I haven’t said anything, but yes, she’s acting impulsively, and if even someone impulsive like you can see, we really have a problem…”_

_“MC… I tried to convince her she didn’t do anything wrong, but she keeps insisting on this and putting us in a compromising situation...” Jaehee sighs._

_“And Rika… she’s not thinking straight too… these girls are just… ahh, what are we going to do?” Yoosung asks, looking behind to make sure Saeyoung is distracting the two girls properly._

_“Do you think we can convince Saeran on snapping MC out of it? She would listen to him, right?” Zen suggests, probably knowing it’s not a great suggestion._

_“He won’t listen to us, he’s another one we need to deal with, but let’s focus on MC and Rika first… they are both well intentioned, but… I don’t think good intentions will solve anything here… we’re screwed…” Jaehee sighs._

_“We aren’t.” Jumin states bluntly._

_“How come?”_

_“Rika is a little easier to deal with, believe me. I think… if I talk to V, he will help me find a solution.”_

_“He really should, since this is also his fault…” Yoosung scoffs._

_“Yes… and… mine as well, since I’m such a control freak who does illegal things for my friends and… have a little weakness towards women…”he raises his head, as he just had an idea._

_“What are you talking about right now, dude?”_

_“That V should deal with Rika, but I’ll take responsibility for MC. But I’ll need help from all of you… especially yours, Zen.”_

***

You leave Rika alone and go to the hallway, drinking some water will calm you down and… make you avoid thinking too much how would it be if you were the one preparing to face the audience today.

“Oh hey, Yoosung! Are you ready?” you ask, trying to be as friendly as you can, but… wasn’t being friendly the problem in the first place…? Ahh, think about this later, now you have to focus on singing… and not being electrocuted.

“Almost, MC… thought I could kill some time while we wait for Zen…”

“Zen? Why? He’s not here yet?”

“No, he… uhm… had a problem with his bike, but he’ll be here soon, don’t worry.”

“His bike? Is he… is he okay?”

“Yes, sure! It was just a malfunction, he’ll make it in time. But… just in case, Jumin said I should be ready to take the vocals if it’s needed…” he chuckles nervously. Well, you don’t want anything bad to happen to Zen, but… it would be nice to sing with Yoosung again… well, watch him sing with Rika or… something like this…

“If it’s necessary, I’m sure you’ll do great, Yoosung!”

“Yeah, I… I think I will, no, I will!” he nods reassuringly, and it’s so cute you can’t help but smiling. “Can you believe? Me singing in front of an audience if it’s needed? I would never even considerate this a year ago, or… uhm… a… a month ago…” he glances at you before lowering his head.

“Yoosung… I… I am really sor…”

“Please don’t start apologizing again, MC. “

“But I have to, I… hurt you, I thought you had a crush on your cousin, I pushed you away because of this, I-I…”

“And you boosted my confidence, you made me realize I’m as talented as Zen, you even encouraged me on showing my best side to the girl I liked, even if she didn’t realize it…” he chuckles, surprisingly not in a nervous way. “So, please… don’t apologize for making me find a better version of myself.” He smiles and pats your shoulder, and being comforted by this version of Yoosung is really encouraging. “And… if you don’t mind me saying… if you want to apologize, you should… talk to Saeran…”

“I… he won’t listen to me, Yoosung, he…”

You get interrupted by Zen and Jumin showing up in the hallway. Yoosung smiles and greets them.

“Zen, are you alright? I heard your bike got broken…”

“Ah yeah, there was a little problem ,but it’s fine. Thanks for worrying, babe.”

“Yeah, it would take even longer if I sent a car… I knew your bike will be a fastest option, though not that safe…” Jumin ponders.

“And there’s also the fact that I’m a really good driver with my bike, you jerk! You should see how I nailed the traffic next to the airport!”

“Airport? What were you doing at the airport, Zen?”

“I, uhm…”

“He went to pick someone up, MC. Someone that really should be here today, and… probably the only person who can put a little sense in your head…”

“Sense in my…? What are you talking about, Jum…” you freeze when you notice a third person showing behind the two guys.

Not just any person, a woman. Not just any woman…

“M-mom?”


	22. Chapter 21

“So... how have you been?”

“Is that seriously your first question? After 3 years, a few weird phone calls and showing up like this now and you ask me how I’m doing? How do you think I’m doing, mom?”

“Angry.”

“Exactly!” you look at her. It’s the first time you’re actually seeing her. When she showed up in the hallway with Jumin and Zen, how to explain? She was like… a ghost. For a moment, you didn’t see your mom, you saw… the pic of hers you keep in the drawer of your nightstand… to put it simply, you weren’t seeing a person. Now that you are alone, it feels like you are. “I’m pissed at you!”

“I guess I don’t even have the right to tell you to watch your mouth when you talk to your mom, have I?” you glare at her and look away, only hearing her sigh “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m apologizing. I left you, I would call and pretend everything was fine, it’s just… you’re so strong, I thought you would handle everything greatly, but you didn’t, you… aren’t dealing with everything greatly.”

“Of course I am! Don’t talk like you know something, don’t…”

“I know you. You’re not angry, you’re hurt.”

“I’m no- I’m not hurt! You did what you have to do, I would… I would have done the same…”

“You would never leave your child behind in such a phase like this. You wouldn’t, MC… because you’re kind and you care… you’re like your father.”

“He’s hurt.”

“No, he’s angry. You don’t know him like I do, he’s angry and frustrated, and neglecting you because of our resemblance, but he hates this, he hates hurting you, that’s why he’s angry.”

“I already said I’m not hurt…”

“And you’re a terrible liar, I’m glad you didn’t change so much, honey… You are in pain, you think the divorce is your fault, and because of that, you think you should be alone before you wreck more relationships. That’s why you didn’t have many friends, and that’s why you’re trying to run away from these ones you have now.”

“What did they tell you?”

“The brunette one said you’re out of control and thinking of committing a crime…” Ugh, now Jumin gets to be dramatic? “And the hot one said you needed some female wisdom…”

“Zen is still a minor, mom…” she laughs softly “Those two… they are always bickering, but when it comes to me, they seem to agree…”

“It’s because they care about you, honey. They are your friends. Don’t you see how much your friends care for you? And here you are, about to do something very stupid that could ruin not only this friendship, but your dignity, your future, and theirs too?”

“I’m… I don’t know exactly what they told you, but… did they explain why I’m helping that other girl?”

“They did, and… I’m sorry to tell you, but if you go on with what you want to do, you won’t help her, honey. MC, this girl needs professional help, she can’t be put on a stage and lip sync, something that it’s against the rules, because she’s sad and afraid about things that happened in her past, way before you showed up.” She chuckles, what the hell is so funny now? “I wonder from who you got that…”

“I got what?”

“This need to embrace the world, take everything as your responsibility… it didn’t come from me or your father, I’m sure… maybe it’s something just yours… anyway, what I’m trying to say is, if you go on with that, you’ll do more harm than good, not only to you, but also to the girl you want to help so much…”

“So you’re saying I should…”

“I’m not telling you what to do, MC. I… lost this right as your mom when I left you, so this is advice from… someone that loves you and admires you a lot… like all those kids over there.”

“And this isn’t you living some kind of dream through your daughter by seeing me behind the spotlights you love so much?”

“Well, I’m still your mom, not the most doting one, but… of course I want to see you accomplish things and do what makes you happy.” You look at her again, not a pic in nightstand, not a ghost, not a person… your mom.

“I missed you…” you say so softly it’s hard to hear yourself… did she…? Your mom wraps an arm around your shoulder and brings you to her chest. She heard.

***

“Ouch!” you twitch feeling the little sting in the small of your back.

“My bad! I sew this kinda in a rush, so no wonder it doesn’t fit right.”

“I don’t remember seeing this dress at the rental video store…”

“Yeah, this one is new, I… might have spent last night sowing this.”

“For Rika?”

“No, for you.” You look at him by the reflection in the mirror. “What? I should be prepared for both scenarios where you would go on stage and you wouldn’t…”

“I don’t believe you… because you gave her that hideous leotard, and to me, you made something so… wonderful…”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful, Saeyoung… you are so talented…”

“Nah, I just happen to feel very inspired when I design for you. Turn around, let me see the front.” You turn to face him, only to find a camera flash in your face, he fist pumps as typing something on his phone. “Perfect!”

“What are you doing?”

“Huh? Ah, nothing, just sending this to Saeran.” WHAT?

“S-Sa-Sae-Saeran? Why… why?”

“So he’ll drag his ass here, obviously. Hey, let’s take one together, so he’ll come faster!” he pulls you for a selfie. You declined to see how it looks, you don’t have to see to know your face must look awful all that red… “You look beautiful, MC.”

“I agree.” Rika says, entering the dressing room, Jaehee is with her, and your face is on the floor from all the shame you’re feeling. “Come on, let’s see your make-up, MC.”

“Rika… I…”

“You’re on stage in 10 minutes, you can’t go there without at least some mascara.” She grabs your chin and makes you look at her. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I’m sorry, Rika… for not following what we planned, I…”

“This is not the time for that. Did you make your vocal warming?”

“I… I did, but Rika, I…”

“Look, we can talk about whatever you want after you perform, now you need to focus. If you lose, it won’t be because of your mind being somewhere else.”

“She’s right, MC. Are you ready?” Jaehee asks you.

“I am…”

“Good. So, let’s go. Saeyoung, go change.”

“Yes, sir! Jaehee, sir!” he salutes and runs out of there, making Jaehee roll her eyes.

“Rika…? Will you be alright?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. If you need me, I’ll be sitting next to your mom.” She smiles and waves at you. W-wait! Your mom?

“My… my mom? Is she still here?”

“Yes, you thought she wasn’t going to watch you?”

“I thought… I wouldn’t see my mom here today, in the first place, I… my father said he would come, Jaehee…”

“Great! Then you’ll have both your parents to see how amazing you are, MC!” she squeezes your shoulder and smiles, making you feel bad if you decide to say what’s really in your mind right now.

Jaehee walks you through the hallway, guiding you to the backstage. She helps you with your in-ear, she could help you with your potential mental breakdown, but… she’s probably on the edge of one too after all this… so you sigh, trying to swallow your worries.

“Wow…I always knew you were a princess, MC, but now that you look like one… I might start calling you a queen.” 

“Please don’t, Zen…” he laughs softly, playing with the strap of his guitar.

“Nervous?”

“My parents are here, Zen. What if they see each other? What if they start fighting? What if…?”

“Then you won’t worry about this adult stuff, this is something for them to solve, not you. Right now, just focus on having fun by doing something you’re great at, alright? Can you do this for me?” Zen asks as if he’s talking to a kid… he really sees you like a little girl, doesn’t he? How can you not see him as your big bro, then? And how can you not hug your big bro when he acts so nice?

“Oh, uhm… MC? I-I…”

“I have no idea what I’m going to do if you actually drop out of school… what am I going to do without you?” is he breathing? Doesn’t seem like he’s breathing…

“You’ll have Saeran.” He pats your back and pulls you away, smiling sweetly. “Now, where did I put my pick?”

It’s with Jumin, he was watching this pitiful scene from behind the stereo box.

“What the hell, dude?”

“It was really admirable what you did…”

“Well, yeah… I’m doing the right thing, there’s nothing to praise here.”

“So how does it feel? Doing the right thing?”

“It sucks.” He sighs. “Saeran can’t be that stupid… what if he doesn’t show up?”

“Saeyoung can cover, he let the pre-recorded basis from the song already and…”

“No, you idiot! I mean… if he doesn’t come… for her…”

“Then you better be fast on running to comfort her before I do. But let’s think about that later, shall we?”

“Yeah, yeah… we shall.”

“Good. Oh, if you want advice, change this shirt, you will lose her perfume once you start dancing.”

“You’re really creepy, dude…” he looks around quickly. “Here, cover for me.” Zen gives the guitar to Jumin, grabbing the hem of his shirt as he runs towards the male dressing room.

***

Dark.

It’s dark on the stage, all the lights come from the festival and the audience’s phones. You take a deep breath. This song is not appropriate for a pop rock band like yours, is too sophisticated for the instruments, and you barely rehearsed this one… why did you think it would be a good choice? Just because it’s something you feel like saying for real? Because it means a lot to you that people pay attention to what you want to say? Because… it’s your message to everybody? To the band members, to your dad, your… mom?

The pre-recorded synths start. It’s now or never…

“ _I’ve been hearing symphonies, before all I heard was silence, a rhapsody for you and me  
and every melody is timeless…”_

Why is this part basically almost acapella? This is so hard… oh, there’s your mom! Rika is a few steps ahead of her… you got this, calm down, you got this!

“ _Life was stringing me along, then you came and you cut me loose… Was solo singing on my own, now I can’t find a key without you.”_

The beat comes in, along with Yoosung’s keyboards.

“ _And now your song is on repeat, and I’m dancing on to your heartbeat. And when you’re gone  
I feel incomplete, so if you want the truth…”_

All the instruments come in, and you feel like your heart could overload. You didn’t rehearse this one that much, but it’s still pretty nice, and Saeyoung’s remix is just… you look to your side and… Saeyoung is on the pick-ups. But you’re hearing the drums, did he leave a pre-record of the drums too? No, but… Saeran just made a dramatic entrance again, huh?

“ _I just wanna be part of your Symphony. Will you hold me tight and not let go? Symphony... Like a love song on the radio... will you hold me tight and not let go?”_

You look over your shoulder real quick. And it’s so hard not hold a smile, but you can feel Jaehee’s eyes peering through you if you lose focus. So you look at your mom again, and now it’s impossible not to smile… she looks proud, and so does your father standing beside her.

 

This is it. You did it. You sounded great, you look great. That’s it, right? This is how it ends…no, wait, there’s something more…

“I told you from the beginning that you would be a fan of my drums, didn’t I? Don’t think I didn’t notice how giggly you got when you saw me.”

“Your hair looks like shit…”

You grab him by his shirt and press your lip against his. He tenses up, but soon relaxes and wraps his arms around you. You tangle your fingers in his weird dyed hair. And it feels like an orchestra is playing inside your heart.


	23. Chapter 22

Was it supposed to be this awkward?

Of course not. Saeran can’t be the most versed when it comes to social interactions, but… a celebration is a celebration, no matter what. Yeah, a party is filled with people laughing loudly, dancing in a pathetic way and… being silly and happy. Especially when it’s a party to celebrate the victory in the winter festival. A party at Yoosung’s basement, as a simbology on where everything has started…

But it doesn’t feel like a party. And though he hates to admit it, it’s easy to tell why: she isn’t here.

She’s not here. She’s not taking his calls or texts, or anybody else’s. And now it doesn’t feel like a party because the reason of the celebration didn’t show up. Because she’s a drama queen, she’s too sensitive and can’t handle his mature and brutal honesty, and though Saeran saw right through her from the moment she showed up, he let himself get involved, he promised his honesty to her, he saved her, opened up to her, made out with her, fought with her and almost let her… hell, he even wrote songs about her… 

He fell for her. And this isn’t a party without her.

“She’s not coming, huh?” Zen asks, clearly annoyed.

“It seems so…” Jaehee sighs.

“Hey, Jumin, can’t you send your driver to her house and pick her up?” Yoosung suggests.

“If she wanted to be here, she would be here.” He answers plainly, crossing his arms. “I think she didn’t even see the trophy properly.”

“She didn’t. She ran away a little after the announcement.” Zen says.

Yes, she ran away. She escaped the agitation of the crowd with him. If Saeran really focus, he can feel the sensations of her hand holding his tightly as he guided themselves through the crowd. She looked so beautiful, she was so beautiful… well, she still is, it’s not like she’s dead or anything.

Though maybe he is dead for her. Whatever, she’s so dramatic, anyway…

“This party sucks!” Zen finally says what everybody is thinking.

“Zen…”

“Come on, Jaehee! Somebody has to talk! We just won because of her voice, her charisma, her charm. This isn’t to celebrate our victory, it’s to celebrate her presence, and she isn’t here, so this is a waste of booze and food!”

“I’m forced to agree with him.” Jumin sighs. “So… what happened right after she left?”

Silence.

Saeran looks at Saeyoung… he’s been strangely and disturbingly quiet ever since he got here…

“You guys should ask Saeran.” Then he speaks and… WHAT THE HELL, SAEYOUNG? When he finally opens his mouth, it is to snitch his brother out?

“Saeran…?” Yoosung asks, looking directly at him. “Oh right… you and MC left together…”

“Oh god… no…” Jaehee says in a concerned tone.

“There’s nothing for you to get worried. We just left together…” now it’s his time to speak, though his statement doesn’t add much to the conversation.

“And you left to where?”

“To… paradise.”

“Romantic, dude…” Zen nods in approval.

“I think it’s an euphemism for…” Jumin sounds like he’s analyzing something.

“It’s just the abandoned warehouse behind the baseball pitch in school. Don’t get weird, you guys.” Saeyoung intervenes grumpily. 

“Oh… and then what?” Yoosung asks curiously.

“Uhm…” he looks away, avoiding all the pairs of eyes longing for an answer.

“I think I know what happened…” Jaehee says.

***

“ _Something started crazy, sweet and unknown. Something you keep in a box on the street now it’s longing for a home…” the pink and blue lights of the impromptu tent shine against her skin. She looks like an alien, no… but an alien wouldn’t look that… magical…_

_“And who can say what dreams are?” he sings with you, coming closer._

_“Wake me in time to be lonely and sad” she avoids his gaze, he can almost hear her heartbeat exhilarating._

_“And who can say what we are?” he grabs her chin, making her look at him._

“ _And now our bodies are the guilty ones who touch and color the hours._ _Night won’t breathe…  
_ _Oh how we… fall into silence from the sky…”he presses his body against hers, delving in her warmth. How can she be so warm when it’s so cold outside?_

“ _Pulse is gone and racing. All fits and starts. Window by window you try and look into the brave new that you are…” he sings, whispering in her ear, she shivers, he hopes it’s from him being close, not from the coldness of his body._

“ _And who can say what dreams are? Wake me in time to be out in the cold… And who can say what we are? This is the reason for dreaming…_ ” _he brushes his hair out of her face, and she smiles shyly._

“ _And now our bodies are the guilty ones. Our touch will fill every hour. Huge and dark, oh our hearts will murmur the blues from on high_.” _She kisses him shyly. Saeran feels an electric wave running down his spine. Her eyes sparkle and he looks like… well, her. There’s nothing more beautiful and magical than her, anyway…_

“ _Then whisper some silver reply…” and the rest felt like a dream…_

***

“So… that’s what happened, right?” Jaehee asks.

“Well, something like this… it wasn’t that poetic and… much… messier.”

“Yeah, Jaehee, what the hell was that?” Saeyoung asks, looking at her as if he just watched a confusing movie.

“I… I don’t know, I guess I’ve been reading a lot of Girls’ Generation fanfics lately… and uhm… I was watching Spring Awakening a few days ago… you do the math…” awkward silence. Well, no that awkward, Saeran would rather stay like this before the real interrogatory starts.

“I don’t get it… so you and MC… sang?” everybody groans. Oh my God, Yoosung…

“It’s a euphemism, Yoosung.” Jumin states.

“Oh… a euphemism…” Yoosung turns to Zen and nudges him. “What’s a euphemism?”

“Like I would know…” everybody groans again.

“Look, none of it matters. The problem is what happened later, right bro?” Saeyoung asks.

“What the hell, Saeyoung? Why do you keep bringing that up?”

“Because maybe you will realize you were the one who screwed everything with her!”

“I didn’t screw anything! She was the one overreacting as usual!”

“Uh oh…” Zen says “You fought again, didn’t you?”

“No, it wasn’t like that, what happened was…”

_He was quiet, so was her… looking at the wall like it’s the most interesting thing to be seen._

_“So, uhm… do you think it will snow more?”_

_“Yeah, I think so…” she spoke softly, covering herself with his jacket. “So uhm… white hair, huh?”_

_“Yeah, with some pink tips, see?” he leans towards her to show his hair._

_“Did you go to a hairstylist or…?”_

_“No, I did by myself.” She nods and avoids his gaze._

_“I liked your hair before.”_

_“Th-thanks.” He fumbles his legs, trying not to look too much at hers, isn’t she cold with thm bare like this? “I just… I just wanted to change a little…”_

_“Why?”_

_“I don’t know… I just felt like. The few days were crazy as shit…”_

_“Yes, they were… so… uhm… thanks for not leaving the band, Saeran.”_

_“Well, yeah… the hell I would let Saeyoung touch my drums! And… it wouldn’t be that great without me.”_

_“It really wouldn’t.” she smiles, ahhh… she’s so good to look at when she genuinely smiles. Not that smug bitchy smirk, just… a smile… and she’s smiling to him. “Anyway… everybody was there…”_

_“Everybody?”_

_“Yeah, including my mother. Did you know my mom is in town? She, uhm… she left 3 years ago, but Jumin and Zen brought her here to see me perform.”_

_“Convenient, huh?” he scoffs._

_“How… how so?”_

_“Well, it’s convenient she would come to see you doing something good. Do you think she would show up if you were a delinquent or a snorter or… I don’t know, if you were doing bad things with your life? She wouldn’t want to take responsibility, would she?”_

_“Well, I don’t know, I didn-“_

_“It’s easy for her to come here and feel proud for you on something she didn’t even help on.”_

_“Well, I… I’m glad to see my mom, you know?”_

_“Maybe you shouldn’t.” his eyes lock with hers. Is she mad? No…_

_“And maybe… you shouldn’t jump in conclusions about someone you haven’t even meet and just… taking your own experiences with your mom as if they happen to everybody.”_

_“This has nothing to do with me and my mother. This is about you getting all worked up about someone who abandoned you.”_

_“And came back to apologize when I really needed…”_

_“This is stupid.” He shrugs._

_“What is stupid, Saeran?”_

_“Well, you and… you know…”_

_“So you’re saying I’m stupid?” Uh oh… this glare… it’s the glare she always shoots at him…_

_“No! Don’t twist my words! I know you’re not dumb, do don’t play it dumb, MC!”_

_“I’m not, I’m asking you to explain what you just said! Or am I too stupid to get it?”_

_“Aaarrrgh, you’re not dumb or stupid, you’re just… naïve! Yes, that’s right, you’re naïve!”_

_“I’m naïve?”_

_“Yes, you’re naïve. You thought you could handle Rika’s situation with a lip sync performance? And then you get all happy and excited when someone that left you comes back when it’s convenient for her?” he scoffs again. “I’m just saying you don’t look like, but you’re innocent.”_

_“Well, I… I’m sorry if I’m not what I look like…” oh my God, is she pouting now?_

_“Ah, come on, you don’t have to get angry. I’m just being honest with you, like I said I would always be.”_

_“And I told you before that there’s a huge difference between being honest and being a dick!”_

_“Are you seriously mad at me right now after we just…?”_

_“Yes, Saeran, I am mad at you for going out of line. You don’t know my mom, you don’t know anything about my relationship with he, and you don’t know anything about me!”_

_“I know that you probably didn’t yell at V like this…” she widens her eyes and inhales sharply._

_“So that’s it, huh? You just wanted to shove in my face what I did wrong and make me feel even guiltier…”_

_“It’s not like this, I…”_

_“Goodbye, Saeran.” She gets up, angrily putting her underwear back on._

_“MC, you’re totally overreacting right now… there’s no need for you to leave in the night with this cold.”_

_“And there was no need for you to go back to your usual dick self, but you can’t help it, can you?” “And you know what? Maybe you’re right, and I am that stupid, I was about to confess that I love you!” she what? “But I’m so glad I didn’t!” she adjusts the dress and leaves paradise. “So… fuck you, Saeran!” he listens her voice from outside._

_“Well, uhm… fuck you too!”_

Awkward silence at Yoosung’s basement. Everybody looks at him as if he just missed the chance to make the breaking point on a match or something.

“Saeran, you’re just… a moron.” Zen says.

“That’s exactly what I said when he told me…” Saeyoung crosses his arms. He looks genuinely disappointed and mad. Saeran never saw his brother like this…

“What? What did I do? I was just being honest with her!”

“You talked about her mom, dude…” Zen says.

“And called her stupid.” Jumin adds.

“I never said MC was stupid!” 

“Right after you guys did a euphemism…” Yoosung mutters… what?

“Saeran, you hurt her…” Jaehee says patiently.

“No, I didn’t! I… I would never hurt her! I mean, she looked shocked and… upset in a way I’ve never seen, but… no, she was just…” 

Fuck, he hurt her.

“Do you see now that you’re the stupid one here?” Saeyoung asks.

“I… yeah, I do.”

“And you know what the worst part is, bro? Maybe you could have fixed that right then by saying you love her back, and what did you do?”

“He told her to go fuck herself.” Yoosung mutters. Wow… even Yoosung seems furious at him right now. So that’s how much he screwed things up, huh?

“Exactly… so, do you get it now? Do you get why I’m mad at you? Why I feel so tired of putting up with this bullshit?” Saeyoung clenches his fist as he comes close.

“I think he gets it, Saeyoung…” Jaehee says in a warning tone.

“Oh, does he? Does he know how lucky he is for having the girl he likes to say she loves him? And then he’ll just tell her to go fuck herself? Seriously, you can be denser than her in not seeing other people’s feelings here, this is just so f-“

“That’s enough, Saeyoung.” Jumin says. “She’s here.”

“She’s what?” everybody asks at the same time.

“She texted me. _‘Dropping by in 15 minutes. You guys can stop calling now_.’ And she sent this… 15 minutes ago…”

The doorbell rings upstairs. Yoosung promptly runs to open the door. A few seconds later, he brings her with him. Is it wrong that, to Saeran’s eyes, she still looks as beautiful as she was last night?

“Good to see you, MC.” Jaehee runs to hug her.

“You too, Jaehee.” 

“Right on time, MC. We ordered all kinds of snacks to please everybody’s tastes and… oh, here’s the trophy…” Jumin smiles softly.

“It’s really beautiful… oh, and… Jumin, I need to thank you for finding my mom and bringing her to Korea to see me.”

“There’s no need to thank me, MC. I just did what I have to do…. So did Zen, by the way…”

“Yes, I should thank you all since everybody did their best in trying to snap me out of doing something very wrong, so… thank you, I don’t know what I would do without your ‘MC is about to do something stupid’ radar on me.” Everybody chuckles as she laughs a little. “Actually, I… don’t know what I’ll do without you…”

“What do you mean, babe?” Zen asks.

“Well, uhm… that’s why I came, I just wanted to let you know personally, I was late for the party because I was packing some stuff back at home.”

“Packing?” Yoosung and Saeyoung ask together.

“Yeah, I… my mom is going back to America and… I’m going with her.” Her eyes quickly find Saeran’s before she looks away and motions to grab a soda can.

And there is no awkward silence, everybody goes to her and they soon start having fun like they were supposed to on a party. Well, except for Saeran, he’s the only one in an awkward silence… and he’s the only one who doesn’t see like he could have fun right now.

* * *


	24. Chapter 23

Boxes and boxes of clothes and belongings everywhere.

You sigh, tying your hair in a lazy ponytail before lifting up one of the boxes and placing in the bed. It’s old, but you’re sweating from all the work you’ve been doing since the morning… and you still have to pack your things too.

And you will, right after you’re done with helping Rika pack hers.

“Can’t believe you have that much makeup it stuffs a whole box!”

“Well, what can I say? My mom… likes to buy me makeup… that’s probably the only thing she likes doing for me…” you get so uncomfortable everytime she throws some comment about how bad her relationship with her mom is… so you trid to avoid keeping on that subject… until now.

“What did she say when you said you were leaving?”

“Well, let’s see… she thinks it’s a waste of money sending me to rehab again, but… a little time away would be good to avoid any more rumors… if you ask me, I think she’s mad I broke up with Jihyun and people in the neighborhood are talking about it…” oh… so she did break up with V, you were wondering what happened, but God knows what Rika or any band member would say if you actually asked about it…

“Rumors that he cheated on you?” you ask, already regretting your unnecessary honesty.

“Not really, there were always rumors about me dating him just for the money, anyway… so don’t think too highly of yourself, you’re not the center of this crisis.” She smirks sardonically. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, your father… did he agree on you just going like this?”

“No, he… well, he’s not. But he won’t interfere… he thinks this change would be good for him, for my mom, for me… everybody…”

“Do you?”

“What?”

“Do you think it will be good for everybody?”

It won’t. After you made to the celebration for the victory only to announce you were going away, the Mystic Messenger crew seemed… sad. The party suddenly turned into a funeral, and there was no mood to stay there any longer… there is no mood to ask them for help in packing your things, so when Rika called you for help, you weren’t exactly comfortable, but… you could help her packing if she helped you.

You weren’t exactly shocked when she told you she was also leaving. You would do the same if you were she, you are… doing the same… well, you’re not going to rehab at some fancy place in the country, you are basically crossing the word to live with a woman who is your mom, but… also pretty much a stranger. It’s different… Rika is leaving to take care of herself, fix her own mess and begin to look for happiness through sobriety.

You? Just running away from your doubts and problems.

“It won’t. But I don’t really care at this point.” Which, surprisingly, it’s not a lie.

Because you don’t. You just want to forget. Forget this drama with Zen, Yoosung, Jaehee, Jumin, Saeyoung, V and Rika, forget that you actually thought you and Saeran could work after having a magical night with him, and forget that he ruined the magical night by reminding you that, no matter what you do, you still slept with a guy who has… had a girlfriend. Saeran can’t forgive you, and neither can yourself.

So now you don’t care anymore. If you can’t forgive yourself, at least you should try to start over.  Your mom’s timing was perfect in showing up like that, and even more perfect when you got home after fighting with Saeran and saw your parents discussing this possibility, all they need was your answer. “Yes” to going to America, “yes” to living with your mom and leaving our dad, “yes” to starting over.

“Yeah, me neither.” Rika nods, shrugging as she tosses some clothes in the box with a “donate” written on it. “Thanks for coming to help me, you didn’t have to.”

“I know, I just wanted to and… well, this is one of those situations of me scratching your back if you scratch mine, I need help with my own packing.”

“Ah yeah… I’ll have to go to your house… can’t believe I’ll have to go to the slums of this town.”

“It will be good to leave the Shortcake Strawberry’s mansion, princess.” You both scoff. “From all the places on Earth, Rika, I never thought I would come to your house.”

“Well, from all people on Earth, I never thought you would be in my soon to be former house.” Both of you smile lazily. What is this? Are you… bonding?

“Oh, and from all the artists on Earth, I never thought you would like David Bowie.” You point at the Ziggy Stardust poster in the wall.

“Good thing he wasn’t an earthling, then.” You nod and laugh, so does she. “What? You thought I could never be that educated in music?”

“You thought Patti Smith was dead the first time we met, girl…” she narrows her eyes at you as you smirk. “But I don’t know anything about you, anyway… I didn’t even know you play guitar.” Now you point to the guitar placed on the support next to her bed.

“That guitar was my only contact with music these last months, I can’t really sing, but I can play.” She lowers her gaze a little. “I would sit on my bed, look Youtube videos for tutorials an play the songs I like. Bowie’s songs, mostly.”

She grabs the guitar, running her fingers mindlessly through the chords. And as you watch her, you wonder if this is the same girl you met at the record store that one day, the same girl acting like a soft bitch around you and then accusing you of being manipulative. Rika seems tough, she might look above all these things, but truth is, she’s… fragile, she’s just a girl… and… it’s almost looking in the mirror right now. She starts playing for real, and you know these accords…

“ _It’s a God awful small affair to the girl with the mousey hair. But her mummy is yelling ‘no’ and her daddy has told her to go. But her friend is nowhere to be seen, now she walks through her sunken dream…”_

She looks at you and smiles as putting more efforts in playing the song. It’s clear how much she wants to sing, but doesn’t want to detune. Like if you cared if she actually does.

_“To the seats with the clearest view, and she’s hooked to the silver screen. But the film is sadd'ning bore, for she’s lived it ten times or more. She could spit in the eyes of fools as they ask her to focus on…”_

You stop singing, nodding for he to continue. She looks at you, then at the guitar, then at you again…

“Sailors fighting in the dance hall. Oh man! Look at those cavemen go… It’s the freakiest show! Take a look at the lawman beating up the wrong guy. Oh man! Wonder if he’ll ever know he’s in the best selling show…”

And you sing together, completely out of tune.  “ _Is there life on Mars?_ ”

After the weird duet is over, you look at each other awkwardly, letting a nervous chuckle out. And though your smiles look uncomfortable, they also look sincere.

“Hey, Rika… are we friends?”

“No, we are packing, remember?” you both laugh, but you get the cue to actually go back to work.

But something else interrupts the packing. Knocks on the door, Rika tells them to come in.

“Your mom said I could come in…” oh, you actually know this voice…

It’s V.

“Then maybe she should go to rehab instead of me, since she’s clearly high on something.” V chuckles at her comment. You just… avoid his gaze and grab one of the boxes to put in the corner of her bedroom… and stay there with the box.

“It’s good to see you, MC.” He says. Shit…

“No doubt it is…” Rika sneers. “You must have came to see her, you couldn’t possibly be here because of me.”

“I’m surprised of seeing MC here, mainly because this is perfect. I… wanted to talk to both of you.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about anymore, Jihyun. But if you have something to say to her, I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Please, no.

“V, I… I don’t think there’s anything we should talk about, we…’ve done enough, don’t you think?”

“Yes, you’re right, MC. Matter of fact, I… I am apologizing to you, officially now. What happened between us… shouldn’t have happened… and wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t so tired of everything. You’re a sweet girl, very confused back then, and I was aware of the damage I could cause to Rika and to myself, but… not to you, MC. So I’m sorry…” You’re not really surprised to hear this, you look at Rika… neither is she apparently. “And… I heard you’re living, so I hope what happened between us isn’t affecting your decision…”

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, Jihyun.” Rika says in the same tone she did with you before.

“Yes, uhm… I’m leaving because I think it will be good for me.” You nod, but still don’t look at him.

“Well, I’m glad to know that…” he smiles sweetly. “You’re leaving too, huh?” he turns to Rika.

“Yes, you’re finally free, like you’ve always wanted.” She places the guitar on the bed and crosses her arms.

“All I want is you to be happy, Rika. I thought I could bring you happiness, but all I did was hurt you, I’m sincerely sorry for that. So… yes, I’m happy that you’re leaving, as long as it brings all the good things you deserve.” You notice her loosing a little from the stiffness of her crossed arms. “Anyway, I… there’s so much I want to sa to you, but… I don’t really know how, so… can I sing?”

“This isn’t a musical where you fix everything through a song, Jihyun…”

“Of course not, but… please, just one song, then I’ll disappear from your sigh forever.” She looks at him, then at you. Why the hell is she looking at you? She doesn’t advice from you now, does she?

“Fine, just one.” She rolls her eyes and obliges, V nods, clearly holding a smile. And you… should be out of here and give them some privacy…

“You can stay too, MC. I might have the right words for you too.” Oh god… doesn’t he know this is the kind of thing who started the whole problem from the beginning?

“I… I don’t think I…”

“Please, stay.” Rika holds your arm, and it should sound like an order, but she’s actually… begging. So you stay.”

“Can you lend me your guitar?” Rika nods in a serious expression at his request. “I’m a little rusty even on the bass and… I’m not as good as you, and I’m, but still…” she rolls her eyes and curls her lips.

V clears his throat and adjusts his posture.

“ _Velvet, I can wish you for the collar of your coat. And fortune smiling all along your way. But more I cannot wish you then to wish you find your love. Your own true love this day_ _…”_

Well, this is quite the evolution to having Robin Thicke on his car stereo…

“ _Standing there, gazing at you. Full of the bloom, of youth. Standing there, gazing at you with the sheepish eye and the look of the truth…_ ”

Rika tilts her head as he struggle a little to put the notes together while trying to look at her. And though you feel like watching all of their expressions, V looks at you.

“ _Music, I can wish you. Merry music while you’re young. And wisdom, when your hair has turned to gray. But more I cannot wish you then to wish you find your love. Your own true love this day_ ”

Oh… that’s why he said he would have the right words for you too… V always admired your talent, but… have he heard about the situation with Saeran?

“ _With the sheepish eye. and the look of the truth, and the strong arms to carry you away…_ ” he look at both of you, smiling.

You smile back. Not everything is about forgetting, some things are about forgiving.

And you wish that you and Saeran could talk like this and find some common ground like Rika and V probably will do as you left them to have an honest conversation. Rika said she would be coming later to your house to help you, but you wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t show up. You’ll start packing, getting ready to leave Korea, the band, the drama… and Saeran.


	25. Chapter 24 (Finale)

This became quite a habit. There’s always someone waiting for you next to your locker to drag you to the room where the musical theatre club used to gather. Who is it today?

“Oh… hey, Saeran.” You greet him bluntly.

“ _You say ‘yes’, I say ‘no’! You say ‘stop’, but I say ‘go, go, go’… oh no!_ ”

“Did you just… say hi… you said hi to me?”

“That’s how people usually start a conversation, as I heard.”

“Well, uhm… hi. Hi… MC.” You look at him with a dumbfound expression. He seems… mad, confused… who are you kidding? You don’t know to read him. You never did.

“ _Oh no! You say ‘goodbye’ and I say ‘hello’. Hello, hello… I don't know why you say ‘goodbye’  
I say ‘hello’, hello hello. I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello._ ”

“Hi. And bye.” You give him an awkward smile and walk. See? It’s easy… it’s easy saying goodbye to him, you got this. There won’t be any problem in the afternoon when you will go back to your locker and empty it, you’re going to America tomorrow.

“Don’t go.” You hear his voice behind you. “I don’t want you to go.”

Does he mean now or…?

“You have no right to tell me what to do. You wouldn’t have even if you didn’t act like a dick that night, let alone… now.”

“I never meant to offend you, MC.”

“But you did, Saeran. You did! And that’s the thing with you and I, we never mean to do the things we do, but we do it anyway. We think…” no, shut up, you don’t have to tell him that, you don’t have to say anything to him rather than “goodbye!”… “We’re so used to being the weirdos we don’t know what to do when people are actually nice with us, so we mess up! We hurt them…well, I’m trying to do something about this!”

“Cut the crap! You’re just running away to your mommy!” Jackpot! He actually knows to read you…

You turn to face him. He looks as angry as he did the first time you’ve met. Only a month ago, so much has happened, and yet… nothing have changed for real.

“ _I say ‘high’, you say ‘low’. You say ‘why’ and I say ‘I don't know!’_ ”

“Yes, I am.”

“And I… don’t want you to do that.” Noticing how childish he sounds and how he doesn’t have much of a point, Saeran avoids your eyes. “Because I…”

“ _Oh no! You say ‘goodbye’ and I say ‘hello’. Hello, hello… I don't know why you say ‘goodbye’  
I say ‘hello’, hello hello. I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello._ ”

You shake your head impatiently. You know what he’s going to say, he’ll say “I love you”, and you know you shouldn’t hear this, you can’t care about this anymore, then… why are you glaring at him and pressuring him to say it?

“Because I thought you were better than this.”

“ _I don't know why you say ‘goodbye’, I say ‘hello’. Hello! I say ‘hello’! Helloooooo…”_

You can’t care, so why does it frustrate you that he didn’t say it?

 “Goodbye, Saeran.” Sighing, you turn your back on him.

“ _Hay la, hey hello-a_ ”

No, saying goodbye isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.

***

Saeran watches you heading towards your classroom. He feels like punching the locker, but… ugh, what’s the point? What was his point by coming to see you like this, again?

Ah, yes… he loves you.

But he didn’t say it, the words failed him, they always do when it comes to you. He never meant to hurt you, not even when he would tease you to see you getting mad and flustered, you were just… so cute back then. You are so cute… and so smart… and so bitchy, but… so… so… awesome. And he loves you.

But he didn’t tell you. And now you’re leaving without even knowing about that.

“I’ve fucked things up.” Saeran announces when he meets Yoosung and Saeyoung in the bathroom.

Yoosung growls in annoyance, Saeyoung only crosses his arms and lowers his head. Ugh… is he still mad?

“What… did you cuss her mom again?” Yoosung asks.

“No! I’m not that stupid, dude! I… tried to tell her I love her…”

“And?”

“I… basically said I’m… disappointed at her.”

Another growl from Yoosung, Saeyoung stays quiet.

“Well, it seems that drastic times call for drastic measures…” his twin finally speaks, adjusting his glasses. “It’s time to bring the big guns, brother!”

“I’m really scared of asking what are the big guns are.”

“Isn’t it obvious? MC is going to America, we’re teenagers… the answer is simple, fellas…”

“Please don’t say  ‘american high school movies of the 90’s’”

“American high school movies of the 90’s! Yeah, I’ve watched tons of these at the rental video store, so I know all about guys messing up and pulling a stunt a little before the girls decide to change their lives and run away from an environment that makes them feel dislocated their whole lives, you know, chick stuff… I, my friends, am an expert in chick stuff.”

“Said the guy who got fascinated and grossed out when he found out what tampons are for.”

“Girls are mysterious, and I’m all about their mystery! So, little brother… it’s time to pull a stunt!”

“Stunt?”

“Yep! It’s time for you to give a big fuck off to the school’s security and  pull out a whole stunt to confess your love for MC and make her stay! Pretty cool, huh?”

“No, not really, no…”

“Ah come on, bro! It’s romantic, it’s big, it’s the bad boy showing his softest side an embarrassing himself in front of everybody. All chicks love that!”

“You know I could just text her, there’s no need for that… and… even if I agreed on this… what’s the point, dude?” he sighs “Maybe you should confess to her.”

“M-me? What do I… what do I have to do with this?” he chuckles nervously.

“I’m not an idiot, Saeyoung. You like her… and so do you, right?” he points to Yoosung. “And so do Zen, Jumin and Jaehee… maybe one of you should do that, anyone would be a better option than me, anyway…”

It’s fast. Saeran just finds himself slammed against the wall. A pair of violet eyes shoot him mercilessly. Yoosung holds him by the collar of his shirt.

“Do you have any idea of how douchy you sound now? Tsk… I hate this!”

“Dude… calm your ass down…” Saeyoung holds his hands on air, visibly surprised too.

“No, Saeyoung! Don’t you see what he’s doing now? He’s basically taking her feelings, something that we all would die to have, and it’s throwing away like it doesn’t mean anything! I’m always quiet because I don’t want to interfere in any of this, but from the minute MC chooses a scumbag who takes her feeling for granted, and that scumbag happens to be one of my best friends, I have to say something! So, stop being an ass, Saeran! You go to that goddamn airport and make her stay!” Whoa… is that really… Yoosung now? Saeran stares at him with widen eyes, then he looks at Saeyoung.

“Is just as our yandere friend here says, bro. Don’t you think we would confess to her if we thought we have a chance? Well, I’m not trying any moves, and neither is Yoosung, Zen and Jaehee are stepping off too, but… if Jumin thinks he has any chance, bro, believe me, he will do something.”

“You think?”

“I know for a fact. Jumin wouldn’t chicken out on being super extra to pull the airport stunt… and he was the one who brought her mom here, so…”

Shit, his brother is… ugh… right. Yoosung lets go of his shirt, realizing their words put some sense on his head. Saeran was aware of everybody’s feelings for you, he just thought… nobody would have the guts to do something, just like he didn’t. And all of them are just too nice, they wouldn’t try making a move if it meant hurting their friends or even you. Well… not all of them… Jumin isn’t nice.

“Let’s watch those movies, for fuck’s sake.” Saeran sighs.

***

So that’s it. Your last day in here. It’s weird saying goodbye to a place you’ve never really connected with… not at least until last month. And soon this small connection will be over… you sigh, taking the things out of our locker and putting on a box. Books, a BIGBANG’s poster, and… a picture of the whole Mystic Messenger crew at the Winter Festival… you stare at the picture for a few seconds, feeling your heart overloading. Oh… you managed not to cry this entire time, can’t you hold it a little more? Just until you’re on that plane tomorrow?

You quickly wipe your tears and grab the box. You have to get out of here soon! Good thing the baseball team is having a match today, so there aren’t many people around the hallway. Well, you were always a little invisible, anyway… it’s not like anybody will notice you’re gone.

“Seems like you’re forgetting something.” You hear a deep voice behind you. Oh, this formal way of speaking. It’s Jumin, and he has the trophy of the Winter Festival. “Here.”

“Jumin, I can’t, I…”

“How can you not take something it’s yours?” he offers to you again. “If you don’t take it now, I’ll ship it to you, let’s save the trouble.”

“Jumin, I…”

“You never gave me the chance to tell my feelings for you, MC.” Oh no… not this again…

“Well, I… assume you’re still disappointed at me…?”

“Hardly. I knew from the moment you showed up, you were on it to win it, and you did. So no disappointment at all. What I feel for you… nobody would say it’s something bad…”

He has his hands in the pockets of his pants. It’s hard to see him relax, but now, he seems pretty comfortable. It’s definitely very different from that time he showed up at the record store.

“Respect.” He smiles. “And admiration.”

“Admiration? Wow…”

“Yes. I guess you could say I’m… I’m your biggest fan, MC.” You feel your face reddening. “And as your fan, I know you’re destined to achieve great success, so keep in mind I’ll always be supporting you and rooting for you no matter where you go.”

“Than-thanks, Jumin.”

“Thank you!” he bows a little. You feel like chuckling, Zen and him keep bickering, but sometimes the pull out the exact same flamboyant manners.

You both stop smiling when you hear the little static noise coming from the PA system in the hallway.

“ _You’re just too good to be true… can’t take my eyes off of you… you’d be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive, you're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you…”_

Oh, this voice… it’s… Saeran.

“ _Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare… the sight of you leaves me weak, there are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that is real. You're just too good to be true, I can't take my eyes off you_ …”

Then you listen to a little coughing sound.

“Is this thing still on? Okay… alright… shut up, Saeyoung! Ahem, miss MC and mister Jumin Han, please go to the baseball pitch.”

“What the hell is Saeran doing?”

“Confessing.” You get red again. How can he say something like this so bluntly?

“Jumin… are you on this too?”

“Me? Yes, I’m in charge of distracting you by telling you how I truly feel so Saeran will have balls to take some action.”

“You… what?” Did Jumin Han just say “balls”?

“Don’t know, just following instructions that Saeyoung gave me. Now let’s go.”

You feel your heart pounding in your ears, your feet seem to be moving by themselves, ignoring that part of our brain who told you to just say goodbye to Saeran and never look back. Your feet are on your way to hear whatever he has to say, even if it isn’t a confession. No, it can’t be a confession, if it was, he would have sung till the chorus, where the lyrics are literally “I love you”.

“Enjoy the show, MC.” Jumin smirks before taking his bass from Zen’s hands…

The band is here, reunited next to the baseball pitch, in front of the paradise. Well, it’s a little different… Saeyoung took Saeran’s place as the drummer… and Saeran took yours at the vocals.

“Good afternoon, we’re Mystic Messenger!”

Saeyoung marks the beat with the sticks.1…2…1,2,3,4!

“ _I love you, baby! And if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby! To warm up lonely nights, I love you, baby… trust in me when I say…_ ”

Saeran walks towards you, and suddenly you realize not even the baseball players seem to be paying attention to the match anymore.

“ _Oh pretty baby! Don't bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay. Oh pretty baby, trust in me when I say…_ ”

Ahhh… saying goodbye never felt so hard…

***

Of all the awkward moments he had with you, this is definitely the most awkward. Your eyes gleam from the tears, and you seem to be in an intern debate about hiding your face or keep watching this. Saeran is really glad you seemed to have chosen the second option till the end of the performance.

 “I suck with words, I’m just… awful. But… I’m always honest, MC.”

“You really are…” you both chuckle.

“Yes… so uhm… you have to believe me when I tell you I think you rock, you… you are amazing, and you… are talented, smart, you care about people in your unique way, and… any person would be lucky to have you near them. I… was an asshole to you on many more times I can count, and I am honestly sorry about that. I don’t know a single thing about your mom, but if you want to stay with her, it could only mean that… she is as awesome as you are, MC…”

Yes, that’s right… so it hits him.

“That’s why… you should go with her.”

“What!?” Saeyoung shouts.

“What?” you ask.

“You are awesome, MC. And you deserve to be happy, so if being with your mom makes you happy, you should go.”

“Saeran…”

“I love you, I love you so much I don’t mind seeing you go if it means you’ll be happy. I… love you, MC.”

“I… I love you too…” he nods and smiles, no, he can’t cry now… can’t he hold a little more? Just until tomorrow when you’re gone?

“So… will you go, MC? For you… and for me? Will you go?”

“Yes… yes, I’ll go, Saeran.” You smile between your tears, and he hugs you.

And yeah, nobody is understanding shit of this. But you are, and that’s all that matters for him.

***

“Your boyfriend seems nice, but his hair looks like shit.” Your mom whispers in your ear as you adjust your baggage.

“I think he looks pretty cool…” you shrug, smiling and waving at Saeran when he spots you in the airport. “You know, you should have pulled this whole stunt here in the airport, it’s more traditional.”

“Yeah, my brother said the same, but I give no shit to tradition.” You both laugh. He makes  a waiting gesture for you as he takes something out of the pocket of his jacket. It’s a little envelope, and he hands it to you.

“What’s that?”

“It’s the song I wrote for you… about you… I’ve wrote a lot, but everything was unfinished, this one is the only ready, so it’s yours.”

You hug the envelope tightly against your chest. You told him that you guys have this tendency to mess up with the people that are nice to you… but no, he’s not like that. Saeran is a great guy, who’ll become even greater when he grows up.

“You’ll text me everyday, right?” you can’t miss his growth.

“Sure. You’ll have your first text as soon as you get home, alright?”

Home. You’re going… home?

“Alright…” you hug him. Saeran hugs you back, and the world freezes for a few seconds.

No, this is home… He is your home. And one day, you’ll come back home…

It’s a promise.

“Promise”… the name of the song he wrote for you.


	26. Epilogue

“ _Non, rien de rien. Non, je ne regrette rien. Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait… Ni le mal - tout ça m'est bien égal! Non, rien de rien. Non, je ne regrette rien. C'est payé, balayé, oublié… Je m'en fous du passé!”_

“Are you there yet?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, you weren’t saying anything, I thought you fell asleep or something… because this is boring.”

“It’s not boring. Relax, MC, you’re gonna nail this audition for sure.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, sure! I mean…  it’s a classic, but it’s not obvious, and I bet nobody is expecting an Asian girl to sing in French.”

“Painfully true. Ugh… I can almost imagine… ‘ _Oh, the auditions for Miss Saigon are closed, sweetheart…_ ”

Rika laughs, adjusting the camera of her laptop and now you get to see her face in the video chat.

“Oh, and you even look cute now! I thought you would look like shit for stressing over this audition…”

“I feel like shit, if this helps.” You sigh. “I don’t know, Rika… it’s just… maybe I shouldn’t even try…”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s just… I haven’t been lucky in my last auditions, my mom is being supportive, my father is paying my tuition, but… if I don’t get a role soon, maybe I should…you know, wake up to reality…”

“You’re so dramatic…”

“Well, yeah… finding a job is a real drama.”

“Yeah, but you elevate it to a whole another level! Ugh… sometimes I wonder if you just want some praise, but here I go: MC, sweetie, you’re just a freshman, but you’re going a fucking great college! You barely started, and you can’t use some failed auditions at off-off-off-off-Broadway shows as the standard for your whole career, that hasn’t even started! Just… get a grip, or fuck’s sake!”

You rolls your eyes, Rika always starts cussing you everytime you’re nervous and stressing out. She called you the most horrible things when you were applying to college, only to praise you like you’re some kind of god when you actually made it. She has a weird way of supporting you, but this isn’t exactly a surprise since your whole friendship is weird.

She got back from rehab and videocalled you. Before you could even tell, you were video calling each other almost everyday, only to catch up and tell about the day you girls had. Usually, she would talk about herself, her plans for the future, and even the darkest things like the possibility of a relapse. You would talk about the crazy shenanigans your mom does to make money and your experience as an immigrant. In general, you and Rika would vent to each other about your doubts, struggles and insecurities, only until there would be room for girl talk and happiness.

But it wasn’t too long ago you starts talking about a subject that felt taboo for four years…

“So, how is everybody?”

“I talked to Jumin yesterday. And… uh, Jaehee told me to give you her best.”

“Ahhh, tell her I send my best too when you see her.”

“Yeah, I will. Her girlfriend works in the train station I go to everyday, so I’ll probably bump into her again… oh, have I told you Zen was on the news yesterday?”

“He sent me a pic.” You laugh. “Can’t believe he took that role as an android.”

“Well, you told him to.”

“I said there was no harm in trying, but… guess we’ll see if I was right after the reviews are out… did Yoosung call?”

“He did! But I think he was drunk... he always calls me drunk. Can’t believe he’s living the college dream better than us.”

“Yeah, who would have thought?” you sigh. “I’m so jealous you get to see most of them often…”

“Well, everybody misses you too, if it makes you feel better… which I’m sure it doesn’t.”

“No, it doesn’t…” you lower your gaze, hoping the shitty camera of your laptop won’t catch your gloomy look, especially because talking about the Mystic Messenger crew isn’t that much of a taboo compared to…

“So… have you heard from Saeran?” Ah, yes… him.

“Of course not. I never do. And it’s hard to get a hold of Saeyoung too.”

“Yeah, he’s always abroad…”

“Or maybe he’s avoiding me because of Saeran doesn’t want to talk to me anymore…”

“MC, I don’t think Saeran doesn’t want to see you…”

“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t he call me after filling his duty in the Army? Six months, Rika, I haven’t heard from him in six months!”

“Well, so what do you plan to do? Will you let it go?”

Maybe you should… it’s not like the end of the world if your teenage love is not talking to you… since, you know, you’re not teenagers anymore.

“I… maybe I should…”

But you made a promise.

“I…I don’t know…” you mumble a little. “It’s hard to just… let it go… ou know that, was it easy to just let go of V?”

“Well, I had to make it easy before things got worse between us.”

“Well, I never had a chance to see if things would get worse with Saeran, they never got… bad. They simply never… got, in the first place…”

She smiles softly, you know she’d be patting your shoulder awkwardly if she were here with you.

“Whatever you do, please focus on your audition first.” She says bluntly.

“I will. Thanks, Rika.”

“Thanks? I heard all of your drama, bitch. Next time you better pay attention when I vent about my shit, okay?” you both laugh. “Gotta go, I should sleep a little…”

“Good night, bitch.”

“Have a good day. Then I’ll be off!”

You turn your laptop off, giving a quick look around your room. You have class in one hour, so you should get ready to leave.

In the shower, you sigh… you weren’t this laid back and self-confident when you were in Korea. You were doubtful about lots of things, your talent wasn’t one of them. But now… you question your singing skills a lot.

But it’s not necessarily bad, this is part of growing up, admitting you have flaws and learning to overcome them. Living with your mom made you… humble, mature, more careful… things even our father seemed to admire in you now.

You’re not the best version of you, but this is probably because you aren’t home… yet. Wherever your home is.

_“Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my ma and pa… not the way that I do love you…”_ you hum, letting the water warm up your shoulders.

“ _Man oh man, you're my best friend! I scream it to the nothingness… There ain't nothing that I need. Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ. Ain't nothing please me more than you…”_ you keep mumbling as you get dressed.

Your mom left early to work, but she made you breakfast. You eat it fast before grabbing our bag and leaving the building.

“ _Ahh home, let me come home. Home is wherever I'm with you… Ahh home. Let me go ho-oh-ome. Home is wherever I'm with you…_ ”

You take the subway, giving come coins to some boys doing break dance.

“ _I'll follow you into the park... Through the jungle through the dark... Girl I never loved one like you...”_ you chuckle, suddenly remembering that time you sang Barracuda with Saeran.  


_“Moats and boats and waterfalls. Alley-ways and pay phone calls… I've been everywhere with you.”_

You tie the lace of your shoes before leaving the station, stopping by at the cozy restaurant next to the university to get a sandwich. It’s cheaper than lunching at the dining hall of school.

“ _We laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night, nothin' new is sweeter than with you… And in the streets you run afree, like it's only you and me, geeze, you're something to see…_ ”

As you get closer to the uni’s entrance, you spot a familiar figure next to the fountain. Red hair, a dorky beige sweater and a weird rocket space backpack.

“Sae-Saeyoung?”

The guy looks at you and smiles. Saeyoung? Is it really him?

“Tsk… you would always brag you could always tell me and that idiot apart…”

Time has passed, he looks different… Saeran looks different…

“Well, you know… I only started telling you twins apart when you dyed your hair. You look the same if your hair doesn’t look like shit anymore…”

He smirks, and you curl your lips, trying not to cry.

“Where have you been?”

“My brother and I were working hard! He was studying to get a scholarship, and I… was raising money to get a visa to America… so I would find you.”

“And you did…”

“I did… so now that I found you…” he gets on his knees. OH. MY. GOD! Is he going to…?

“Saeran…? What…? What are you doing?”

“I’m going to protect you, and love you like you deserve and… hope you’ll love me back as I deserve… as I want to believe I deserve… will you?”

“Of course I will, but… I don’t think we should get married, Saeran… We’re not even 21 yet… and all my money goes to college and…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asks, glaring at you.

“Huh? You just got on your knees and started talking about taking care of me… you’re proposing, aren’t you?”

“What? Fuck no! I’m tying your shoe for you, you’re so clumsy, what if you trip somewhere? Good thing I’m here from now on…” you narrow your eyes at him. “You though I was asking you to marry me?”

“N-no! I know we…” he gets up and smiles teasingly. “Ah, you haven’t changed a thing, have you? How did you survive in army with that attitude, you-“

Saeran hugs you. Exactly like he did a long time ago that night next to th baseball pitch, then at the airport… He’s really here with you, you are together, like you promised.

“MC?”

“Yes, Saeran?”

“I think I just got home…”

You press your lips against his. It’s a chaste, yet very needy kiss. Then you cup his cheek as you smile at his flustered face.

“Welcome home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, this is the end! Thanks to everybody who followed this in here or in Tumblr. This was such an amazing experience, and it wouldn't be even half as thrilling if it wasn't for the supposrtive feedback and your interest in what I have to offer for this great fandom. So thank you a lot!


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